While I was strongly encouraged to do a Hatafat Dam Brit, I was also told that my denomination (Renewal) would not require it. After talking to a couple of other male converts who said that it was meaningful for them, I decided to do it.
Since the Rabbi that was guiding my conversion was female, we worked with a male Rabbi who could help with the Hatafat Dam and the mikveh. Since he was not a Mohel, he asked a friend and more senior Conservative Rabbi who was a Mohel to supervise. The senior Rabbi served as one of the witnesses, and two other males from his congregation were called in as witnesses.
I admit that I was completely out of my body for the whole experience, which was done after Mariv services at the senior Rabbi’s schul. I was out of it since, honestly, hanging out the private parts in a Rabbi’s office in front of four other men was a bit much. Thank heavens my mother told me to always wear good underwear with no holes. The actual lancet (same as they use for diabetes tests on the finger) prick was negligible pain-wise, and the least of the considerations. I barely remember the brief prayers or being presented with my certificate. (And BTW, it did not hurt at all later—there was only a tiny scab the next day and then it was gone).
Immediately after my Brit, I was not sure how this could be meaningful to anyone. I was feeling like it was a combination of a trip to the dentist and a somewhat embarrassing mishap from grammar school.
However, a few days later I was at my synagogue for Friday Shabbat services, and then I understood. There was a profound sense of belonging that I had not quite ever felt before. Not to go too mystical, but it felt like I was suddenly connected to the Patriarchs, that they were present, and that I was therefore a definite part of the family. Nothing on the outside was different, only a few people in the room knew that I had undergone the Brit—but it made all the difference in the world to me. I sang louder and davened more deeply is how I would express it, and ultimately, felt a deep sense of being welcomed into the family.
KM
Yesterday was my conversion anniversary date so I emailed my rabbi:
Good afternoon, Rabbi J
I hope you and your family are all well and happy.
It was exactly a year ago today that we visited the Mikveh and met with the Beit Din to begin this phase of my life as a Jew. I didn't want the anniversary to go by without my saying "hello," and telling you how rewarding and fulfilling this year has been.
I have frequently been struck over the course of the year by how much there is to learn -- particularly the kinds of things that "born Jews" learn more-or-less throughcultural assimilation as they grow up. I have also been struck this year by how much I do know -- not infrequently as much or more than my Jewish friends and acquaintances. I do not think it is an exaggeration to say that in some way or other I make time every day to explore Judaism in some way. I continually keep a book on one Jewish topic or other close at hand, and I regularly explore various Jewish ideas and concerns through discussions with friends and colleagues (or the ever-helpful internet). I guess my point is that I have ultimately realized that the key to "success" for me is to focus on the process and not the end result. When can one ever learn "enough" about anything, particularly a subject as rich and vast as Judaism?
Although I do not personally really believe in reincarnation, it is clear to me that there are connections, motivations and resonances below the surface that we are only vaguely aware of, if at all. Something about Judaism has spoken to me for as long as I can remember. To the extent that such a thing is possible, becoming Jewish was as much like coming home as I could ever have wished.
Moving forward, I will continue to find as many ways to connect with Judaism as possible, all the while remembering to focus on the beauty of the process. Now that my personal life and career seem to have reached a lovely point of relative peace, there is no doubt that I could do more, be more helpful, and commit my time and resources more fully, and that is my ever-present goal. Maybe one of these days I'll even make it to shul for an Erev Shabbat. We can all dream, can't we? :-)
Best regards.
AT
Before I went to the mikvah my rabbi emailed instructions to me. Here’s what I was told by my rabbi:
The mikvah is at Congregation Beth Jacob on Park Blvd. (in Oakland). You ring the front door, and I will meet you in the lobby. The first step is meeting with the three rabbis for the beit din. You need to bring a $50 check made out to Congregation Beth Jacob to pay for use of the mikvah.
At the Beit Din, the three rabbis ask you questions. These are not fact- based questions but questions about what you like about Judaism, what you are doing currently in terms of Jewish observance, what Jewish holiday is meaningful to you, what Jewish books you are reading, connection to Israel. These are some examples, but they can ask you whatever they want. Often they ask you about things you wrote in your personal statement. This takes 10-15 minutes.
After your interview, and acceptance (I am 99.9% sure you will be accepted)*, you go into the mikvah. Wear no jewelry or makeup. You undress in the mikvah room, and the rabbis are in the next room. When you're ready to go in the water, you go in and call out "ready." For men a male rabbi will go in, and for women a female rabbi will go into the mikvah to supervise the immersion. The other rabbis from the beit din will wait outside within hearing range.
Here is the actual procedure inside the mikvah:
You go under the water three times. Go all the way, so the water covers your entire body, and recite the following blessing. If you don't have it memorized you can repeat after us.
Go under the first time and this is the blessing.
Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam asher kideshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu al hatevila.
You then dunk a second time and recite the following blessing.
Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam shehecheyanu vekiamanu vehigianu lazman hazeh.
You then dunk a third time and recite the Shema.
Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad.
The final part of your conversion comes at synagogue, where we do a ceremony where you hold the Torah and we "name" you publically.
Please don't hesitate to call me if you have any questions, and I'll be glad to answer them.
* Editor's Note: No rabbi will take a prospective convert before a beit din until he or she is confident they are ready and will be accepted by the beit din. Of course they cannot guarantee this, but the shame would be on them if they candidate is not ready.
By DL, a Male Conversative
I went to the mikvah on Sacramento Street in San Francisco, which is wonderful.
It was important to me to look like I took some time and had some consciousness about my appearance and the seriousness of the moment. I was going before my Beit Din just prior to immersion, and I was meeting friends later to celebrate for lunch—it was a really big day in my life, after all!
On the other hand, I realized that I would have to get in and out of these clothes, and would be a bit rushed and probably damp getting back into them after immersion. Ultimately, I realized I was NOT dressing to meet my maker, since the whole wonderful point of the mikvah is to meet my maker as I had been dressed for birth. That waylaid any concerns about needing to dress in a suit and tie with shiny black tie-up shoes. I suppose I ultimately dressed in what I would call “business casual” for lack of a better description. For me, that meant nice cotton khaki slacks, an oxford shirt (they dry quickly), a nice sports coat and loafers.
My actual experience in the mikvah was fantastic, and my Rabbi and the others on the Beit Din made it meaningful. I was allowed to invite very close family (three people) to the mikvah, and though they waited outside the tub area itself, they sang some niggunim and songs from the outer rooms with doors open so that I could hear them. It was a very powerful and beautiful experience to float in the water with the voices of my family and the Rabbis in the background. After the formal part of the process, I was told to spend some time in silence by myself reflecting on the moment. It was also very important to me to have had that moment of silence.
Also, I was treated to a very enthusiastic version of “Siman Tov and Mazel Tov” when I came out of the dressing room!
The Rabbi that convened my Beit Din was a woman, so she made sure that I had a man on the Beit Din to help me in the mikvah room itself. He had been the officiant for my Hatafat Dam Brit a few weeks earlier, but I knew him only slightly. At the mikvah, after the Beit Din approved me for conversion, he very thoroughly explained exactly what he was going to do, how he wanted me to cover my head for the prayers between dunks, and then gave me all the prompting I needed when I needed it. I was very glad that he did that, and it would have been great if he had done it a few days before. I was a bit nervous in the moment, and having at least heard what the actual ceremony would be like ahead of time would have helped as I could have prepared. I was a bit at a loss when every word of Hebrew suddenly seemed to have left my head.
The tachlichs thing that would have made a difference to me was if there had been a bit more coordination between my Rabbi and the mikvah manager, specifically around money. I would have been happy to come with a check in an envelope. As it was, it was odd to end my visit to the mikvah fumbling in the car to find my checkbook (which I fortunately had with me), then running back to write a check. It was a bit of a “clunk” in a wonderful day.
KM, a male Renewal convert
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