BECOMING JEWISH - Blog: Into the Jewish Pool

Jewish Responses to Charlottesville

8/14/2017

(Clergy united against racism, violence and terrorism in Charlottesville)

What a terrible time in America. The Jewish world is acutely aware that countries have walked down this dark road before.

Rabbi Ruth Adar writes, "The events in Charlottesville are a wake-up call to all of us who were asleep." Continue reading here.

Many recall the chilling words of Pastor Martin Niemöller, a prominent Protestant pastor who emerged as an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler. He wrote these famous words:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out--
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Synagogues, Jewish Community Centers and Jewish institutions are speaking up and taking action. Contact one near you to find a vigil or service or to find comfort.

You can read other quotes from rabbis here.

Share thoughts from your own clergy in the comments below.

Eikev: Insight on Circumcision (From Coffee Shop Rabbi)

8/10/2017

The Circumcision By Vincenzo Catena

Rabbi Ruth Adar in her Coffee Shop Rabbi blog offers some useful insights into the spiritual thinking around circumcision. I want you to see all the Talmudic quotes so I will post only the opening paragraph here and link to the blog itself.

Eikev: Insight on Circumcision

Parashat Eikev offers us a path to deeper understanding of brit milah [ritual circumcision] with its command, “Circumcise the foreskin of your heart and be no more stiff-necked.” (Deut. 10:16) What is the connection between circumcision and a stiff neck? Sukkah 52a offers a clue, saying:
R. Avira (or some say R. Joshua b. Levi) taught that… “Uncircumcised” is one of the names of the yetzer hara.”

Continued here...

Conversions come in all flavors

8/10/2017

A British Jew by Choice sent us this article, The Right Revd Alan Hopes, about an Anglican priest who converted to Catholicism. Our British friend's comment was, "Not such a big leap from Anglican to Catholic but in the UK that's a big deal plus he was already ordained. Sending fyi to note that converts come in all types."

Do you know of a person or persons who converted to something other than Judaism? We're betting you do. Tell us in the comments.

Post Conversion - Responding to Inappropriate Questions

7/25/2017

As I promised when I posted about the inappropriate, and even forbidden, questions and comments that Jews by Choice get, today I am posting about comebacks. Rabbi Ruth Adar of Coffee Shop Rabbi wrote both yesterday's and today's articles.

Again, feel free to comment here below or on Rabbi Adar's site or both.

How have YOU handled unwanted conversations about your conversion? Have you sought out the support of your rabbi? What did he or she say?

Comebacks for Converts
Last week I posted an entry that seemed to hit a nerve: Talking About Converts. I thought it might be good to follow up with a post about ways to deal with nosy questions, etc. What follows is a question or comment (in italics) and some possible responses.
“Are you a convert?”

Yes. So were Abraham, Sarah and King David’s great-grandmother.
Did you know that halakhah forbids that question?
Why do you ask?

“Did you convert to get married?”

Did you?
Why do you ask?

“So, Plonit* tells me that you are a convert!”

Surely you and Plonit* are not gossiping about me!
Why is this your concern?

“You do realize that you’ll never really be Jewish, right?”

Why don’t you ask the rabbi about that?
Why would you say such a hurtful thing to me?
Well, then I guess Abraham and Sarah weren’t really Jewish, either.
Why does my conversion bother you so much? Maybe you should talk to the rabbi.
I didn’t realize you are an expert on halakhah.

“I love hearing conversion stories! Tell me yours!”

No.
That’s private.
I’m too busy being Jewish to think about ancient history!

“I think Plony is a convert. What do you think?”

I think it isn’t my business.
I’d rather talk about something else.
Plony is Jewish. That’s good enough for me.
Why are you asking me?

When all else fails, sports can come to the rescue. Just change the subject as if the subject had never come up:

How about those [insert sports team name here]?

Personally, my favorite replies are “Why do you ask?” or the ever-popular “Oh?” with a puzzled look. Just put the ball in their court.
If you aren’t sure what might be comfortable for you, try different answers out, either with a mirror or better yet with a friend.
I hope that readers will chime in with their own ways of responding to intrusive or hurtful questions and comments. What do you do when someone says something inappropriate?
*Plony and Plonit are the Jewish equivalents of John and Jane Doe.

Post Conversion - Fitting In and Gossip

7/25/2017

Rabbi Ruth Adar of Coffee Shop Rabbi wrote a powerful piece, Talking About Converts, and I have gotten her permission to reprint it here.

Read the article. I also encourage you to check out the comments back at her blog. Share your own thoughts here below or over on her site. Share this post. People need to learn that it is forbidden by Jewish law to gossip and specifically to discuss someone's conversion. Many violate this rule. It can be a sore subject for Jews by choice.

Stay tuned. I will be posting about how a Jew by choice can respond to unwanted questions and comments.

Talking About Converts
I am open about the fact that I was not born Jewish. That is a deliberate choice on my part. I have made the decision to be open about my background because I find it helpful to my work.
I worry that my openness may mislead readers into thinking that it’s OK to talk about converts. You can talk about conversion all you want. You can talk about yourself all you want. But if you talk about someone else’s conversion, you are violating an important tradition.
Jewish tradition is very clear that we are NOT to talk about other people in general. We are especially not supposed to mention the fact that a person is a convert to them or to anyone else. They can talk about their history, if they choose, but we must not mention it without their permission. We should get their permission each time we talk about them to someone else.
We are also commanded not to listen to anyone else who breaks this rule: no listening to gossip about who’s a convert. No speculating, either.
We can’t ask about how a person became Jewish, no matter how curious we are, or how friendly we feel. Our intention doesn’t matter – our behavior does.
Why this tradition? As with many commandments, it’s there because our inclination as human beings is to be curious and gossipy. It is human to notice differences and exclude people on account of them. Torah calls us to do better, and it gives us rules (commandments, mitzvot) that help us be better people that we’d otherwise be.
Beside the obvious, walking up to someone and asking, “Are you a convert?” there are subtler things we should avoid.

Don’t assume that a person with browner skin than yours is a convert to Judaism. They might be a descendant of Maimonides or Solomon.
Don’t assume that the person walking down the hall at synagogue with Asian features is a convert.
Don’t assume that someone with ben Avraham v’Sarah after his Hebrew name is a convert. Guys named Abraham have been known to marry a Sarah and have kids.
Don’t assume that Jim O’Malley is a convert to Judaism. His Hebrew name might be Nachum ben Moshe v’Shirah.
Don’t assume that if someone has a funny accent, they must be a convert.
Don’t assume that if someone is a convert, they did it to “marry in.” Some of us become Jewish because it is our heart’s desire.
Don’t assume that if someone converted in connection with a marriage, that it was insincere. Falling in love with a Jew might have been the first step towards falling in love with Judaism.
Don’t assume that if a woman is a convert, she did it to find a Jewish husband.
Don’t assume that a convert is any more or less observant than you are.
Don’t assume that a convert likes telling their story again and again.

Whether you became Jewish in the waters of your mother’s womb or in the waters of the mikveh it is painful to be separated from the Jewish People, especially if a fellow Jew is doing the separating.
Don’t gossip about someone’s Jewish history; it is hurtful.
What is hateful to you, do not do to any person. This is the whole Torah; the rest is commentary. Go and learn. – Hillel the Elder, Shabbat 31a

Disagreeing for the Sake of Heaven: Thoughts on Shavuot

5/28/2017

Rabbi Larry Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton said:

My colleague Rabbi Avi Schulman shared the following observation with me.

When our ancestors stood at Mt. Sinai and received the commandments, it was the first, and the last time, that we were all in agreement with one another. Sinai represents the moment of total unanimity in the Jewish community. In Exodus 24:7, we read: "Then [Moses] took the record of the covenant and read it aloud to the people. And they said, 'All that the Eternal has spoken we will faithfully do!' (Na'aseh v'nishmah)."

Ever since Sinai, though, Jews have not seen eye-to-eye. What guidelines can we derive from our tradition about disagreeing with one another?

This will be the topic for this year's Tikkun Leyl Shavuot, the evening of study we conduct annually together with Temple Beth Torah.

Our Tikkun will take place here at CBE on Tuesday, May 30, immediately following Shavuot evening services, which include Confirmation. The service begins at 7:30 p.m. Following a delicious Oneg Shavuot, we will begin our study session shortly after 9:00 p.m.

Rabbi Schulman and I will address two topics: the Biblical commandment of Tochacha, literally "reproof," and the Talmudic principle of Makhlochet L'shem Shamayim, "disagreement for the sake of heaven."

How do we talk to one another when we disagree? How do we share constructive feedback, when we believe that the other is wrong?

These are the hard conversations. To imagine that Jews can exist without such disagreement would be a fantasy. Yet, the value of Ahavat Yisrael, love of fellow Jews, compels us to find ways to talk without breaking the bonds that unite us.

Genesis Rabbah teaches: "Love without Tochacha is not love, and peace without Tochacha is not peace."

Hard conversations are necessary, and avoidance is not a virtue. At this year's Tikkun, we will explore the parameters of constructive communication, as understood in Jewish tradition.

Everyone is welcome to join Rabbis Milder and Schulman for services and study on May 30. If you have questions call one of the synagogues.
Beth Emek, Pleasanton, 925-931-1055
Beth Torah, Fremont, 510-656-7141

Shavuot and the story of Ruth

5/26/2017

Image from Wikipedia

We are approaching Shavuot, the holiday when we traditionally read the Book of Ruth. Ruth is the Torah’s most famous Jew by Choice. Rabbi Rebecca Gutterman wrote this beautiful message to her congregation about the moving story.

Dear Friends,

A number of years ago (at this time and season, as we Jews like to say), I was teaching the Book of Ruth to a group of teenagers. While there are stories that take their time in building the narrative and revealing the major plot points, this story is not one of them. Within the first 14 verses, the character of Naomi loses both her husband and her two sons, and her surviving daughters-in-law face the choice of remaining with Naomi or going back to their native land. With such life altering events presented one after the other, I asked my students what they thought this story was really about.

A rare moment of silence followed. And then someone ventured an answer. "Death," he said.

"Yes, and... what else?" I asked.

A longer moment of silence, and then someone else said: "Birth."

Both of them were absolutely right. The Book of Ruth, which is read each year at Shavuot and which speaks to the power of community and loving relationships, actually begins from a place of great loss. Devastated by the death of her family, Naomi pleads with daughters-in-law Ruth and Orpah to leave her, believing she can no longer be a source of sustenance to them. Standing at this literal and figurative crossroads, Orpah makes the difficult decision to heed Naomi, while Ruth cannot. In her refusal, there is rebirth, for in affirming their bond, each promises the other a future. Equally beautiful is that this text expresses no contempt for the direction Orpah chose. Or as another of student put it, "I think she just wanted to go home."

Don't we all.

And the roads we negotiate as we get there, the experiences we encounter and integrate on the way, carry both pain and joy. Whether returning to what is familiar like Naomi and Orpah, or folding one's life into the unknown like Ruth, new revelations await us all. That's what Shavuot celebrates. It is a harvest festival in every sense - for our forebears, and for us - then and now.

On Tuesday night May 30 beginning at 6:00pm, please join us for an Erev Shavuot celebration that will be the first of its kind in our congregation. We are blessed to have acquired a new Sefer Torah of our own, and will be celebrating the filling in of the final letters followed by bringing the completed scroll into the ark. This is a sacred milestone with a part for each of us to play. We look forward to welcoming you here as we welcome our new Torah home.

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi Gutterman
B'nai Tikvah, Walnut Creek

A Visit to Afikomen Judaica

4/9/2017

We invited friends around the San Francisco Bay Area to join us for a field trip to Afikomen Judaica. Afikomen is one of the few places still in existence that offers Judaica for sale. And that's its only purpose. (Send us a message here if you'd like to be invited to the next visit.)

We were only a few days from Passover, and so we all brought lists of things we may buy. As soon as we entered the shop, we were greeted by a visual display of color, as the purples, reds and blues of the talliot, kippot and other Jewish items delighted our senses.

We all immediately split up to go to various areas of interest within the shop. I had marching orders to obtain some matzoh, and, sure enough, Afikomen had a nice display of matzoh. They even had (shmurah matzah) the round, hand-made kind from Israel! After picking up several boxes, I looked around for a menorah, a hanukkiah, and found one on sale. Others looked for books on Pesach, or tallitot or other items. We even had to text photos of the kippot to a friend so he could see what colors they were!

After our hour-long visit, we all met up outside, compared our purchases, and walked or drove to a nearby restaurant on College. At lunch, we agreed that we had to do this again soon!

Above is a gorgeous Seder plate, part of the Passover display. To the left is a selection of menorahs.

Probably my favorite sign in the store is below, written by Chaim, the delightful owner.

A Rabbi Discusses the Conversion Process

2/14/2017

When a person is considering conversion to Judaism they usually want to answers to a set of questions. We asked these questions of Rabbi Corey Helfand of Peninsula Sinai of Foster CIty and we share his answers below.

Could you tell me what your general process is?
The process is on average 1 to 2 years, although to be fair, it is all dependent on the individual person. Some take longer, some less time. I try to customize it based on each person’s needs and goals.

Does it generally take a year for a person to learn all they need to convert?
The reason for one year at minimum is that I like for all of my students to see/experience/live a full holiday-cycle in the Jewish tradition. The second year focuses more on Jewish thought/philosophy, theology, the Holocaust/Zionism, and lifecycles. Learning and living Judaism is a life-long journey and through that lens, conversion is about beginning the journey. While it’s absolutely possible to learn the basics in the first year, including writing your spiritual autobiography and personal theology, it’s also important that we create a process that works for you. The first year will get you going on your journey, and hopefully inspire you to keep on learning.

Do your students take a basic Judaism class? If yes, with you or elsewhere?
All students are encouraged to take an intro to Judaism class, either with me or somewhere else locally. If one isn’t being offered, then I work with the student one on one.

In your one-on-one study how frequently do you meet with a student?
One-on-ones are either weekly or every other week depending on scheduling. I am also available to meet by phone and over Skype/FaceTime/Google Hangout etc.

Are there particular books you have your students read?
I ask everyone to start by reading Rabbi Wayne Dosick’s, Living Judaism as well as Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove’s, Jewish Theology in our Time. Students are also asked to read the weekly Torah portion. As time progresses, I have them read a book in each of the following categories: Jewish history, philosophy, Israel, and spirituality. Some book are a great fit and others are not. As our relationship develops, I’ll help you find additional reading material that will speak to where you are on your journey.

Where do you take your students for immersion and beit din?
I do batei din at the mikvaot in San Francisco, Oakland and Los Gatos. Just depends on scheduling and logistics.

When someone contacts you and says they want to convert do you turn them away 3 times?
Absolutely not. I follow Hillel and welcome them in. The rest is commentary and then we start learning.

Will I Ever Fit In?

1/10/2017

One of the questions that comes up frequently is, “Will I ever really fit in and feel totally Jewish?” This is a two way question. First, will the Jew by choice come to a point of feeling competent and comfortable with being Jewish? Will they “forget” not being Jewish and just BE?

Second, will the community accept converts as Jews?

To the first question the answer is a resounding YES. If you simply live a Jewish life, doing Jewish on a daily basis it will become who you are. There’s a good chance that it will take a few years. But it takes years to absorb a new language, get to know a new friend, learn a new skill. So don’t be discouraged, enjoy the process.

The second question is more difficult. Some born Jews will never accept the idea that a person can convert/become Jewish. For those who have less of a Jewish education and Jewish life, being a born Jew may be all the claim they have to being Jewish. They may not want others to “get to be Jewish” because it feels threatening to their own identity. Other Jews have much knowledge of rabbinic teaching and don’t accept that Judaism had accepted conversion since its inception.

Therefore, it may be hard in some Jewish environments to be affirmed as a Jew when you are a convert. If you find this to be the case – you are in the wrong place. That is not the synagogue or organization for you. Your sponsoring rabbi should be able to put you in touch with a community that is welcoming of converts.

In a class I attended an Orthodox rabbi was asked, “Are there any converts who are members of your synagogue?” He replied, “Yes! Any synagogue that does not have converts is not a real one because it would not include our ancestors Abraham and Sarah who were converts to Judaism.”