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Acceptance (or not) of converts by Orthodox rabbis

6/15/2022

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I read the following communication on a Chabad website where people were asking questions about conversion.
 
 QUESTION: "I know that ultra-Orthodox Jews do not think of converts as fully Jewish, although I did go to mikvah as well as do all the other things for my conversion." 

ANSWER: Where could you have possibly gotten this idea from??? I'm shocked to hear someone is saying such things. If you had a conversion according to Jewish law, then everyone accepts that you are 100% Jewish. If your conversion was not according to halacha, then every possible type of Orthodox Jew doesn't believe that you are even partially Jewish.

The problem in your case may be that if you didn't have a rabbi that believes in the absolute binding nature of Torah law upon every Jew, then he cannot bind you to the Torah either. That is part of Jewish law, and at least as important as mikvah.
 
What I found particularly interesting is the last paragraph, stating that if the rabbi who converts you does not believe “in the absolute binding nature of Torah law upon every Jew, then he cannot bind you to the Torah either. That is part of Jewish law, and at least as important as mikvah.”
 
This answers the question, why don’t Orthodox rabbis accept the converts from other movements.  I have always told people that it isn’t about them, it’s about their rabbi. It is important that a seeker understand that when they pick a sponsoring rabbi they are also picking that rabbi’s stream of Judaism.
 
I am also struck by the questioner’s comment that some see him as not “fully Jewish.” That is a very non-Jewish concept. Being Jewish is one of those yes or no states of being. You can’t be sort of Jewish.  That said, many people entertain the idea of being partially Jewish.
 
What are your thoughts? Did you pick your sponsoring rabbi with the knowledge that you were picking their branch of Judaism?
Do you think of some people as partly Jewish?
Do you ever think of yourself as partly Jewish?
What do you think of the idea that Torah law is absolutely binding on every Jew – whether they abide by it or not.
 
 ***
Here's a conversation that resulted from sending this out in an email to all my Jews by Choice.

Bina:
This is quite an unusual, but interesting question.
 
That reminded me of this one incidence some years ago.  I was speaking with two brothers who were curious about the path I had to take and which movement I did my conversion under.  I told them my Rabbi is from the Conservative movement as was my beit din, but my rabbi had gotten the agreement of a modern Orthodox Rabbi that we could use the mikvah at the Orthodox synagogue for the final conversion ritual.
 
This sparked a debate between the two brothers about whether I am Orthodox or not Orthodox.  As you know, some people would only accept Orthodox conversion as a "true" conversion. One brother's view was that I didn't go through the Orthodox agency in Los Angeles or East Coast, so I don't have the "real" certificate to certify I am a "true" Jew.  The other brother felt that I was "dunked" in the Orthodox mikvah, so I am Orthodox regardless of the paper certificate. I agree that was a very strange debate & discussion, but I didn't feel offended because I consider myself Jewish because I entered the covalent bond on my own will, regardless of the branch of Judaism.
 
Dawn:
You bring up an additionally and VERY INTERESTING point - does the location of the mikvah matter?  One of the issues that Rabbi Dardik encountered as the rabbi of the Orthodox synagogue in Oakland, Beth Jacob, that has a mikvah used by the community is that many people assumed that being brought to an orthodox mikvah meant that they had had an orthodox conversion. Not so. Your status as a Jew is determined by the rabbi who takes you to mikvah. So you were taken by a Conservative rabbi and are therefore, Conservative. But here you tell me that it's not just the convert who is confused, so are the Jews!
 
I LOVE that you say you are not offended because you believe yourself to be Jewish.  I will add that it matters what others think, and your entire community (and your rabbi) say you are a Jew.  I guess you could say that swimming laps in an Olympic pool doesn't make you an Olympian. It's not about the water.
 
 
Bina:
Yeah, I really think that as long as I regard myself as Jewish, and so is my community and rabbi, that is all that matters.  I agree there is no such thing as "partially Jewish".
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If I convert, will I be accepted as Jewish?

5/9/2022

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(This article was first published in my Mixed and Matched column for the J-weekly on August 29, 2014 titled:
If I Convert Will I Be Accepted as Jewish?)

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Dear Dawn,
My fiancé is Jewish and I was raised basically Christian but not going to church. I really like his family traditions and am attracted to Judaism. I am thinking of converting, but a Jewish co-worker told me that I can never really be Jewish. If I go forward with my plan to convert, will I be accepted as Jewish in America? What about in Israel? — Feeling Jewish Inside

Dear Feeling Jewish: People have been converting to Judaism since time immemorial; some are quite famous, like Ruth, who has her own book in the Jewish Bible and from whose lineage it is said the Messiah will come.
My guess is that your co-worker is not part of a synagogue or a Jewish study program. In a formal Jewish setting, he would have learned that being Jewish is not only a matter of lineage. Conversion is the “other” way people become Jewish.
Not a lot of people convert to Judaism, so most Jews don’t know much about converts. There are two general stereotypes about converts. One, they are super Jews — more knowledgeable and more observant than born Jews. Two, they are fair-weather Jews; at any moment they will lapse back to their non-Jewish identity. Neither of these is fair or accurate, but stereotypes rarely are.
In modern days we have several different branches of Judaism. For Jews-by-choice, their identity as Jews is determined by that of the rabbi who converts them. So if you work with a Reform rabbi, you will have a Reform conversion and Jews who believe your rabbi is authentic will accept you as Jewish.
Reform Jews accept as validly Jewish those converts who work with ordained rabbis from major Jewish streams. Other movements have other criteria, and Orthodox rabbis accept only Orthodox conversions as truly authentic.
In general, for purposes of the law of return, or immigration, the government of Israel accepts those who have been converted outside Israel by rabbis who are on the official government list. Rabbis who wish to have their conversions accepted must get their names on the list. At this time, I understand, the Reform, Conservative, Orthodox and Reconstructionist movements all have their rabbis on the list. The Renewal movement has not done so yet.
However, the Orthodox Israeli rabbinate accepts few converts outside of their own movement. What they control in Israel is marriage and burial, so unless you’re planning to be married or buried in Israel, you needn’t be concerned.
Now, what about those who don’t accept you? Ask yourself, do you accept their views of Jewish law and practice? If yes, then convert with their movement. If not, then let it go.
Should you convert at all? If you feel Jewish inside, then yes, it is time to bring your Jewish soul home. You should be doing this for yourself, not for your marriage. I trust that your fiancé is supportive of you and will work with you as you study to become a Jew. Will people, Jews and non-Jews, question your authenticity over the years ahead? Perhaps, but this is about you, not them. You will develop your own Jewish circle and they will see you as a Jew.
One point: In order to convert, you must study with a rabbi for a period of time, typically a year. During that time the rabbi considers the door to be open. That means you are welcome to leave at any time. Should you study for a few months and then determine that you don’t want to become Jewish, there are no hard feelings. You can remain friends with the rabbi and go on as a non-Jewish member of the synagogue.
I suggest that you begin. If your fiancé or his parents are members of a Bay Area synagogue, call and make an appointment with their rabbi. Ask about that rabbi’s conversion process. Sign up for a basic Judaism class. Not only will you learn a lot, you’ll meet a number of other people who are considering or in the process of conversion. They will be helpful voices in your decision process. Be sure to take your fiancé along to the class; it will be something to share.
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Ocean Mikvahs in the SF Bay Area

12/16/2021

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(This article originally appeared in the December 15, 2021 Mixed and Matched column in the J-weekly.)







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​Dear Dawn: The final component of my conversion will be the mikvah. I want to complete this step, but our local mikvah has been closed through the pandemic. Is the mikvah mandated for conversion in Reform Judaism? (I want to do it, whether it’s required or not.)  Can I do it in an ocean, with a representative on shore? I am looking forward to the ceremonial solemnity. — Patiently awaiting my mikvah

Dear Patiently: Many people have faced the same problem during the pandemic, and rabbis have opted for an outdoor mikvah! No, mikvah is not mandated for a Reform conversion, but who would want to miss out?
You stimulated my interest in learning some of our local rabbis’ approach to an outdoor mikvah. I was surprised by how many of them do utilize this option.
It is critical that you meet with your rabbi and discuss the details of how the outdoor mikvah will be handled.
Issues include: modesty (public nudity is out); safety (rough waves are dangerous); participants (you will need helpers); clothing (avoid wardrobe malfunctions in the water); ceremony (what exactly will happen and in what order?)
Generally speaking, the rabbis I communicated with look for a secluded location on a beach, away from the eyes of the public. Candidates may wear either a bathing suit or a loose-fitting garment like a robe. Rabbis may ask whether you can swim; they will refuse to put you in danger.
A loved one accompanies the convert to a spot in the surf where it is deep enough to lift your feet off the bottom and dip under the water. Your companion will help you disrobe if you are wearing a swimsuit or want to be naked. They hold your garment while the rabbi calls out to you from the shore, telling you what to say and when to dunk.
After the three dips are completed, your companion will help you dress before you exit the water. Some rabbis have a Thermos with a warm drink waiting. Several rabbis described having family members hold up towels to shield the new Jew as they take off their wet clothes and put on dry ones. Several rabbis mentioned going early in the morning or at sunset to avoid running into others.
Here are some comments I received:
Lisa Erdberg, conversion guide, Congregation Sherith Israel, San Francisco
The people strip down to bathing suits on the beach, go into the water and remove their bathing suits under water. After their immersions, they put their bathing suits back on under water and emerge. We wrapped them in towels to dry off, and then they put their clothes back on. There is a restroom very close by that they can use. They recited the Shema in the water.
My sense is that people have found the water to be very cold, but they are so excited that it doesn’t actually feel cold.
Because it’s the Pacific Ocean, it is cold with choppy water. It’s hard to hear because of the wind. They can only let go of their bathing suits for a second. Immersion in a calm ocean or lake would be a much more tranquil affair and offer more opportunity for intentionality.
Rabbi Jaymee Alpert, Congregation Beth David, Saratoga
Candidates dress in loose-fitting clothes and bring a change and plenty of towels for afterward. They go in alone, just far enough that they can pick their feet up and immerse fully. It is quite noisy with the waves, and I have to listen carefully for the blessings.
Once out of the water, they wrap up in a towel immediately. I think they are very brave. I haven’t managed to put more than a foot into the water. I had to reschedule a conversion because of riptides, so that is also something to be aware of.
Rabbi Gershon Albert, Beth Jacob Congregation, Oakland
Some Orthodox beit dins (rabbinical courts) will allow a conversion candidate to wear a loose-fitting robe or wrap themselves in a sheet when they immerse, protecting their modesty throughout the process.
Rabbi David Booth, Congregation Kol Emeth, Palo Alto
I have them wear a robe or wrap themselves in a sheet when going into the water, and then just put it back on as they emerge. It is true that there are days when the surf is up and it’s more exciting than planned.
Rabbi Jonathan Prosnit, Congregation Beth Am, Los Altos Hills
In a phone conversation, Rabbi Prosnit told me there is a protected cove area at Half Moon Bay that he uses. The candidate goes with a friend or partner, both in bathing suits, into the water. When they have waded in deep enough to disrobe under the water (about 20 yards out), the candidate takes off their bathing suit and dips. He guides them in the traditional blessings from the shore. The individual redresses in the water and comes out to a celebration with loved ones on the shore.
Rabbi Prosnit pointed out that the mikvah preparation of showering, flossing and cleaning under the nails can be very beautiful, but generally is not possible in a beach setting.
Water locations used by Bay Area rabbis include Santa Cruz beaches, the Albany Bulb (which is the end of a landfill peninsula), Half Moon Bay or nearby Mavericks Beach, Lake Anza in Berkeley, San Gregorio Beach (south of Half Moon Bay), and three San Francisco spots: the St. Francis Yacht Club, Aquatic Park near Fisherman’s Wharf and Crissy Field.
This is clearly an individualized process that you must discuss with your rabbi, but the good news is that it can be done.
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An Ocean Mikvah

11/3/2021

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An ocean mikvah experience in Hawaii
Can you use the ocean for your mikvah? You can! A friend of mine who LOVES the water asked about using the ocean. I contacted the conversion mentor, Lisa, at Sherith Israel because she told me that they have done ocean mikvahs. She asked one of her conversion students to write about his experience. Here's what he had to say.

When the day of my mikvah had come, it was typical San Francisco foggy weather but something was obviously different about it. I felt a bit intimidated by what's going to happen to me, yet I was calm and at peace. It felt that something very important is going to occur, spiritually significant. When I was taking off my clothes with the skies being orange because of the smoke from forest fires, I caught myself correlating this with the verses, when the world was just emerging in the Torah and that the culmination of the most important moment in my life is about to happen. I was ready to step into the cold waters of the Bay but, surprisingly, the water was beyond comfortable, as if HaShem covered me with his warm tallit to save me from cold temperatures. Rabbi Jessica and Lisa were mentally holding my hands as I went further and further into the water. All my intimidation disappeared once I looked back at them. Water became very pleasant. When Rabbi Jessica pronounced the prayers and I submerged three times - my entire life flashed in front of my eyes, even the moments that I almost forgot about! Once I came back from the water, the world became different, clearer, I even became more aware of the people and notions around me. This is something I don't think I can explain with simple words: it must be felt and the feeling is amazing. This was especially important for me because this way I spiritually bring my Jewish ancestors together and keep that connection: my long-"erased" Jewish ancestry is now restored! That's why my entire conversion at Sherith Israel was so important to me. 
--Aharon 

I turned back to the conversion mentor, Lisa, for more details about an ocean immersion. I asked about HOW it is done and about the temperature of the water. She said:

We did the two Bay mivkahs I attended at the beach by the St. Francis Yacht Club; I believe the other one was at Aquatic park, but more or less same environment. The people stripped down to bathing suits on the beach, went into the water and removed their bathing suits under water. After performing their immersions they put their bathing suits back on under water and came out. We wrapped them in towels to dry off and then the put their clothes back on; there is a restroom very close by that they could use if they wanted to remove their wet bathing suits before putting their clothes on. They recited the Shema in the water. They did not hold a Torah - we don’t do that at the indoor mikvah either; the recitation of the Shema is the last thing after the immersions. We all shivered and sang siman tov and mazel tov. 

My sense is that people have found the water to be very cold but they are so excited that it doesn’t actually  feel cold; both the people I witnessed said it felt good.

Quite honestly, because it’s the Pacific Ocean, hence cold, windy, and usually choppy water, it’s kind of a hodgepodge. It’s hard to hear because of the wind; they can only let go of their bathing suits for a brief second, etc. Immersion in a calm ocean or lake would be a much more tranquil affair and offer more opportunity for intentionality. And yet, you see from Aharon’s narrative how meaningful it was to him to do it this way.

I can't resist sharing with you Aharon's additional comments about making aliyah and living in Jerusalem.

The High Holy Days were magnificent here! I got to know a couple of families in the suburbs of Jerusalem who are affiliated with the Ramban synagogue and we had an amazing celebration. It truly feels more connected to HaShem over here, even though they're from the Orthodox denomination. I know different parts of Israel are quite different in a religious sense like Jerusalem can go too extreme in terms of observance but nobody really cares about Judaism in Eilat. I love Jerusalem! I truly found my spiritual destination here and will stay here. Probably, I'll have to undergo Orthodox conversion (more symbolic, than actual) here as Rabbi Avigdor Nebenzahl will require it to become a full-fledged member. I'm shocked about the number of young Americans in there who study the Torah with such dedication. The English version of the Torah comes in handy as I'm still learning Biblical Hebrew. Russian too, to be honest, but, I believe, submerging myself into the language environment - that's the only good way of actually learning the language. Yes, it's very challenging, but having such a big team with me is very important, a day here flies by very fast when I'm at the Torah discussion. I'm absolutely grateful to HaShem that I ended up here, in the Holy Land.

You can read more here on My Jewish Learning, but I found this article to be rather discouraging.
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Your Spiritual Workout

10/20/2021

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Rabbi Larry Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton wrote joyfully to his congregation:

Your Spiritual Workout Routine
The heart needs to be moved—not just physically, but spiritually, too.
Shabbat morning is when we really get to stretch our spiritual side.
Mind you, I love Friday night worship. It is like the calming breath for the soul.
Shabbat morning is when our heart takes flight. The apex of Shabbat morning is the reading of the Torah. Not only is that when the action of the service really picks up; it’s also when we are most fully engaged.
Now that we are back in our sanctuary, we are ready for some serious Torah encounters.

YES! We are all getting closer to returning to our synagogues in person. I can't wait. I miss everything about being with the community. 

Rabbi Milder's words reminded me of something that Rabbi Daniel Stein of B'nai Shalom in Walnut Creek said. He taught that we must pray in order to practice praying. He said, "It's like baseball. You won't hit the ball every time you are at bat, but you have to practice so that sometimes you'll hit a homerun."

I wish us all a homerun at shul soon!
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I lost my conversion certificate. Now what?

9/29/2021

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This correspondence was first published in my Mixed and Matched column for the J-weekly. 

Dear Dawn: Many years ago, under the guidance of a Conservative rabbi in Queens, New York, I converted to Judaism. My records have been lost and no one connected with the synagogue has been able to help me in recovering the document of my conversion.  What am I to do in this situation? I am more than willing to undergo the process again, but I don’t know if a rabbi would consider this appropriate. I am also currently living in a remote location; no Jewish community here. — Jewish for a long time

Dear JFALT: You’ve presented me with an interesting question I’ve never confronted before — so I did some research.
Here’s what I found. No matter which movement an individual chooses for their conversion, it is best for that person to hold onto their conversion certificate! If you are a Jew by choice, make a copy, upload it to the cloud, save it to your computer, put a copy or the original in your safe deposit box.
The responsibility is primarily on you, the individual.
That said, here’s how the three largest Jewish movements handle conversion records.
The Reform movement encourages its rabbis to send a copy of each of their converts’ certificates to the central archive in the American Jewish Archives in Cincinnati. Many of the Reform rabbis remember to do this, but not all of them. If you convert with a Reform rabbi, you should confirm that they do that for you.
The Conservative movement encourages its rabbis to send a copy of the certificate to the Rabbinical Assembly in New York. One Conservative rabbi I spoke with had never been told this information! The moral of the story: Speak up, ask for your records to be sent, and keep a copy for yourself.
The Orthodox movement has a few approved beit din (rabbinic courts) around the United States. This means that people seeking to convert must travel to the location of the beit din for an interview and, of course, mikvah. Each beit din retains its own records. Thus, converts who have worked with one of these courts must contact their court for a duplicate certificate.
Your inquiry, JFALT, led me to wonder: When have you actually needed to produce your certificate? I asked you, and you replied that while you have never had to show it, the certificate itself has great meaning for you.
In fact, it’s so important to you that you’ve decided if you can’t get your certificate via the Rabbinical Assembly, you have found a rabbi who will take you to the mikvah again and give you a new certificate.
I take my hat off to your commitment and sentiment! Still, I hope the Rabbinical Assembly can help you.
All of this left me with a question: When do Jews-by-choice get asked to prove their status? I asked rabbis from the same three movements.
The Reform and Conservative rabbis I spoke with said they’ve never asked someone to provide their certificate. They’ve never had occasion to question someone’s self-proclaimed identity as a Jew or as a Jew-by-choice, they said. (One Reform rabbi did get a call from a synagogue once asking if he had indeed converted a person who was applying to teach in their Hebrew school.)
It is different for the Orthodox community and rabbis. Halachah (Jewish law) is as binding for their community as American law is for U.S. citizens. Proof of Jewish status is required for people who want to be members of an Orthodox shul, put their children in an Orthodox day school, go to a summer camp or be married by the rabbi.
As a Reform rabbi said to me, “For traditional Jews, this is simply law, not personal.”
Obviously, if you have chosen to convert to Judaism via Orthodoxy, you learn this and take it on as your way of life.
Ironically, I note that rabbis either don’t ask about status or, if they are required to, they ask everyone, not just those who may have converted.
Let this be guidance to all members of a congregation: We lay people do not need to question another person’s status.
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New Lehrhaus!

9/14/2021

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Over the last two decades I have referred many of you to classes - basic Judaism, Hebrew, history and literature - offered by Lehrhaus Judaica. Suddenly in June 2021 it was announced that Lehrhaus would close. The community was devastated, as was I. But almost immediately a group formed to revitalize this worthy institution. 

I am thrilled to tell you that NEW LEHRHAUS has been created and classes will resume in October 2021. The website of New Lehrhaus is still under construction but you can see a list of classes. If you have any confusion, just email me, Dawn, at dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org.

Full disclosure, I am on the board of the New Lehrhaus and honored to be asked to help move Jewish education forward in the Bay Area. Our classes will be primarily online for the foreseeable future due to Covid, but we look forward to being in-person as soon as possible. So get vaccinated so I can see you in class!
​Dawn Kepler
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Transitioning to my true self includes converting to Judaism. Can I?

8/11/2021

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I received an inquiry to my column in the J-weekly, Mixed and Matched, about whether a transperson could convert to Judaism. Here is what they wrote.

I have been depressed much of my life because I don’t fit the gender I was born with. I want to transition and I want to convert to Judaism. Some Jewish friends have told me I can convert and others have said I can’t. I know that I have to transition to my true gender in order to find life worth living. I also very much want to be Jewish. I have read a number of books and listened to teachings online. I think a Reform rabbi would accept me. Can you tell me if that is correct? I fear that I may be more tradition oriented than the Reform movement. I’m not saying I want to be Orthodox.  Do I have any other option? If it is permitted, how do I get started?
 — Big Changes

Here is my reply:
Dear Big: You are correct that you can convert to Judaism with a Reform or a Conservative rabbi no matter how you define your gender. Conservative Judaism may be the path for you given your interest in a more observant lifestyle. Orthodox streams of Judaism would be more challenged to accept you, so you seem to be positioned well for a middle path.
I will note that asking Jewish friends for help with questions about conversion is a common practice, and the non-Jewish person may be confused by the answers. You were wise to ask several people and to determine that none of them appeared to have the final answer, even though each spoke to a certain truth. I’m glad you reached out to me for assistance.
Reading on your own and learning online is a good start, especially during the pandemic. The next steps are these:
Determine whether Conservative Judaism is right for you. Explore the websites of Conservative shuls near you, attend their services online and check out the national headquarters, United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism.
Find a sponsoring rabbi. You’ll need a rabbi who is your teacher and guide as you learn about Judaism and prepare to lead a Jewish life. As you “attend” services, try to get a feel for the rabbi(s) at your local synagogues. Call the ones with whom you feel comfortable and talk to them about how they are handling the conversion process at this time. Tell them your concern about being accepted as a trans person so that they can reassure you. Be prepared for awkward exchanges about the human body, because conversion is different for males and females (as males are expected to be circumcised). Please be aware that these issues, while rather commonplace for rabbis, may not be for you. Just tell them if you feel uncomfortable so they can adjust their approach.
Study. You’ll need to learn a lot, and your sponsoring rabbi will guide you in this. They may also want you to attend a basic Judaism class. (There are a number online.) The advantage of a class is that you’ll meet a number of others who are also curious learners.
Experience the Jewish calendar. The vast majority of rabbis require that a student study with them for at least one year. This allows the student to become acquainted with each holiday.
Decide that Judaism is right for you. The second advantage of your study taking a year or more is that you have adequate time to determine whether you really do want to become Jewish. No rabbi expects you to commit to converting at the outset. Rather, rabbis want to study with you and wait to see if you decide this is really what you want.
Formally convert. When you and your rabbi believe you are ready, you will go before a beit din (rabbinic court) and, if they give you their approval, you will go to the mikvah (ritual bath). Since you, Big, may also be scheduling surgeries, you’ll need to determine with your doctor when it is safe for you to immerse in water.
I have a dear friend who transitioned to their true self — a different gender than how they were born, and a different religion, too! At times they were sad or impatient that things weren’t happening faster. I tell you what I told them: “Put one foot in front of the other. Take the steps that are necessary for both these changes. Time will pass and you will be your correct gender and a Jew.”
Make friends at the synagogue of your choice. Ask your rabbi to introduce you to others who have converted so you can exchange questions, answers and stories. If the shul has an LGBTQ group, ask if you can join it even before you are a Jew.
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What Is Haftarah and How Do I Chant It?

12/31/2020

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​Rabbi Milder of Congregation Beth Emek in Pleasanton recently share this description of Haftorah. You'll see that he is offering a class on how to chant. The cost to non-members of Beth Emek is $60. Take a look at the details.

The highlight of Shabbat morning is the chanting of Torah and Haftarah.
 
What is Haftarah? In spite of the similarity of the words, Haftarah has nothing to do with the word Torah. Torah means instruction, from a root meaning “to aim.” Haftarah, however, comes from a root meaning “conclusion.” It refers to the reading from the Prophets, which was implemented by the Rabbis as a conclusion to the Torah reading.
 
Haftarah was introduced in order to emphasize that the books of the Prophets are sacred. Unlike Torah, however, we only read selections from the Prophets over the course of the year. These excerpts are usually related thematically to the week’s Torah portion, but for certain weeks of the year, the Haftarah has to do with the season and its holy days.
 
One of the things that distinguishes the Haftarah reading from the Torah reading is that they are chanted to different melodies. The “trope” signs used to indicate the melody are the same signs, but they are sung differently when applied to Haftarah. Most of Torah reading can be thought of as being in a major key, while most of Haftarah can be thought of as being in a minor key.
 
Learning to chant Haftarah is like learning a set of musical patterns, and then applying each pattern (2 – 6 notes) to a word. It is fascinating, musically expressive, and a wonderful way to communicate the meaning of the text.
 
Anyone who has a basic Hebrew reading ability can learn to chant Haftarah. One of the advantages of Haftarah over Torah chanting is that the Haftarah may be sung from a printed text, including the vowels and trope signs, unlike Torah, which is chanted from a handwritten scroll. It’s a whole lot easier to remember!
 
I invite you to enroll in this winter’s adult ed class, Learn to Chant Haftarah. In seven sessions, I will teach you this beautiful melody. You’ll be able to chant a Haftarah passage when you are done!
 
Class begins on Sunday, January 10, from 3:00 – 4:00 pm online. We will meet on Sundays when there is religious school.
 
Enroll now at Learn to Chant Haftarah.
 
Rabbi Larry Milder

NOTE: You must be able to read Hebrew enough to recognize letters and pronounce words.
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My rabbi doesn’t understand what Christmas means to me

12/24/2020

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(This article originally appeared in my column Mixed and Matched in the J-weekly)

Dear Dawn: I am single and have no Jewish relations. But I have taken years to determine that I want to be Jewish. I am working on converting. I have one problem. My rabbi tells me that I have to give up Christmas. I have never practiced another religion, including Christianity, but I have always had Christmas with my extended family when I lived in the same state. When I moved away, I continued to decorate my house, including a tree. I love the smell of an evergreen tree. I love the lights and the special feelings of a holiday that it feels like the entire world is celebrating. I honestly don’t think my rabbi can understand how I feel because it is a lifelong practice for me and he has never done it. Do you have any suggestions? I’m at a standstill. I refuse to lie to him and currently I just can’t say I’ll give up having a tree. — Stuck


Dear Stuck: I think you are right that your rabbi can’t personally understand how you feel about Christmas. In America there is no Jewish holiday that the entire country celebrates. It might be helpful to have a frank discussion with him and articulate how this change feels for you — in detail. Being heard out is very powerful. I hope he will not waste time telling you why you need to give up Christmas and will simply affirm your feelings of loss.
If you were having an Orthodox conversion, the process would take a few years and you would be able to experiment with reducing Christmas traditions while at the same time increasing the role Judaism plays in your life. Since you are converting in one of the less stringent streams of Judaism, the process will typically take about one year. That means a student can potentially go from a year in which they have Christmas with all the trimmings to a year in which there is no Christmas at all. That kind of change is dramatic and can be quite hard. I think you need time to build up your Jewish practice, as well as your Jewish emotional and communal bonds. Right now you are thinking about going from “plenty” to nothing.
There is no rule that you must convert in a single year. Consider talking to your rabbi about taking your time to transition into being Jewish. Spend an additional year having Shabbat every week and attending shul for holidays, classes and social activities. Build your circle of Jewish friends. Begin imbuing each Jewish holiday with meaning and memories. Be sure to spend them with friends and with family, if that is possible. Make a point of starting a food tradition around your practice. Books like Joan Nathan’s “Jewish Holiday Cookbook” can help you get started.
If you intend to give up Christmas eventually, you could try talking to your rabbi about making it a gradual process after your conversion.
I am struck by how hurried some students are about becoming Jewish. They act like it is a race and the first one there wins. That simply is not true. Becoming Jewish takes time, and growing as a Jew takes a lifetime. The trip to the mikvah is just one stop on the journey of a Jewish life. Don’t let anyone pressure you to move faster. If you need to, you can take several years to make the transition.
You are not alone in this challenge. Many people who want to convert or are converting really balk at the idea of giving up the tree. This symbol is so loaded. For those who have celebrated all their lives, it is often deeply emotional. There are family memories that are wrapped up in the smells, sights, sounds and ambiance of this time of year. Not observing the holiday means that you may feel lonely and left out at times as the world around you embraces Christmas from September through December. That’s a pretty long time.
Being different is part of being Jewish. Finding community and meaning in that difference is central to living as a Jew.
Finally, many Jews by birth and Jews by choice do celebrate Christmas. You could find another rabbi for whom giving up Christmas is not a requirement. You must decide how you want to live as a Jew. If you decide to be a Jew with a tree, please don’t justify it as “not religious or important.” Be honest and say it is important, and be frank about your reasons.
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