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A Celebration

5/12/2011

Yesterday was my conversion anniversary date so I emailed my rabbi:

Good afternoon, Rabbi J

I hope you and your family are all well and happy.

It was exactly a year ago today that we visited the Mikveh and met with the Beit Din to begin this phase of my life as a Jew. I didn't want the anniversary to go by without my saying "hello," and telling you how rewarding and fulfilling this year has been.

I have frequently been struck over the course of the year by how much there is to learn -- particularly the kinds of things that "born Jews" learn more-or-less through cultural assimilation as they grow up. I have also been struck this year by how much I do know -- not infrequently as much or more than my Jewish friends and acquaintances. I do not think it is an exaggeration to say that in some way or other I make time every day to explore Judaism in some way. I continually keep a book on one Jewish topic or other close at hand, and I regularly explore various Jewish ideas and concerns through discussions with friends and colleagues (or the ever-helpful internet). I guess my point is that I have ultimately realized that the key to "success" for me is to focus on the process and not the end result. When can one ever learn "enough" about anything, particularly a subject as rich and vast as Judaism?

Although I do not personally really believe in reincarnation, it is clear to me that there are connections, motivations and resonances below the surface that we are only vaguely aware of, if at all. Something about Judaism has spoken to me for as long as I can remember. To the extent that such a thing is possible, becoming Jewish was as much like coming home as I could ever have wished.

Moving forward, I will continue to find as many ways to connect with Judaism as possible, all the while remembering to focus on the beauty of the process. Now that my personal life and career seem to have reached a lovely point of relative peace, there is no doubt that I could do more, be more helpful, and commit my time and resources more fully, and that is my ever-present goal. Maybe one of these days I'll even make it to shul for an Erev Shabbat. We can all dream, can't we? :-)

Best regards.

AT

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Christmas with Christian Family

12/24/2010

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My daughter (a toddler) and I are "home"—on the east coast with my family right now. My family celebrates Christmas, and here we are staying at my brother's house-- full on Christmas. You name it- the tree, the nativity scene, the stockings, the cookies, all the holiday cheer. I wish that this part of the family (my family) celebrated Hanukkah, but they don't. And that's o.k. In MY home, we celebrate Hanukkah-- and we do it up big. And it's fun! My daughter is a little surprised by all the Christmas going on here, and she is definitely interested in it. And that's o.k. with me, because we are in their home. In our home we do it differently. And that's good too!
I figure that if we don't join in the big celebrations of my family, how can we expect them to join us in celebrating her Bat Mitzvah years from now? We know we are Jewish and have other wonderful holidays to celebrate (a sukkah at sukkot, lights and dreidel at Hanukkah, getting together with friends at Passover, etc. not to mention Shabbat every week!). My child loves our family celebrations in our Jewish home. She isn't going to love them any less because she sees how other people celebrate different holidays.
It's all good!
MC, Reform, Female

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Christmas as a Jew

12/24/2010

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When it comes to Christmas, I find it a relief not to have to deal with the tree, the ornaments, all the decorating, anticipation about gifts, etc. Candles are a hassle-free alternative to the literal mess that accompanies the holiday. I'm reminded of these things when I visit my family members during the holidays - all this hassle, all this build-up and then, BAM, it's over. The only thing about the holidays that I miss are the traditional foods that I grew up with, but it's really not difficult at all to incorporate that into my Chanuka celebration. I spend Christmas with my family and exchange gifts, but I truly feel that this is THEIR celebration and not mine. I'm not pro-Christmas, but I'm not anti-Christmas either - just like I'm not pro- or anti-Chinese New Year, Eid al-Adha or any other celebration by an ethnic/religious group. Other people have their customs and that's great, but I have my customs and I choose to embrace them.

When I was a child and Christian, I loved Christmas, but now that I'm an adult and Jewish, those memories feel like they come from a different lifetime and were experienced by somebody else. I find that engrossing myself in Judaism by celebrating the holidays as best I can and making Tefilla, Teshuva and Tora study something I engage in every day doesn't leave me with much of a hole that needs to be filled when it comes to the holidays. Truth be told, I identify so strongly as a Jew that I sometimes forget that I'm a convert and led a completely different life up until just a couple years ago!

DL, Conservative, male

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Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by KM

10/12/2010

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I went to the mikvah on Sacramento Street in San Francisco, which is wonderful.

It was important to me to look like I took some time and had some consciousness about my appearance and the seriousness of the moment. I was going before my Beit Din just prior to immersion, and I was meeting friends later to celebrate for lunch—it was a really big day in my life, after all!

On the other hand, I realized that I would have to get in and out of these clothes, and would be a bit rushed and probably damp getting back into them after immersion. Ultimately, I realized I was NOT dressing to meet my maker, since the whole wonderful point of the mikvah is to meet my maker as I had been dressed for birth. That waylaid any concerns about needing to dress in a suit and tie with shiny black tie-up shoes. I suppose I ultimately dressed in what I would call “business casual” for lack of a better description. For me, that meant nice cotton khaki slacks, an oxford shirt (they dry quickly), a nice sports coat and loafers.

My actual experience in the mikvah was fantastic, and my Rabbi and the others on the Beit Din made it meaningful. I was allowed to invite very close family (three people) to the mikvah, and though they waited outside the tub area itself, they sang some niggunim and songs from the outer rooms with doors open so that I could hear them. It was a very powerful and beautiful experience to float in the water with the voices of my family and the Rabbis in the background. After the formal part of the process, I was told to spend some time in silence by myself reflecting on the moment. It was also very important to me to have had that moment of silence.

Also, I was treated to a very enthusiastic version of “Siman Tov and Mazel Tov” when I came out of the dressing room!

The Rabbi that convened my Beit Din was a woman, so she made sure that I had a man on the Beit Din to help me in the mikvah room itself. He had been the officiant for my Hatafat Dam Brit a few weeks earlier, but I knew him only slightly. At the mikvah, after the Beit Din approved me for conversion, he very thoroughly explained exactly what he was going to do, how he wanted me to cover my head for the prayers between dunks, and then gave me all the prompting I needed when I needed it. I was very glad that he did that, and it would have been great if he had done it a few days before. I was a bit nervous in the moment, and having at least heard what the actual ceremony would be like ahead of time would have helped as I could have prepared. I was a bit at a loss when every word of Hebrew suddenly seemed to have left my head.

The tachlichs thing that would have made a difference to me was if there had been a bit more coordination between my Rabbi and the mikvah manager, specifically around money. I would have been happy to come with a check in an envelope. As it was, it was odd to end my visit to the mikvah fumbling in the car to find my checkbook (which I fortunately had with me), then running back to write a check. It was a bit of a “clunk” in a wonderful day.

KM, male Renewal convert

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Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by CC

10/5/2010

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This is a topic dear to me!

My mikvah/beit din/Torah-giving event was at Beth Jacob. I'd never seen a mikvah before, and nor had the 6 or so guests I had there. Before the beit din started, Rabbi took us all on a mini field trip to look at the mikvah, and he made some comment about "so everyone doesn't wonder what it is.” He volunteered to do this; we didn't ask. Since the mikvah there is completely unremarkable, like a rather dingy therapy pool in an old people's home, no one actually said anything other than "oh, huh..."

I was somewhat self-conscious as I walked from the beit din chapel past the guests, who were all sitting in the main sanctuary, because I knew that they knew I was going to get undressed and "take a bath.” At the mikvah waiting room it was me and my wife and the three rabbis. Rabbi explained the process and then I went in to the private area to shower and get into the mikvah, while outside my wife and the rabbis were chatting. It all seemed very anti-climactic and "ordinary" and I was aware that my weeks of anxiety about it were completely pointless. Then, once I was in the water, which was surprisingly warm, Rabbi came into the private area and the door was open enough for the two women rabbis to hear my responses.

Rabbi spoke, I repeated, I immersed. We did that three times. On the rising up on the third time I had a sudden and immense rush of emotion -- "I did it!" The year of studying, the daily wonderings and feelings of not quite being there, suddenly they were all over -- I was now a Jew. I was utterly thrilled. Rabbi left, I got dressed and walked into the waiting room expecting my wife and the rabbis to be discussing me and my conversion, but it turned out they were talking about exercise and how one rabbi has a treadmill. I said, "I thought you were talking about me," and one rabbi said, jokingly, "it's not all about you.” And I said, "Yes, it is!"

Then we did the Torah-giving service, and a few of us went to the Contemporary Jewish Museum in SF to have lunch and look around, as a celebration of the conversion. My wife and I took the whole day off. We both dressed up, me in a suit and tie. I considered it a formal and very important occasion, no jeans and a T-shirt.

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Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by AT

10/1/2010

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(Image: the San Francisco Mikvah)

Before my conversion last spring, I had never seen a mikvah. Indeed there are only three mikvaot in the entire state of Oregon, so it wasn't terribly practical to do a dry run (so to speak). Of the choices available to me, I chose a really neat family-owned mikvah in Eugene that was built in a special outdoor room (kind of a like a spa). It was a very neat, mildly hippy kind of place, which was perfect for me and my personality. The more traditional mikvah in Portland was also an option, but choosing the somewhat more organic path really worked out for me. My rabbi also offered guidance about which mikvah experience would likely resonate for me based upon my personality and attitude as he had come to know me over the past couple of years.

I remember thinking at great length how I was going to dress for the mikvah and beit din (which were on the same day for me). I ultimately decided to wear a jacket and tie. For me, it came down to a recognition of the importance of the event in my life (and on my psyche). I would likely wear a jacket and tie to a wedding or a bar mitzvah, so it seemed fitting to dress for the occasion. My rabbi even said I was going to be the only one of the group who was dressed up (Oregon is a very casual place overall). No matter -- it made me feel special about the specialness of the day.

The mikvah experience for me was daunting heading in -- I'm a really private person in almost every way, so the thought of becoming 100% naked in front of strangers for such an intensely emotional experience was really overwhelming. That said, not surprisingly, it was handled with complete respect and dignity and I never felt embarrassed or self-conscious. I think maybe I was so focused on thinking about how unique the event was in my life that I lost sight of the fact that the three rabbis had been through any number of conversions before mine. I'm not suggesting it wasn't important or special in some way for them, too, as I feel certain they were thrilled to welcome me into the family. Rather, I would suggest that although every conversion and mikvah is unique to its participants, in the bigger picture it's an age-old ritual of initiation. When I finally got to that point, I was able to let go of my own self-consciousness and step back a bit to see my conversion from a broader perspective. For me, that actually made the whole thing comforting in some indefinable way. I was doing something that Jews had done before me for centuries, so I was able to let go of the anxiety and fear to a large extent and embrace the tradition.

As for what I wish I'd have known before I got there -- the mikvah was surprisingly deep to me. I don't swim, and although I'm not really afraid of the water per se, I do have a healthy respect for it. It actually wasn't until just after I had undressed and was preparing to get into the water that the rabbi and I talked a little about what makes a mikvah dunk kosher. Essentially, it means every single aspect of your body immersed and not touching the sides or floor of the mikvah. I wasn't really prepared for the extent to which I would need to be afloat in order for my mikvah to be ritually acceptable. My congregation is Reconstructionist, so I don't think there is perhaps quite the focus on those details, but afterward rabbi did tell me that my dunking had been completely kosher. I had read enough to know that I was supposed to be completely submersed, but actually striving to make that happen took a bit more body-awareness and concentration than I think I anticipated.

So, there's my two-shekels' worth. The only other comment I might add is something my rabbi said to me on the way back home. His remark was that the conversion is indeed an important and significant ritual, but feeling Jewish is a process. It wasn't as if I got home and immediately knew that I was a Jew through and through. That was an important caveat and has been completely true. The more involved I have become with my congregation, the more Shabbats I participate in, the more committees I join and classes I take, the more Jewish I feel and become. The mikvah is a step on the path, but it really is a life-long adventure.

AT, Male Reconstructionist convert

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Forward>>

A Celebration

Christmas with Christian Family

Christmas as a Jew

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by KM

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by CC

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by AT

Thoughts from our Email List

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