Answer #1: What changed the most is that I am now part of something much larger than myself: I am part of the Jewish People, for better and for worse. Honestly, nearly everything about my life changed, but not all at once. I am the same person I was before but my relationship to most of my world has changed dramatically.
Conversion to Judaism was like finding a lost part of myself, and it took time for all the pieces to come together -- really, they are still coming together, because Judaism well lived is a lifetime journey. Sure, my eating habits changed and my Saturdays are different, but the deeper changes came in the ways I relate to other people and even to myself. Periodically something I read or a sermon I hear will cause me to examine the way in which I live a certain mitzvah. For instance, after hearing a sermon I decided that I needed to take better care of my body, which led to changes in my eating and exercise. I am a "conflict avoider" but I know I am commanded to make peace -- genuine peace, not fake peace! -- so I am much more likely to deal with problems than in the past. I worry about different things: I am very careful not to embarrass anyone. That was not on my radar twenty years ago! All these changes have made me a happier person. I knew I wanted to be a Jew; I did not realize, going in, how much it would challenge me and how rewarding the changes would be. I have received much, much more than I have given up, but in truth, there are some things that will always be a bit of an effort for me. (I miss pork -- ridiculous but true.)
However, I've never been sorry that I came home to Judaism, not for a moment.
Answer #2: I would say to this woman very seriously that her life will change no more and no less than she wants it to. Becoming Jewish is like coming home - it's not a matter of pushing yourself to look like someone else, it's a matter of growing so that you can look like *you*, so you can find that sweet spot where you are the person you know you were meant to be. I find that idea makes the superficial outside changes (will I keep kosher, will I cover my hair, what-have-you), so much less scary. Because *you* are in control, it's not change being forced on you. And it's not an on-off switch, your life can look as different or as similar as you want, and each day you can choose something new.
Answer #3: Since my conversion and bar mitzvah, my life has changed in several ways. I find myself thinking as if I have always been Jewish. I may not have the cultural experiences that born Jews have, but my soul seems Jewish to me. When I read passages from Torah, the stories are from my family history. Sarah is my mother. Abraham is my father. Israel is my home. I feel intimately connected to the stories. Before my conversion, I was a "ger". A stranger on the outside looking in. Also, when I look at life, I look at it from a Jewish perspective. "Oy" is an essential part of my personal vocabulary.
In my daily life, I attempt to keep as kosher as my life situation allows. I don't eat meat (from mammals) with dairy and I use separate plates when eating dairy. I find myself looking at what I eat and consciously deciding if it is "fit" for my consumption. I tend to lean towards the "eco-kosher" movement. Not only do I want to avoid eating things Torah doesn't permit, I want to support agricultural systems that are sustainable and humane.
Since my bar mitzvah, I have taken to wearing a kippah all the time--even at work. This has been the biggest impact in my life. It identifies me publicly as a Jew and thus makes me more conscious of my conduct. I want my actions to reflect positively upon the community. One wonderful thing about being visibly Jewish is that it invites curious people to learn about Judaism and its people. I see those invitations to be teachable moments where misunderstandings can be cleared up and people's horizons to be broadened. Even in my own family, my relatives ask questions about what it means to me to be Jewish. I wouldn't say that I'm perfectly Jewish, but I'm working on it.
This is another video from our LGBTQ and Converting Panel. Scott tells his story.
The way I started out is quite different from how I ended. Trying out some dietary practices, however minimally, to explore being Jewish is a good exercise for the new or pre convert. I did that myself, namely excluding pork products, which I previously ate regularly; therefore, it was an actual change. It sort of pained me to give up my daily sliced ham, but I enjoyed the sense that this was one of the things "making me a Jew." During my first Passover after my (Reform) conversion I went out of my way to observe the laws 100% as much as possible, including details like having no candy bars because they contain corn syrup, for instance. That Passover experience had a radical anti-kashrut effect on me: far from bonding me to kashrut it made me decide that it was all hocus-pocus. It's inconsistent and dishonest to adopt what is effectively an Orthodox practice for one week of the year but ignore other such practices for the remaining 51 weeks of the year. While kashrut is a Jewish practice historically, it's not a Reform practice, historic or current. To me, adopting such dietary practices smacks of "play acting." It's a smoke and mirrors game which gives the illusion of Jewishness but doesn't actually mean or prove anything, certainly nothing Reform. Far from it expressing insecurity, I think a Reform Jew who is against kashrut is being a tad more legitimate than those who claim to gain something from the relatively arbitrary choice not to eat certain things yet who don't follow the multitude of other "Jewish-making" practices, like not driving on Shabbat or turning on the lights. Reform takes its identity from other elements of religious life, not from relatively meaningless exercises which assume a "holiness" simply because they are done in the name of Judaism. However, this is a big Jewish tent we are all sitting under so a Reform Jew who follows kashrut isn't wrong in my eyes, just looking at it differently.
From CC, a Reform Male
Editor's Note: One clarification: the Reform movement, in the 1999 platform, called for a re-examination of traditional practices, like Kashrut. The movement encouraged Reform Jews to educate themselves in all the mitzvoth, to try doing them, and to make a conscious choice about which ones were meaningful to the individual. Consult your rabbi for a more detailed response to Reform observance.
I went to the mikvah from work, so I was wearing the same dress I wore to work that day. My rabbi and a friend from temple met me at the mikvah. I was converting with a Reform rabbi, so our temple didn't have a mikvah. In the city where I was living, the Conservative synagogue had a mikvah that they let us use. Here's my first tip: if your congregation doesn't have a mikvah and you have not seen the one you're going to use, go visit it before you go for the big day! I think I wouldn't have been so nervous had I actually seen a mikvah before then.
Once we arrived at the mikvah, I changed into my bath robe. Then the woman who ran the mikvah went inside with me, while the rabbi and my friend stayed outside the door (it was a slanted door, so they could hear what was going on in the mikvah). I immersed the three times and said the blessings each time. My second tip: each time you come out of the water, take a breath before you start reciting the blessing! I didn't the first time I came up, and I started choking on water midway through the blessing. My rabbi thought I was drowning.
After I came out of the mikvah and dressed, the rabbi went through a few prayers, asked me a few questions, and I took my Hebrew name. The rabbi, my friend, and I talked for a few minutes, and that was it! My third tip: make a plan for what you're going to do right after going to the mikvah. I didn't have a plan, and I wish that I would have had some plan. I left there feeling like this huge change had just taken place, but I didn't know what to do or where to go. Eventually, I just went home, but I wish that I would have done something else and shared the moment with someone. Do something special: have a fancy meal with loved ones, have a picnic in the park -- it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's something special to you. After you go to the mikvah, if you're anything like me, you're not going to want to be alone and you're not going to feel like jumping back into everyday life. This is an occasion to celebrate!
The next day was Shabbat, and the rabbi announced that I had gone to the mikvah and was officially Jewish. He also had me take an aliyah. Saturday night, a few of my friends had a small party for me and we made havdallah. My fourth and final tip: make sure to talk to your rabbi about what exactly is going to happen when you convert! As is probably pretty typical, I had been studying with my rabbi for so long by the time I converted that I didn't think to ask some basic questions about what would happen. Plus, he, more or less, assumed that I knew everything if I didn't ask him specifically. Ask questions, and tell him or her what you want. For example, I didn't have a beit din because my rabbi didn't convene them as a matter of course for conversions; however, in some ways, I kind of wish that I would have had one. If I would have told him that I wanted one, I'm sure he would have found a way to convene one.
SP, a female Reform convert who completed her conversion in Richmond, VA.
|