Category: Conversion Process

How Do You Know You Are Ready to Convert?

2/19/2020

I read an article titled, How Do I Know If I’m Ready To Convert?
It was not written by someone who had them selves converted. Rather it argued that Seekers should not wait until they feel “perfect”. But the article offered lots of Talmudic quotes to support their idea. That’s fine, but fails to address the question of how does the Seeker know when they are ready? So I asked local Jews by choice to answer:

How Did YOU know you were ready to convert?
What knowledge, emotions, experiences made you think, I’m ready to be a Jew, please describe them.

Here are some answers:

Interesting... that was one of the questions from my conversion beit din. For my personal experience, there was never an "ah-ha" moment. At some point, whenever I hear comment / joke with an anti-semite undertone, I felt insulted because it was directed at ME. I took it personally! This actually went on for quite some time. When I found out I was excluded from the initial call of shomer when my friend Ruth died because I hadn't "officially" converted yet.

I said to my sponsoring rabbi, "Rabbi, what are we waiting for?"
He answered, "For you to say something."
"Well, let's do it." I said

As you see, it wasn't a clear-cut decision-making process. It was just a very calm and natural response to the lifecycle event at the moment... and that's why I ended up with Rut as part of my middle Hebrew name, to commemorate Ruth with the permission & support from her family.
Binah Rut

Interesting point. My conversion class included someone who had been studying and thinking about it for YEARS, like 25 years. He still didn't feel ready. I, on the other hand, felt ready from the moment I found out that conversion was actually possible, which I didn't know was a possibility till way after that inner light bulb went on in my head flashing the message "I wish I was a Jew". Imagine my happiness when I discovered conversion existed.

So my ready-time was never based on factual knowledge of Jewish stuff, of which I had not much. I wanted it to happen before I had ever set foot inside a synagogue; I had very little frame of reference, but then inner voices march to a different beat.

Following my classes I studied privately with a rabbi for around 6 months, and in a practical sense it was he who actually set the conversion date, saying "I want you to go before the beit din in time for you to celebrate High Holy Days as a Jew". Obviously he felt I was ready, otherwise he wouldn't have said that. My conversion was a couple of weeks before Rosh HaShanah.
Eli

I think people who were born Jewish forget that, for a non-Jew, it’s not as simple as just deciding to take the plunge. A non-Jew contemplating conversation does not do so lightly or flippantly. A conversion, at least for me, was a deliberate and symbolic leaving behind and turning away from everything (culture, religion, beliefs, traditions and sometimes even family) you identified with up to that point and embracing a new identity and way of life. Conversion can be extremely difficult and even painful - NOT an easy decision emotionally and psychologically. The internal struggle and final decision a convert makes is NOT about “feeling” perfect. Someone who makes that assertion is not only naïve but also devalues a convert’s experience and struggle.

My husband who is an Ashkenazi Jew, was oblivious to the difficulty I went thru contemplating my decision. He was impatient and tried to pressure me into converting sooner. Even saying he would ask someone else to take our infant daughter thru the Mikvah to make her ‘official’ because I was taking so long. I held my ground but not without resentment and hurt feelings. My daughter and I went to the Mikvah together – an experience I will always cherish.

Choosing conversation should NOT be made in haste – it’s a life decision that should be made deliberately, earnestly and sincerely. We converts might take a long time to make the decision, but when the decision is made, we make a life commitment.

What made me decide to make the decision? Having my daughter. I was already living a Jewish Life. We were members of a temple, I was VP of our Sisterhood, I sang in the choir and worked for a JCC. But my husband and I made the choice to raise our daughter Jewish. I felt I could not do that – teach her how to be Jewish - when I myself was not. I needed to be true to her and myself.
Margalit

My formal commitment to being Jewish, almost 3 years ago, was a very freeing decision.
Although I have been on the path for 61 years, this lifetime, the final "Hineni" came when I met Rabbi Nina. She teaches Judaism 101 at the local college here in Prescott, Az.
It was the ah-ha moment that questioning is what Judaism is all about! "Both/And".
I told my spouse, who had a Buddhist sensibility about Rabbi and how I thought she would really connect with her. Rabbi Nina called herself a "Jew Bu", having come back to her Jewish roots through eastern philosophy.
My spouse asked to meet about converting! I was thrilled, and the rest is history...
It is now a moment to moment breath.
Haddasah Raquia

I had thought about it on and off for years - as I had many Jewish friends who always included me - but I never thought I needed to convert. It wasn’t until I had kids, who were born Jews through my wife, that I began to change my mind. I suddenly realized I was the only gentile in our home and the the ramifications of the Nuremberg Laws weighed heavily on me.

I love my family, I loved our friends and I loved our Jewish community. This was my tribe, these were my people. And one day I just realized - I was already a Jew - and from that point on it was just a matter of officially confirming it. I cast my lot.

Since becoming Jewish, I feel more whole if that makes sense. It was this missing piece in my life. Looking back, I suspect I’ve always been Jewish; but being born an Irish catholic, I had to find my way back.
Yehudah

I realized I was ready to BE Jewish when I found myself complaining using Hebrew and ladino terms and thinking that my Christian friends had really strange ways of doing things, how couldn’t they see that the Jewish answer was so logical and sensible?

I’d been studying for almost two years at that point, I just went to our monthly meeting and agreed it was pointless to keep waiting any longer, I just said, “I feel it’s time” and just scheduled a date for the bet din
Adir

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The Value of Learning Hebrew

10/15/2019

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Do you HAVE to become fluent in Hebrew to convert? No. But you do have to learn SOME Hebrew. Why you must learn some of the language seems obvious to some, but here is a beautiful statement by Rabbi Larry Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton that expanses our understanding.

Unlock the Treasures
“Reading a poem in translation is like kissing a woman through a veil.”
So said the great Hebrew writer Hayim Nahman Bialik.

We are captives of our language. That is particularly true of our understanding of Judaism. We think we know what our texts mean, but, when read in English, we are only appreciating them through the filter of our language.

Language contains within it a world view. Yes, we can pray in English. Yes, we can study Torah in English. But we are missing the associations, the resonance of the text itself.

Puns: “Your name is to be Abraham, for I am making you the father of a multitude of nations” doesn’t make any sense in English, but in Hebrew, “Abraham” sounds like “father of many nations.”

Words built on common roots: Kiddush (the blessing over wine for Shabbat), Kaddish (the prayer recited by mourners) and Kiddushin (the wedding ceremony) are all related concepts (that which is set aside), something that cannot be recognized by calling them by their English names.

Acrostics: Ashrei, based on Psalm 145, is a poem in our prayer book that works as an acrostic, but entirely loses that device the moment it is translated.

This hardly scratches the surface of what is missing, or, for that matter, what is entirely misunderstood in translation.

As the expression goes: A translator is a traitor. (Actually, it goes “traduttore traditore.”)

The key to unlocking the treasures of Judaism is Hebrew. And learning Hebrew is easily within your reach, particularly the basic vocabulary that can make prayer understandable.

It’s not just meaning: knowing some Hebrew can enable you to see the beauty in the language of prayer.

Whether you are a beginner, or someone who needs a refresher, we offer a class for adults to learn Hebrew, starting with Alef-Bet, learning to read the Hebrew alphabet. It’s simple, fun, and instantly rewarding.

Beth Emek's Hebrew classes are listed here. Just about every synagogue offers Hebrew. Check the website of the synagogues around you.

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How did you choose your Hebrew name?

1/23/2019

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(A necklace of the name, Elisheva from the website www.israelblessing.com Take a look. They are quite beautiful.)

The Jewish online magazine Kveller offered an article titled, Call Me By My (Hebrew) Name. We sent the article to the list and asked about people's reactions.

Nadav replied this way in regard to choosing his own name.

Recently I have been going by my Hebrew name from school to work and when meeting others.
The reason I picked out the name Nadav is that I wanted a name that was strongly contemporary in the Jewish world (in Israel it is somewhat modern) but yet it is a Hebrew name and defines my Judaism. I wanted to choose something "different" or not too common. I did not want to go by Moshe, Menachem, or Ya'akov. I considered those names since I thought they were "very Jewish". There is this artist in Israel that represented Israel in the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest and his name is Nadav and I liked it so that is how I chose my Hebrew name. I have thought of changing it to my legal name but haven’t yet.
I have been told modern Hebrew speakers that my name means “generous” and I think it fits me pretty well.

Note: Yes, Nadav does indeed mean “generous” or “noble” and is the name of the priest Aaron’s eldest son.

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Converting babies and children to Judaism

3/16/2018

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Reasons for converting a baby or child
* When a parent converts to Judaism they may decide to convert the children they already have.
* If a Jewish or interfaith couple adopt a baby, they may want to convert the little one.
* When a non-Jewish woman has a child and wants to raise the child Jewish with her Jewish partner, she may want to the child to be officially converted.

The reason for converting a child in one of these situations is to ensure that a larger percent of the Jewish world will view the child as authentically Jewish.

How it works
EVERY conversion/convert holds the status of the rabbi(s) who performed the conversion. So an Orthodox conversion is accepted by all streams of Judaism. A Conservative conversion is accepted by Conservative and the Reform/Reconstructionist /Renewal movements. Conversions by a Reform, Reconstructionist or Renewal rabbi will be accepted by that same group of rabbis.

Additionally, every rabbi will have their own requirements for how the child will be raised by the parents in order for the rabbi to be willing to perform the conversion. So it is vital that you contact the rabbi to learn what will be required! In interviewing rabbis about their requirements I found that all of them, including the Orthodox, had their own, nuanced requirements.

Requirements can be things like this:
Family must be members of a synagogue
Observing Shabbat and the Jewish holidays
Enrolling the child in Hebrew school, or perhaps a Jewish day school
Keeping a kosher kitchen

Some aspects of a child's conversion are the same as an adult. Male children will have to be circumcised. If they are already circumcised, a traditional rabbi will require that they have hatafat dam - a ritual drawing of a few drops of blood from the penis. Both male and female children are taken to be immersed in the mikvah. One of the parents, dressed in a bathing suit, takes the child into the mikvah and dips them under the instructions of the rabbi. Many rabbis have little suggestions or tricks for helping to get a baby to close their eyes and hold their breath. (I've been told that blowing on a baby's face causes them to do so.)

But it is also up to the child
The ancient rabbis had a very thoughtful debate about a child who is converted by their parents or guardian. They believed that the child had a say in their identity. Thus, at the age of Jewish adulthood, typically 12 for a girl and 13 for a boy, the child is asked whether they want to be Jewish. They are free to say, no, and decline to be a Jew. Or they can affirm the decision that was made "for them" and live as a Jew.

This idea of individual autonomy runs against many other religions and can be difficult for non-Jews, or Jews lacking education in this area, to understand. Personally, I believe it is one of the most beautiful things about Judaism.

This article from My Jewish Learning about converting a baby or child is quite good.

Have you had your child converted? Please share your experience and recommendations in the comments below.

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I want to start Practicing Judaism NOW!

3/5/2018

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I received this inquiry about conversion:
During the conversion process, how observant can or should one be? What kind of mitzvot can someone do? I can only find Orthodox information and that’s not very helpful in my case. My rabbi is advising me not to wear tallit or hang a mezuzah until after I finish, but why? What are the guidelines for other things? Can I kasher all of my dishes? Can I cover my head when I pray or study? (I have found it helpful to do so before.) Can I say blessings? I’m only a month into the process, but I know a lot and I’m feeling ready to take on some mitzvot.
— Ready to Go

Here's my answer. (Share your thoughts in the comments below.)

Dear Ready: Part of becoming a Jew is becoming a member of a community with communal rules. Within every synagogue is a micro-Jewish community that lives by the rules of that group of people and their rabbi and their understanding of Jewish law.
If you have found a rabbi with whom you are comfortable, then trust him/her. Your rabbi is thinking about how you will fit into the community. If you wear a tallit or hang a mezuzah you are signaling other Jews that you are already Jewish. That can be seen as deceptive.
At one month into your study you are gaining a number of facts about Jewish life, i.e., the trappings of Judaism, clothing and home accoutrements, but you do not yet know the mentality of Jewish life, which includes theology, history and culture. Being a Jew is often referred to as being “a member of the tribe.” That is, you are becoming a part of a whole, dedicating yourself to a greater good a bigger family.
You ask about kashering your dishes and also say that you can only find Orthodox information and it is not helpful in your case. I am guessing from that that you are not studying for an Orthodox conversion.
The point of having kosher dishes is to permit traditionally observant Jews to eat in your home. Right now you are eating there just fine, and as a not-yet-Jewish person you do not require kosher dishes. A traditional Jew would not eat in your home now because there is no assurance that you know what you are doing in terms of food buying, handling and preparation.
Either you plan to observe kashrut, in which case you still have a lot to learn before you will be able to maintain your dishes’ kosher status, or you just want to have kosher dishes. If you just want kosher dishes, why? Is it to make you feel more Jewish?
You are at the very beginning of your journey. Slow down and let this precious study time sink in. Right now you are meeting with your rabbi regularly, learning something new each week. Once you become a Jew, it will last for the rest of your life. Embrace this liminal time.
Can you cover your head to pray? Many faiths have this practice. I see no reason you could not do that, but ask your rabbi. It may be that your shul expects men to cover their heads; others expect both men and women to do so.
Can you say blessings? I am guessing that your rabbi is teaching you blessings. You have to say them to learn and practice. If you are asking whether you can say blessings on behalf of the community as the shaliach tzibur (messenger of the community), the answer is usually no. Only a Jew can do that. (This may differ in nontraditional Jewish environments.) But one month of studying has not prepared you for such a responsibility.
In the Mishnah, the rabbis list and discuss the mitzvot. They mention honoring parents, visiting the sick, welcoming guests, comforting mourners and observing Shabbat and the holidays, among many others. There are so many mitzvot you can do that are simply a part of living a decent life.
Judaism focuses on our daily lives; focus on yours. Be cognizant of what you are doing and why. Do you call your mother to see how she is doing? Do you send a note to someone who has lost a loved one? Do you attend services? Do you got to Torah study or find a place to study with others?
The actions you are raising are primarily ones that happen “outside” of yourself — what you wear, what is on your house, the status of your dishes.
Turn your thinking inside. Are you careful to make your actions in keeping with Jewish tradition? Don’t lie, but don’t needlessly blurt out a hurtful truth. Avoid gossip. Look for ways to help those less fortunate than yourself. Do these things mindfully. It will be rewarding and begin connecting you to your Jewish practice and emerging identity.

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Conversions come in all Flavors

1/11/2018

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We tend to think exclusively about people who convert to Judaism. But there are people converting to other religions every day. A Jew by choice send me this sweet note about her own mother.

My mother became Catholic at age 70. She's now 82. I think she feels a tremendous sense & depth of love for God and closeness to her community. She was raised Baptist, but I think Catholicism really resonated with her when she was exposed to it by enrolling me in a Catholic elementary school. I think the theology of the religion and the manner in which it is expressed felt intuitively right to her. Although it took her almost 40 years to find a path, she found the one that was right for her. Ironically, I think I felt inspired and empowered to become Jewish because of her actions and modeling of courage in affirming her faith.

Is there someone whose actions encouraged you to pursue conversion? Tell us about it in the comments.

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Getting Help with Conversion Around the World

12/7/2017

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We frequently receive requests for assistance with conversion from countries around the world. We simply don't provide that. There is an organization called Kulanu that offers help in a number of countries. You can take a look at their map of the communities in which they work to see if they can help you. They list these communities.

Abayudaya
Anousim, Crypto-Judaism
Brazil
Cameroon
Columbia
Cote d’Ivoire
Ecuador
Ethiopia
Ghana
Gabon
India
Italy
Ivory Coast
Kenya
Lemba
Madagascar
Nicaragua
Nigera
Peru
Poland
Papua Indonesia
Suriname
Tutsi
Uganda (Abayudaya)
Zimbabwe (Lemba)

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Why I chose my Hebrew Name

10/5/2017

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We asked people on our email list about how they chose their Hebrew name. Here's a powerful and thoughtful reply.

My Hebrew name is Orev ben Avraham Avinu v' Sarah Imanu.
“Why Orev (עורב)”? I've been asked.

Those well-versed in Tanakh might worry that I've chosen Orev in some misguided tribute to one of the two Midianite chieftains killed in Shoftim 7:25. But, no, the ill-fated Midianite is not my namesake. Because Orev means 'raven,' some friends of mine have assumed that my choice stems from my fondness for natural history and especially for reviled and
misunderstood species. I am fascinated and excited by ravens, but that
partiality isn't my principal motivation, either. Instead, I chose Orev because
of the raven's mysterious role in the story of Noah.
"And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of
the ark which he had made. He sent out the raven, and it kept going and
returning until the drying of the waters from upon the earth. And he sent out the
dove from him to see whether the water had subsided from the face of the
ground." (Bereshit 8:6-8).

Where did the raven go?
Contemporary biblical critics contend that the raven's disappearance is another example of the biblical narrative's many sources. According to these scholars, when the stories of Torah were first edited and assembled, scribes often included details from differing accounts (rather than choosing between them). By this reckoning, one of the ancient riffs on the flood story had it that a raven was released while another, slightly different version of the tale assigned the recon flight to a dove. The two versions were simply spliced together so that Noah released the raven and then the dove. The literary, analytical, and rational inclinations of this particular Torah reader make me appreciative of such striking examples of narrative juxtaposition and myth-making. But while I appreciate our sacred text through a decidedly non-supernatural lens, I also invest Torah with much social and mystical power. These two, very different approaches to Torah — one universalist and secular, the other specific and traditional — place me in a grey zone of contemporary Jewish identity, but I consider this balancing act (this push-pull or hybrid position) to be the very essence of the Conservative movement’s philosophy, and it’s a primary reason I’ve chosen to convert in the stream’s mikveh.

But what does this have to do with my name? Back to Noah’s raven; what became of it? There are a number of traditional drashs that explain the raven's disappearance, but I view the stray bird as an analog of my Jewish neshamah. This orev "flew the coop," so to speak, but has at last come back to the ark (through covenant).

I find a satisfying etymological riff on this interpretation in the Hebrew name itself, עורב .Ayin means "eye," Vav means "and," Resh means "beginning" or "head," and Beit means "house" or "home." Orev, therefore, can be read as "eye and head home," an oblique reference to the raven's "seeing" his way home. Likewise, my neshamah has turned anew (or returned) to Judaism and Jewish peoplehood.

Another gratifying etymological connection has been made between orev and erev, meaning 'evening' or 'dusk.' Both words are comprised of the same letters, and Hebrew linguists believe that the word orev was derived from erev, a reference to the raven's dark plumage. If so, the raven’s name is born of the gloaming, my favorite time of day, one electric with magic and possibility, and ideal for sustained rumination.

But the etymology can be (and is) taken one step further. Ervuv is the Hebrew word for 'mixture' and, just as day mixes with night at erev, some rabbis point out that, although it is officially deemed treif, the raven is the only bird species to split the difference on the Mishnah's four kashrut qualities; it possesses two kosher attributes and two treif attributes, and is therefore a "mixed" creature.

This mixture angle is also important to me. When I emerge from mikveh, I will (halachically) be a Jew. Were you to ask me then if I stood at Sinai, I would confidently say ‘Yes.' Yes, at least, with respect to metaphysics and psychology...but my personal history is not that of Hebrew school, kugel, or Camp Ramah. My Gentile past will inform my Jewish identity in unexpected, generally positive ways, but the individual ger, like the individual shul, will never please klal Yisrael. Because I expect to be actively engaged in my Jewish community (across the denominational, political, and theological spectrums), I know that my very "Jewishness" will sometimes be challenged. Some fellow Jews will review my attributes and deem me kosher; others will say I'm treif. I'd be fibbing were I to claim that this limbo doesn't trouble me, but I also recognize that it provides me with a special opportunity to examine questions of identity. I will be wholly Jewish and yet I will be "the stranger that sojourns among" my fellow Jews.

The name I have chosen embodies two themes that are important to me: my (re)turn to Jewish peoplehood and also the peculiar/particular Jewish identity of the ger.

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Thoughts on Jewish Names

10/2/2017

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(Image, a Hebrew name necklace from www.judaicawebstore.com)

A few months ago I sent everyone a link to the article, How to Pick a Hebrew Name on www.myjewishlearning.com's site. The gentleman who called my attention to the article had this to say about the article:
The story reveals that really there are no rules, it's whatever-floats-your-boat.
My own reason for choosing a double Hebrew name, one Biblical and one modern Israeli, Jedidiah Eyal, is that my Hebrew name thus covers the two ends of the spectrum. I chose mine based on names that spoke to me because of their sounds, especially when said together, as opposed to the meanings thereof.

He also send me a link to a Hebrew Name site.

I received a very interesting and important comment from another reader who said this:

I've actually been thinking more about the latter part of my Hebrew name -- the "ben avraham v'sarah" part. For a convert, I find this the most challenging part, because it automatically outs you as a convert, even at times when you may not want to be outed. I'm all for being a proud convert, but I like "outing" myself on my own terms. I have been a guest in congregations who asked me to do an aliyah. I don't know these people and I don't want the first thing they know about me to be that I'm a convert. But I have no choice in that instance, unless I lie about my Hebrew name.

Do you have any ideas or examples of converts who have not used "ben avraham v'sarah"? At times I have just been inclined to say "ben avraham", as it seems a little more ambiguous.

This is an issue that has plagued many Jews by choice. Here Jewish law forbids Jews to bring up a convert's status, but the very use of their name labels them as such. I believe that it is fine to simply say, Ezra ben Avraham. (Assuming your Hebrew name is Ezra.) Many Jews are called to the Torah using only one parent's name. You would be telling the truth without initiating a discussion of your conversion.

Do you have other suggestions for this situation? Please share them in the comments.

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A Rabbi Discusses the Conversion Process

2/14/2017

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When a person is considering conversion to Judaism they usually want to answers to a set of questions. We asked these questions of Rabbi Corey Helfand of Peninsula Sinai of Foster CIty and we share his answers below.

Could you tell me what your general process is?
The process is on average 1 to 2 years, although to be fair, it is all dependent on the individual person. Some take longer, some less time. I try to customize it based on each person’s needs and goals.

Does it generally take a year for a person to learn all they need to convert?
The reason for one year at minimum is that I like for all of my students to see/experience/live a full holiday-cycle in the Jewish tradition. The second year focuses more on Jewish thought/philosophy, theology, the Holocaust/Zionism, and lifecycles. Learning and living Judaism is a life-long journey and through that lens, conversion is about beginning the journey. While it’s absolutely possible to learn the basics in the first year, including writing your spiritual autobiography and personal theology, it’s also important that we create a process that works for you. The first year will get you going on your journey, and hopefully inspire you to keep on learning.

Do your students take a basic Judaism class? If yes, with you or elsewhere?
All students are encouraged to take an intro to Judaism class, either with me or somewhere else locally. If one isn’t being offered, then I work with the student one on one.

In your one-on-one study how frequently do you meet with a student?
One-on-ones are either weekly or every other week depending on scheduling. I am also available to meet by phone and over Skype/FaceTime/Google Hangout etc.

Are there particular books you have your students read?
I ask everyone to start by reading Rabbi Wayne Dosick’s, Living Judaism as well as Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove’s, Jewish Theology in our Time. Students are also asked to read the weekly Torah portion. As time progresses, I have them read a book in each of the following categories: Jewish history, philosophy, Israel, and spirituality. Some book are a great fit and others are not. As our relationship develops, I’ll help you find additional reading material that will speak to where you are on your journey.

Where do you take your students for immersion and beit din?
I do batei din at the mikvaot in San Francisco, Oakland and Los Gatos. Just depends on scheduling and logistics.

When someone contacts you and says they want to convert do you turn them away 3 times?
Absolutely not. I follow Hillel and welcome them in. The rest is commentary and then we start learning.

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<<Previous

How Do You Know You Are Ready to Convert?

The Value of Learning Hebrew

How did you choose your Hebrew name?

Converting babies and children to Judaism

I want to start Practicing Judaism NOW!

Conversions come in all Flavors

Getting Help with Conversion Around the World

Why I chose my Hebrew Name

Thoughts on Jewish Names

A Rabbi Discusses the Conversion Process

Thoughts from our Email List

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