BECOMING JEWISH - Blog: Into the Jewish Pool

Disagreeing for the Sake of Heaven: Thoughts on Shavuot

5/28/2017

Rabbi Larry Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton said:

My colleague Rabbi Avi Schulman shared the following observation with me.

When our ancestors stood at Mt. Sinai and received the commandments, it was the first, and the last time, that we were all in agreement with one another. Sinai represents the moment of total unanimity in the Jewish community. In Exodus 24:7, we read: "Then [Moses] took the record of the covenant and read it aloud to the people. And they said, 'All that the Eternal has spoken we will faithfully do!' (Na'aseh v'nishmah)."

Ever since Sinai, though, Jews have not seen eye-to-eye. What guidelines can we derive from our tradition about disagreeing with one another?

This will be the topic for this year's Tikkun Leyl Shavuot, the evening of study we conduct annually together with Temple Beth Torah.

Our Tikkun will take place here at CBE on Tuesday, May 30, immediately following Shavuot evening services, which include Confirmation. The service begins at 7:30 p.m. Following a delicious Oneg Shavuot, we will begin our study session shortly after 9:00 p.m.

Rabbi Schulman and I will address two topics: the Biblical commandment of Tochacha, literally "reproof," and the Talmudic principle of Makhlochet L'shem Shamayim, "disagreement for the sake of heaven."

How do we talk to one another when we disagree? How do we share constructive feedback, when we believe that the other is wrong?

These are the hard conversations. To imagine that Jews can exist without such disagreement would be a fantasy. Yet, the value of Ahavat Yisrael, love of fellow Jews, compels us to find ways to talk without breaking the bonds that unite us.

Genesis Rabbah teaches: "Love without Tochacha is not love, and peace without Tochacha is not peace."

Hard conversations are necessary, and avoidance is not a virtue. At this year's Tikkun, we will explore the parameters of constructive communication, as understood in Jewish tradition.

Everyone is welcome to join Rabbis Milder and Schulman for services and study on May 30. If you have questions call one of the synagogues.
Beth Emek, Pleasanton, 925-931-1055
Beth Torah, Fremont, 510-656-7141

Shavuot and the story of Ruth

5/26/2017

Image from Wikipedia

We are approaching Shavuot, the holiday when we traditionally read the Book of Ruth. Ruth is the Torah’s most famous Jew by Choice. Rabbi Rebecca Gutterman wrote this beautiful message to her congregation about the moving story.

Dear Friends,

A number of years ago (at this time and season, as we Jews like to say), I was teaching the Book of Ruth to a group of teenagers. While there are stories that take their time in building the narrative and revealing the major plot points, this story is not one of them. Within the first 14 verses, the character of Naomi loses both her husband and her two sons, and her surviving daughters-in-law face the choice of remaining with Naomi or going back to their native land. With such life altering events presented one after the other, I asked my students what they thought this story was really about.

A rare moment of silence followed. And then someone ventured an answer. "Death," he said.

"Yes, and... what else?" I asked.

A longer moment of silence, and then someone else said: "Birth."

Both of them were absolutely right. The Book of Ruth, which is read each year at Shavuot and which speaks to the power of community and loving relationships, actually begins from a place of great loss. Devastated by the death of her family, Naomi pleads with daughters-in-law Ruth and Orpah to leave her, believing she can no longer be a source of sustenance to them. Standing at this literal and figurative crossroads, Orpah makes the difficult decision to heed Naomi, while Ruth cannot. In her refusal, there is rebirth, for in affirming their bond, each promises the other a future. Equally beautiful is that this text expresses no contempt for the direction Orpah chose. Or as another of student put it, "I think she just wanted to go home."

Don't we all.

And the roads we negotiate as we get there, the experiences we encounter and integrate on the way, carry both pain and joy. Whether returning to what is familiar like Naomi and Orpah, or folding one's life into the unknown like Ruth, new revelations await us all. That's what Shavuot celebrates. It is a harvest festival in every sense - for our forebears, and for us - then and now.

On Tuesday night May 30 beginning at 6:00pm, please join us for an Erev Shavuot celebration that will be the first of its kind in our congregation. We are blessed to have acquired a new Sefer Torah of our own, and will be celebrating the filling in of the final letters followed by bringing the completed scroll into the ark. This is a sacred milestone with a part for each of us to play. We look forward to welcoming you here as we welcome our new Torah home.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Gutterman
B'nai Tikvah, Walnut Creek

A Visit to Afikomen Judaica

4/9/2017

We invited friends around the San Francisco Bay Area to join us for a field trip to Afikomen Judaica. Afikomen is one of the few places still in existence that offers Judaica for sale. And that's its only purpose. (Send us a message here if you'd like to be invited to the next visit.)

We were only a few days from Passover, and so we all brought lists of things we may buy. As soon as we entered the shop, we were greeted by a visual display of color, as the purples, reds and blues of the talliot, kippot and other Jewish items delighted our senses.

We all immediately split up to go to various areas of interest within the shop. I had marching orders to obtain some matzoh, and, sure enough, Afikomen had a nice display of matzoh. They even had (shmurah matzah) the round, hand-made kind from Israel! After picking up several boxes, I looked around for a menorah, a hanukkiah, and found one on sale. Others looked for books on Pesach, or tallitot or other items. We even had to text photos of the kippot to a friend so he could see what colors they were!

After our hour-long visit, we all met up outside, compared our purchases, and walked or drove to a nearby restaurant on College. At lunch, we agreed that we had to do this again soon!

Above is a gorgeous Seder plate, part of the Passover display. To the left is a selection of menorahs.

Probably my favorite sign in the store is below, written by Chaim, the delightful owner.

A Rabbi Discusses the Conversion Process

2/14/2017

When a person is considering conversion to Judaism they usually want to answers to a set of questions. We asked these questions of Rabbi Corey Helfand of Peninsula Sinai of Foster CIty and we share his answers below.

Could you tell me what your general process is?
The process is on average 1 to 2 years, although to be fair, it is all dependent on the individual person. Some take longer, some less time. I try to customize it based on each person’s needs and goals.

Does it generally take a year for a person to learn all they need to convert?
The reason for one year at minimum is that I like for all of my students to see/experience/live a full holiday-cycle in the Jewish tradition. The second year focuses more on Jewish thought/philosophy, theology, the Holocaust/Zionism, and lifecycles. Learning and living Judaism is a life-long journey and through that lens, conversion is about beginning the journey. While it’s absolutely possible to learn the basics in the first year, including writing your spiritual autobiography and personal theology, it’s also important that we create a process that works for you. The first year will get you going on your journey, and hopefully inspire you to keep on learning.

Do your students take a basic Judaism class? If yes, with you or elsewhere?
All students are encouraged to take an intro to Judaism class, either with me or somewhere else locally. If one isn’t being offered, then I work with the student one on one.

In your one-on-one study how frequently do you meet with a student?
One-on-ones are either weekly or every other week depending on scheduling. I am also available to meet by phone and over Skype/FaceTime/Google Hangout etc.

Are there particular books you have your students read?
I ask everyone to start by reading Rabbi Wayne Dosick’s, Living Judaism as well as Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove’s, Jewish Theology in our Time. Students are also asked to read the weekly Torah portion. As time progresses, I have them read a book in each of the following categories: Jewish history, philosophy, Israel, and spirituality. Some book are a great fit and others are not. As our relationship develops, I’ll help you find additional reading material that will speak to where you are on your journey.

Where do you take your students for immersion and beit din?
I do batei din at the mikvaot in San Francisco, Oakland and Los Gatos. Just depends on scheduling and logistics.

When someone contacts you and says they want to convert do you turn them away 3 times?
Absolutely not. I follow Hillel and welcome them in. The rest is commentary and then we start learning.

Will I Ever Fit In?

1/10/2017

One of the questions that comes up frequently is, “Will I ever really fit in and feel totally Jewish?” This is a two way question. First, will the Jew by choice come to a point of feeling competent and comfortable with being Jewish? Will they “forget” not being Jewish and just BE?

Second, will the community accept converts as Jews?

To the first question the answer is a resounding YES. If you simply live a Jewish life, doing Jewish on a daily basis it will become who you are. There’s a good chance that it will take a few years. But it takes years to absorb a new language, get to know a new friend, learn a new skill. So don’t be discouraged, enjoy the process.

The second question is more difficult. Some born Jews will never accept the idea that a person can convert/become Jewish. For those who have less of a Jewish education and Jewish life, being a born Jew may be all the claim they have to being Jewish. They may not want others to “get to be Jewish” because it feels threatening to their own identity. Other Jews have much knowledge of rabbinic teaching and don’t accept that Judaism had accepted conversion since its inception.

Therefore, it may be hard in some Jewish environments to be affirmed as a Jew when you are a convert. If you find this to be the case – you are in the wrong place. That is not the synagogue or organization for you. Your sponsoring rabbi should be able to put you in touch with a community that is welcoming of converts.

In a class I attended an Orthodox rabbi was asked, “Are there any converts who are members of your synagogue?” He replied, “Yes! Any synagogue that does not have converts is not a real one because it would not include our ancestors Abraham and Sarah who were converts to Judaism.”

A Mikveh Story from Los Angeles

12/30/2016

(Rabbinical Assembly Mikveh at American Jewish University. Photo courtesy of Rabbinical Assembly)

A young person in Los Angeles emailed me to say that they will be going to the mikveh at the American Jewish University next month. I think it is important to SEE what mikvot look like to give folks an idea of what to expect. This one in Los Angles is quite modern and simple. In general, so are many mikvot. There is often a spa-like appearance. (Take a look at the local Bay Area mikvot also by choosing Category "Mikvah".

This article, Becoming Jewish: Tales from the Mikveh, shares some of the wonderful stories that the mikvah ladies, Judith Golden and Suzanne Rosenthal, have experienced.

A Woman talks about Christmas with her son & mother

12/20/2016

Here's a very heartwarming article from the Forward by a woman who converted with her son to Orthodox Judaism. Her mother is a minister and did/does a beautiful job of supporting her grandson and daughter. What a good and generous spirit she has.

How My Southern Baptist Minister Mother Explained Her First Christmas to My Orthodox Jewish Son

How have you engaged with family who celebrate Christmas? Was your first non-Christmas year hard? Does it get easier with time?

Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Tips on telling Catholic family that you're converting to Judaism

11/29/2016

A young person converting to Judaism asked for suggestions on how to tell their parents and grandparents that they are leaving Catholicism.

Here are the responses of three Jews by choice.

A monk at the Graduate Theological Union Franciscan school told me about one of his students who converted to Judaism because she wanted to share the same religion as Jesus. That could be seen as a logical next step for some Christians who love and honor Jesus, no?

This is a hard decision to make if he was raised Catholic, as I was.
My suggestions is make sure he can justify his reasons for converting, then invite them to a life cycle event, wedding, baby naming, Hanukkah, etc. include them to his Jewish world.
The last thing they want is to lose him, by including them means they are not losing him but gaining another culture.
Be sure he is prepared for the worst, they may be very hurtful, be strong in his conviction.
Start with the person that he thinks will understand and go from there.
It's not easy but if he feels strongly about the decision to convert and he has a supportive family they will accept his decision.

1. I wonder if he has any siblings whose life choices would make his decision look good by comparison? (That’s one factor that helped me with my parents.)
2. Many Christians admire the “Old Testament” as a sort of “Grandparent” religious text (as in, “He’s going with the grandparents’ faith.”)
3. Any scientists in the family? Tenets such as Immaculate Conception, Resurrection, and “Son of God” (aren’t we all sons and daughters of God?) are hard for scientists to reconcile with Christianity.

Class: Judaism's Big Questions

10/28/2016

Many of us loved attending classes at Beth Jacob in Oakland with Rabbi Dardik. When Rabbi Dardik made aliyah we were quite sad. Luckily Rabbi Gershon Albert is Beth Jacob's rabbi now and he will be following in the footsteps of Rabbi Dardik in offering a series of classes on THE BIG QUESTIONS!

Drop in on a topic that interests you or come every week. It's all good! See you in class.

Judaism’s Big Questions
“Ask good questions.” This piece of advice has fostered a thirst for knowledge in the Jewish people for generations. This year, we have compiled some of the most important and interesting Jewish questions; let’s engage in the study of some answers (and of course more questions) together!
With Rabbi Gershon Albert

Date and Time: Tuesday Evenings at 7:15 – 8:15pm
Location: Beth Jacob Congregation, 3778 Park Blvd, Oakland, Main Sanctuary

Tentative Schedule (Subject to Change – contact Beth Jacob at (510) 482-1147 for up to the minute details.)

November 8: Introduction: A brief history of Jewish history and thought
November 22: Is the world actually 5777 years old? And other contradictions between science and tradition?
November 29: What is the soul?
December 6: Evil Part 1: What is evil and why does it exist?
January 10: Evil Part 2: why did God create man with an evil inclination?
January 17: Does Judaism believe in the afterlife and reincarnation?
January 24: What is the Messiah? What do we believe about the end of days?
January 31: Does Judaism believe in free will?
February 7: Do Jews need to believe? (Do we need to believe in God?)
February 14: Why do Jews call themselves the “Chosen People”?
February 21: What does Judaism think about other religions and cultures?
February 28: What are Jewish attitudes towards work?
March 7: Kashrut, Shatnez, Mikvah, and more. Are there reasons behind the laws I can’t wrap my head around?
March 21: Why do observant Jews dress funny? Modesty in the Jewish tradition.
March 28: What is Torah and what is the significance of its study?
May 2: Philosophical Responses to the Holocaust.
May 9: What is Halacha and how did it develop?
May 16: It’s just a hug! What does Halacha say about interactions with the opposite gender?
May 23: What is the value of Israel in traditional Judaism?
June 6: What is Judaism? A nation, ethnic group, religion, or culture?
June 13: It’s your turn – send in your big questions about Judaism!

What's in a Jewish Name?

10/28/2016

Rabbi Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton sent out an email to his congregation about Jewish Names.

If you are working out what Hebrew name you'll choose, take a look at what Rabbi Milder has to say.

Note that he sent this message out and invited congregants who don't have a Hebrew name to get one on Shabbat Shemot, Friday, January 20, 2017

What's Your Jewish Name?
It's not Frank, even if you can transliterate that into Hebrew letters.
Your Jewish name includes your Jewish parent's name, because it is an indication of how you acquired your Jewish identity. That's why Jews-by-choice get the parentage of Abraham and Sarah [Avraham v'Sarah], not their own parents' names, as their own parents are not Jews. Similarly, the child of one Jewish parent and one non-Jewish parent includes the Jewish parent's name in his/her own Jewish name. This is a name that has a ritual role, and is a Jewish identifier; hence, the focus on Jewish lineage. So, if Peter (Pesach) has a Jewish father named Paul (Shaul) and a non-Jewish mother named Mary, his Jewish name is Pesach ben Shaul. His Jewish name is not Pesach ben Shaul v'Mary.
Back to Frank. Jewish names are names derived from Jewish tradition. They generally have a Hebrew etymology. For that reason, Carol is not a Jewish name. It may be the name of a Jew, but Carol's Jewish name is a name drawn from our heritage, not from the heritage of other peoples.
Many of us have Yiddish names. Some rabbis prefer to translate Yiddish names into their Hebrew equivalents, while others (like me) view Yiddish names as part of our heritage. Zisl ben Motke v'Sheindel is a name that might have been used for centuries in Jewish ritual contexts, like Ketubot (wedding contracts) or Aliyot (being called to the Torah).
Over the course of time, the pronunciation of Jewish names sometimes becomes corrupted. It is always appropriate to reclaim the authentic pronunciation of the person for whom you were named, particularly if the way your great-aunt pronounced it makes no sense whatsoever.
I would like to help you record your authentic Hebrew name. Please be in touch!