Category: Conversion Process

How did you choose your Hebrew name?

1/23/2019

(A necklace of the name, Elisheva from the website www.israelblessing.com Take a look. They are quite beautiful.)

The Jewish online magazine Kveller offered an article titled, Call Me By My (Hebrew) Name. We sent the article to the list and asked about people's reactions.

Nadav replied this way in regard to choosing his own name.

Recently I have been going by my Hebrew name from school to work and when meeting others.
The reason I picked out the name Nadav is that I wanted a name that was strongly contemporary in the Jewish world (in Israel it is somewhat modern) but yet it is a Hebrew name and defines my Judaism. I wanted to choose something "different" or not too common. I did not want to go by Moshe, Menachem, or Ya'akov. I considered those names since I thought they were "very Jewish". There is this artist in Israel that represented Israel in the 2015 Eurovision Song Contest and his name is Nadav and I liked it so that is how I chose my Hebrew name. I have thought of changing it to my legal name but haven’t yet.
I have been told modern Hebrew speakers that my name means “generous” and I think it fits me pretty well.

Note: Yes, Nadav does indeed mean “generous” or “noble” and is the name of the priest Aaron’s eldest son.

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Converting babies and children to Judaism

3/16/2018

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Reasons for converting a baby or child
* When a parent converts to Judaism they may decide to convert the children they already have.
* If a Jewish or interfaith couple adopt a baby, they may want to convert the little one.
* When a non-Jewish woman has a child and wants to raise the child Jewish with her Jewish partner, she may want to the child to be officially converted.

The reason for converting a child in one of these situations is to ensure that a larger percent of the Jewish world will view the child as authentically Jewish.

How it works
EVERY conversion/convert holds the status of the rabbi(s) who performed the conversion. So an Orthodox conversion is accepted by all streams of Judaism. A Conservative conversion is accepted by Conservative and the Reform/Reconstructionist /Renewal movements. Conversions by a Reform, Reconstructionist or Renewal rabbi will be accepted by that same group of rabbis.

Additionally, every rabbi will have their own requirements for how the child will be raised by the parents in order for the rabbi to be willing to perform the conversion. So it is vital that you contact the rabbi to learn what will be required! In interviewing rabbis about their requirements I found that all of them, including the Orthodox, had their own, nuanced requirements.

Requirements can be things like this:
Family must be members of a synagogue
Observing Shabbat and the Jewish holidays
Enrolling the child in Hebrew school, or perhaps a Jewish day school
Keeping a kosher kitchen

Some aspects of a child's conversion are the same as an adult. Male children will have to be circumcised. If they are already circumcised, a traditional rabbi will require that they have hatafat dam - a ritual drawing of a few drops of blood from the penis. Both male and female children are taken to be immersed in the mikvah. One of the parents, dressed in a bathing suit, takes the child into the mikvah and dips them under the instructions of the rabbi. Many rabbis have little suggestions or tricks for helping to get a baby to close their eyes and hold their breath. (I've been told that blowing on a baby's face causes them to do so.)

But it is also up to the child
The ancient rabbis had a very thoughtful debate about a child who is converted by their parents or guardian. They believed that the child had a say in their identity. Thus, at the age of Jewish adulthood, typically 12 for a girl and 13 for a boy, the child is asked whether they want to be Jewish. They are free to say, no, and decline to be a Jew. Or they can affirm the decision that was made "for them" and live as a Jew.

This idea of individual autonomy runs against many other religions and can be difficult for non-Jews, or Jews lacking education in this area, to understand. Personally, I believe it is one of the most beautiful things about Judaism.

This article from My Jewish Learning about converting a baby or child is quite good.

Have you had your child converted? Please share your experience and recommendations in the comments below.

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I want to start Practicing Judaism NOW!

3/5/2018

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I received this inquiry about conversion:
During the conversion process, how observant can or should one be? What kind of mitzvot can someone do? I can only find Orthodox information and that’s not very helpful in my case. My rabbi is advising me not to wear tallit or hang a mezuzah until after I finish, but why? What are the guidelines for other things? Can I kasher all of my dishes? Can I cover my head when I pray or study? (I have found it helpful to do so before.) Can I say blessings? I’m only a month into the process, but I know a lot and I’m feeling ready to take on some mitzvot.
— Ready to Go

Here's my answer. (Share your thoughts in the comments below.)

Dear Ready: Part of becoming a Jew is becoming a member of a community with communal rules. Within every synagogue is a micro-Jewish community that lives by the rules of that group of people and their rabbi and their understanding of Jewish law.
If you have found a rabbi with whom you are comfortable, then trust him/her. Your rabbi is thinking about how you will fit into the community. If you wear a tallit or hang a mezuzah you are signaling other Jews that you are already Jewish. That can be seen as deceptive.
At one month into your study you are gaining a number of facts about Jewish life, i.e., the trappings of Judaism, clothing and home accoutrements, but you do not yet know the mentality of Jewish life, which includes theology, history and culture. Being a Jew is often referred to as being “a member of the tribe.” That is, you are becoming a part of a whole, dedicating yourself to a greater good a bigger family.
You ask about kashering your dishes and also say that you can only find Orthodox information and it is not helpful in your case. I am guessing from that that you are not studying for an Orthodox conversion.
The point of having kosher dishes is to permit traditionally observant Jews to eat in your home. Right now you are eating there just fine, and as a not-yet-Jewish person you do not require kosher dishes. A traditional Jew would not eat in your home now because there is no assurance that you know what you are doing in terms of food buying, handling and preparation.
Either you plan to observe kashrut, in which case you still have a lot to learn before you will be able to maintain your dishes’ kosher status, or you just want to have kosher dishes. If you just want kosher dishes, why? Is it to make you feel more Jewish?
You are at the very beginning of your journey. Slow down and let this precious study time sink in. Right now you are meeting with your rabbi regularly, learning something new each week. Once you become a Jew, it will last for the rest of your life. Embrace this liminal time.
Can you cover your head to pray? Many faiths have this practice. I see no reason you could not do that, but ask your rabbi. It may be that your shul expects men to cover their heads; others expect both men and women to do so.
Can you say blessings? I am guessing that your rabbi is teaching you blessings. You have to say them to learn and practice. If you are asking whether you can say blessings on behalf of the community as the shaliach tzibur (messenger of the community), the answer is usually no. Only a Jew can do that. (This may differ in nontraditional Jewish environments.) But one month of studying has not prepared you for such a responsibility.
In the Mishnah, the rabbis list and discuss the mitzvot. They mention honoring parents, visiting the sick, welcoming guests, comforting mourners and observing Shabbat and the holidays, among many others. There are so many mitzvot you can do that are simply a part of living a decent life.
Judaism focuses on our daily lives; focus on yours. Be cognizant of what you are doing and why. Do you call your mother to see how she is doing? Do you send a note to someone who has lost a loved one? Do you attend services? Do you got to Torah study or find a place to study with others?
The actions you are raising are primarily ones that happen “outside” of yourself — what you wear, what is on your house, the status of your dishes.
Turn your thinking inside. Are you careful to make your actions in keeping with Jewish tradition? Don’t lie, but don’t needlessly blurt out a hurtful truth. Avoid gossip. Look for ways to help those less fortunate than yourself. Do these things mindfully. It will be rewarding and begin connecting you to your Jewish practice and emerging identity.

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Conversions come in all Flavors

1/11/2018

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We tend to think exclusively about people who convert to Judaism. But there are people converting to other religions every day. A Jew by choice send me this sweet note about her own mother.

My mother became Catholic at age 70. She's now 82. I think she feels a tremendous sense & depth of love for God and closeness to her community. She was raised Baptist, but I think Catholicism really resonated with her when she was exposed to it by enrolling me in a Catholic elementary school. I think the theology of the religion and the manner in which it is expressed felt intuitively right to her. Although it took her almost 40 years to find a path, she found the one that was right for her. Ironically, I think I felt inspired and empowered to become Jewish because of her actions and modeling of courage in affirming her faith.

Is there someone whose actions encouraged you to pursue conversion? Tell us about it in the comments.

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Getting Help with Conversion Around the World

12/7/2017

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We frequently receive requests for assistance with conversion from countries around the world. We simply don't provide that. There is an organization called Kulanu that offers help in a number of countries. You can take a look at their map of the communities in which they work to see if they can help you. They list these communities.

Abayudaya
Anousim, Crypto-Judaism
Brazil
Cameroon
Columbia
Cote d’Ivoire
Ecuador
Ethiopia
Ghana
Gabon
India
Italy
Ivory Coast
Kenya
Lemba
Madagascar
Nicaragua
Nigera
Peru
Poland
Papua Indonesia
Suriname
Tutsi
Uganda (Abayudaya)
Zimbabwe (Lemba)

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Why I chose my Hebrew Name

10/5/2017

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We asked people on our email list about how they chose their Hebrew name. Here's a powerful and thoughtful reply.

My Hebrew name is Orev ben Avraham Avinu v' Sarah Imanu.
“Why Orev (עורב)”? I've been asked.

Those well-versed in Tanakh might worry that I've chosen Orev in some misguided tribute to one of the two Midianite chieftains killed in Shoftim 7:25. But, no, the ill-fated Midianite is not my namesake. Because Orev means 'raven,' some friends of mine have assumed that my choice stems from my fondness for natural history and especially for reviled and
misunderstood species. I am fascinated and excited by ravens, but that
partiality isn't my principal motivation, either. Instead, I chose Orev because
of the raven's mysterious role in the story of Noah.
"And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of
the ark which he had made. He sent out the raven, and it kept going and
returning until the drying of the waters from upon the earth. And he sent out the
dove from him to see whether the water had subsided from the face of the
ground." (Bereshit 8:6-8).

Where did the raven go?
Contemporary biblical critics contend that the raven's disappearance is another example of the biblical narrative's many sources. According to these scholars, when the stories of Torah were first edited and assembled, scribes often included details from differing accounts (rather than choosing between them). By this reckoning, one of the ancient riffs on the flood story had it that a raven was released while another, slightly different version of the tale assigned the recon flight to a dove. The two versions were simply spliced together so that Noah released the raven and then the dove. The literary, analytical, and rational inclinations of this particular Torah reader make me appreciative of such striking examples of narrative juxtaposition and myth-making. But while I appreciate our sacred text through a decidedly non-supernatural lens, I also invest Torah with much social and mystical power. These two, very different approaches to Torah — one universalist and secular, the other specific and traditional — place me in a grey zone of contemporary Jewish identity, but I consider this balancing act (this push-pull or hybrid position) to be the very essence of the Conservative movement’s philosophy, and it’s a primary reason I’ve chosen to convert in the stream’s mikveh.

But what does this have to do with my name? Back to Noah’s raven; what became of it? There are a number of traditional drashs that explain the raven's disappearance, but I view the stray bird as an analog of my Jewish neshamah. This orev "flew the coop," so to speak, but has at last come back to the ark (through covenant).

I find a satisfying etymological riff on this interpretation in the Hebrew name itself, עורב .Ayin means "eye," Vav means "and," Resh means "beginning" or "head," and Beit means "house" or "home." Orev, therefore, can be read as "eye and head home," an oblique reference to the raven's "seeing" his way home. Likewise, my neshamah has turned anew (or returned) to Judaism and Jewish peoplehood.

Another gratifying etymological connection has been made between orev and erev, meaning 'evening' or 'dusk.' Both words are comprised of the same letters, and Hebrew linguists believe that the word orev was derived from erev, a reference to the raven's dark plumage. If so, the raven’s name is born of the gloaming, my favorite time of day, one electric with magic and possibility, and ideal for sustained rumination.

But the etymology can be (and is) taken one step further. Ervuv is the Hebrew word for 'mixture' and, just as day mixes with night at erev, some rabbis point out that, although it is officially deemed treif, the raven is the only bird species to split the difference on the Mishnah's four kashrut qualities; it possesses two kosher attributes and two treif attributes, and is therefore a "mixed" creature.

This mixture angle is also important to me. When I emerge from mikveh, I will (halachically) be a Jew. Were you to ask me then if I stood at Sinai, I would confidently say ‘Yes.' Yes, at least, with respect to metaphysics and psychology...but my personal history is not that of Hebrew school, kugel, or Camp Ramah. My Gentile past will inform my Jewish identity in unexpected, generally positive ways, but the individual ger, like the individual shul, will never please klal Yisrael. Because I expect to be actively engaged in my Jewish community (across the denominational, political, and theological spectrums), I know that my very "Jewishness" will sometimes be challenged. Some fellow Jews will review my attributes and deem me kosher; others will say I'm treif. I'd be fibbing were I to claim that this limbo doesn't trouble me, but I also recognize that it provides me with a special opportunity to examine questions of identity. I will be wholly Jewish and yet I will be "the stranger that sojourns among" my fellow Jews.

The name I have chosen embodies two themes that are important to me: my (re)turn to Jewish peoplehood and also the peculiar/particular Jewish identity of the ger.

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Thoughts on Jewish Names

10/2/2017

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(Image, a Hebrew name necklace from www.judaicawebstore.com)

A few months ago I sent everyone a link to the article, How to Pick a Hebrew Name on www.myjewishlearning.com's site. The gentleman who called my attention to the article had this to say about the article:
The story reveals that really there are no rules, it's whatever-floats-your-boat.
My own reason for choosing a double Hebrew name, one Biblical and one modern Israeli, Jedidiah Eyal, is that my Hebrew name thus covers the two ends of the spectrum. I chose mine based on names that spoke to me because of their sounds, especially when said together, as opposed to the meanings thereof.

He also send me a link to a Hebrew Name site.

I received a very interesting and important comment from another reader who said this:

I've actually been thinking more about the latter part of my Hebrew name -- the "ben avraham v'sarah" part. For a convert, I find this the most challenging part, because it automatically outs you as a convert, even at times when you may not want to be outed. I'm all for being a proud convert, but I like "outing" myself on my own terms. I have been a guest in congregations who asked me to do an aliyah. I don't know these people and I don't want the first thing they know about me to be that I'm a convert. But I have no choice in that instance, unless I lie about my Hebrew name.

Do you have any ideas or examples of converts who have not used "ben avraham v'sarah"? At times I have just been inclined to say "ben avraham", as it seems a little more ambiguous.

This is an issue that has plagued many Jews by choice. Here Jewish law forbids Jews to bring up a convert's status, but the very use of their name labels them as such. I believe that it is fine to simply say, Ezra ben Avraham. (Assuming your Hebrew name is Ezra.) Many Jews are called to the Torah using only one parent's name. You would be telling the truth without initiating a discussion of your conversion.

Do you have other suggestions for this situation? Please share them in the comments.

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A Rabbi Discusses the Conversion Process

2/14/2017

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When a person is considering conversion to Judaism they usually want to answers to a set of questions. We asked these questions of Rabbi Corey Helfand of Peninsula Sinai of Foster CIty and we share his answers below.

Could you tell me what your general process is?
The process is on average 1 to 2 years, although to be fair, it is all dependent on the individual person. Some take longer, some less time. I try to customize it based on each person’s needs and goals.

Does it generally take a year for a person to learn all they need to convert?
The reason for one year at minimum is that I like for all of my students to see/experience/live a full holiday-cycle in the Jewish tradition. The second year focuses more on Jewish thought/philosophy, theology, the Holocaust/Zionism, and lifecycles. Learning and living Judaism is a life-long journey and through that lens, conversion is about beginning the journey. While it’s absolutely possible to learn the basics in the first year, including writing your spiritual autobiography and personal theology, it’s also important that we create a process that works for you. The first year will get you going on your journey, and hopefully inspire you to keep on learning.

Do your students take a basic Judaism class? If yes, with you or elsewhere?
All students are encouraged to take an intro to Judaism class, either with me or somewhere else locally. If one isn’t being offered, then I work with the student one on one.

In your one-on-one study how frequently do you meet with a student?
One-on-ones are either weekly or every other week depending on scheduling. I am also available to meet by phone and over Skype/FaceTime/Google Hangout etc.

Are there particular books you have your students read?
I ask everyone to start by reading Rabbi Wayne Dosick’s, Living Judaism as well as Rabbi Elliot Cosgrove’s, Jewish Theology in our Time. Students are also asked to read the weekly Torah portion. As time progresses, I have them read a book in each of the following categories: Jewish history, philosophy, Israel, and spirituality. Some book are a great fit and others are not. As our relationship develops, I’ll help you find additional reading material that will speak to where you are on your journey.

Where do you take your students for immersion and beit din?
I do batei din at the mikvaot in San Francisco, Oakland and Los Gatos. Just depends on scheduling and logistics.

When someone contacts you and says they want to convert do you turn them away 3 times?
Absolutely not. I follow Hillel and welcome them in. The rest is commentary and then we start learning.

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What's in a Jewish Name?

10/28/2016

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Rabbi Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton sent out an email to his congregation about Jewish Names.

If you are working out what Hebrew name you'll choose, take a look at what Rabbi Milder has to say.

Note that he sent this message out and invited congregants who don't have a Hebrew name to get one on Shabbat Shemot, Friday, January 20, 2017

What's Your Jewish Name?
It's not Frank, even if you can transliterate that into Hebrew letters.
Your Jewish name includes your Jewish parent's name, because it is an indication of how you acquired your Jewish identity. That's why Jews-by-choice get the parentage of Abraham and Sarah [Avraham v'Sarah], not their own parents' names, as their own parents are not Jews. Similarly, the child of one Jewish parent and one non-Jewish parent includes the Jewish parent's name in his/her own Jewish name. This is a name that has a ritual role, and is a Jewish identifier; hence, the focus on Jewish lineage. So, if Peter (Pesach) has a Jewish father named Paul (Shaul) and a non-Jewish mother named Mary, his Jewish name is Pesach ben Shaul. His Jewish name is not Pesach ben Shaul v'Mary.
Back to Frank. Jewish names are names derived from Jewish tradition. They generally have a Hebrew etymology. For that reason, Carol is not a Jewish name. It may be the name of a Jew, but Carol's Jewish name is a name drawn from our heritage, not from the heritage of other peoples.
Many of us have Yiddish names. Some rabbis prefer to translate Yiddish names into their Hebrew equivalents, while others (like me) view Yiddish names as part of our heritage. Zisl ben Motke v'Sheindel is a name that might have been used for centuries in Jewish ritual contexts, like Ketubot (wedding contracts) or Aliyot (being called to the Torah).
Over the course of time, the pronunciation of Jewish names sometimes becomes corrupted. It is always appropriate to reclaim the authentic pronunciation of the person for whom you were named, particularly if the way your great-aunt pronounced it makes no sense whatsoever.
I would like to help you record your authentic Hebrew name. Please be in touch!

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My Jewish Journey

7/18/2016

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By Hannah, a female Reform convert

I’ve always felt a connection to Judaism ever since I was young. I remember telling my Mom when I was younger that I wish I was Jewish and that I wanted to marry a Jewish man. She would just look at me puzzled and ask me “why?”. I was never sure why…. and I still can’t explain it. I wanted to be part of that tradition. The history intrigued me and I loved Jewish humor. It never occurred to me that I could ever actually be Jewish. I thought the only way to be Jewish was by being born that way.

I started dating my fiancé in 2010. I didn’t seek him out because he was Jewish...that was just a happy coincidence. We had mutual friends and started playing music together and became best friends for 2 years before we started dating. After 5 years together he proposed and said that he hoped that I would convert to Judaism and that it was important to him. I always wanted to be Jewish, but somehow I didn't think converting would be what I wanted it to be. I had preconceived notions about it. I thought that I would have to believe in God or at least pretend to believe to convert. I thought I would have to practice the conservative version of the religion because that’s all I knew about. I thought I might have to believe every literal word of the Torah. I thought converting only meant that I practice the Jewish religion, but I could never really be considered a Jew. I thought I would feel like a fraud.

I was sour on the idea of “organized religion” even though I never really thought about what was meant by the term. I wasn't clear on my beliefs towards God. I was agnostic and didn't really take time to think about these questions or about spirituality. I was too busy with work and life.

Since it was important to my fiancé and I was still intrigued by Judaism, I thought I would look into what conversion really looks like. The first thing I did was Google Jewish conversion in the Bay Area and luckily I stumbled upon Dawn Kepler’s amazing website BecomingJewish.net. I read people’s conversion stories and started to realize that none of my previous judgments about converting were true. In fact, in some cases people had the same ideas that I did, yet found the opposite to be true and found a home and a community within Judaism. After reading these stories I started to get excited about this opportunity. I then set up an appointment with Rabbi Mates-Muchin. On our first appointment she completely laid to rest all of my concerns about having to believe in God and old school ideas about Judaism. So I decided to start my conversion process.

Over the 10 months or so of my conversion process I had talks with Rabbi Mates-Muchin, I took the Intro to Judaism class with Rabbi Adar, I sometimes read the weekly Torah portions, I went to some Shabbat services and holidays at Temple Sinai. The things that I learned over that span of time sparked a lot of thought within me about Judaism, God, spirituality and tradition. I didn’t expect how much this process would really make a difference in my life.

Many unexpected changes took place within me as a result of the conversion and learning process that I never could have imagined. Initially, I was very judgmental about religion and prejudged people in other religions for their beliefs. In learning about Judaism it has allowed me to be open to more things. I realized that “religion” isn’t just one thing represented by one collection of beliefs. There are many interpretations of what religion can be. I’ve stopped assuming that I know what religion means to everyone or that I know what their beliefs are just because they belong to a certain religion. I always considered myself to be the most accepting person, but for some reason that didn’t extend to “religious” people. I’ve even discovered that I was missing out on getting to know really great people since I had been writing them off because of their religiousness.

In studying Jewish beliefs and traditions, I feel like it makes me a better person who wants to make wise choices, be good to people and help others. Reading Torah, learning about mitzvot and being around others who are striving to be better people has helped me to take a look at myself. I now find myself looking for ways to perform mitzvot. Not that I was uncaring before, but I just never really thought about it day to day. Now I feel more compassionate, more at peace and thankful. I also know that I’m not perfect, yet this process of learning and improving has provided a framework that will always help me as I go through life.

I was encouraged to try “Jewish things” during this process and never thought they would be as meaningful as they are. Prayer, blessings, performing mitzvot, the act of learning and Shabbat dinner have become practices that I have come to cherish. These acts have put me in touch with a tradition that has been carefully held on to for thousands of years even when it’s beholders and the right to practice them has been threatened over and over again. These traditions have strengthened my faith and connection to something greater than myself.

Through this process, I have even come around to having a belief in some sort of God, not necessarily the old bearded man in the sky that I was so turned off by initially but some sort of higher being that is beyond our understanding; something else out there beyond just the humans on earth; something outside of us that ties us together. This newfound belief has enriched my life. I can’t fully articulate my beliefs in it yet, but I know I feel a shift and for the first time since I was a little girl, I’m excited about the idea of a higher being and I’m eager to keep exploring about what it means to me.

Another favorite part of this process has been learning about Jewish history. The origin of the Jewish people, the times of peace, the times of struggle, the changes, the discussions and the triumphs of the Jewish people fascinates me. Learning this history makes me appreciate Judaism and all the generations, families and people before me who preserved it. The perseverance and spirit of the Jewish people amazes and inspires me every day. It means so much to me to be part of this community and to carry on these beautiful traditions. Throughout its history, some preserved the traditions of Judaism openly with joy, some with obligation and some with fear. I know that for the rest of my life as a Jewish woman who carries on this tradition there will be days when I will experience each of those feelings: joy, obligation, and even fear. But through it all, I will feel proud to call myself a Jew.

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How did you choose your Hebrew name?

Converting babies and children to Judaism

I want to start Practicing Judaism NOW!

Conversions come in all Flavors

Getting Help with Conversion Around the World

Why I chose my Hebrew Name

Thoughts on Jewish Names

A Rabbi Discusses the Conversion Process

What's in a Jewish Name?

My Jewish Journey

Thoughts from our Email List

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