Category: Mikvah - BECOMING JEWISH

Converting During Covid - another perspective

6/29/2020

Dear Dawn,

I read with interest your article in J., “I can’t finish my conversion because of Covid-19,” and wanted to offer another perspective.

I am a member of the mentor cohort at Congregation Sherith Israel. As a mentor, my responsibilities include working one-to-one with a conversion student, teaching, guiding, modeling, and supporting in whatever ways I can. CSI’s mentoring program includes a 3-month Introduction to Judaism class, student meetings with clergy, encouragement for students to be actively attending services and/or Torah Study on a regular basis, involvement in synagogue activities, an Introduction to Hebrew course, written essays summarizing the conversion experience, and of course ongoing meetings and communication with the student’s mentor.

Certainly Covid-19 has challenged everything we know about business as usual. My student had finished all required coursework, and had been actively involved in synagogue life for over a year. Perhaps motivated by the fact that our cantor would be leaving the area this month, my student and I worked with two members of our clergy to complete the conversion process. Do we have exceptional clergy? I happen to think so. Working with Rabbi Jessica Zimmerman Graf and Cantor David Frommer, my student completed her essays, leaving only the Beit Din, Mikvah, and blessings in front of the congregation. Cantor Frommer led the Beit Din via Zoom, with my student, Rabbi Graf, and I present and participating. Two days later, my student, accompanied by Rabbi Graf and I, met in the San Francisco Marina. It was a typical San Francisco morning, foggy and drizzling. At the beach, my student removed her sweat pants and tee-shirt, and wearing only a swimsuit, bravely made her way into the San Francisco Bay. The rabbi had instructed my student in the proper blessings, and procedures for submersion. Once deep enough into the water, my almost Jewish student removed her bathing suit, and held it above her head as she immersed herself three times. Both the Beit Din and Mikvah were completely kosher. Finally, my student, now a Jew By Choice was blessed in front of the congregation at our weekly Shabbat service via Zoom. As an active synagogue member and conversion mentor, I am certain my experience in the entire process with my student, particularly the Beit Din and Mikvah will remain a highlight of my synagogue life.

All best,
Susan B.

I so appreciate the creativity of Susan and her student. I posed this idea to the writer of the original letter. Although she is a swimmer she opted for an indoor mikvah. But a natural body of water is always an option!

A Mikveh Story from Los Angeles

12/30/2016

(Rabbinical Assembly Mikveh at American Jewish University. Photo courtesy of Rabbinical Assembly)

A young person in Los Angeles emailed me to say that they will be going to the mikveh at the American Jewish University next month. I think it is important to SEE what mikvot look like to give folks an idea of what to expect. This one in Los Angles is quite modern and simple. In general, so are many mikvot. There is often a spa-like appearance. (Take a look at the local Bay Area mikvot also by choosing Category "Mikvah".

This article, Becoming Jewish: Tales from the Mikveh, shares some of the wonderful stories that the mikvah ladies, Judith Golden and Suzanne Rosenthal, have experienced.

Bay Area Mikvahs

5/22/2014

There are three mikvahs (mikvot) available to potential Jewish converts in the Bay Area. Here are photos of the three of them.

First, below are two photos of the East Bay Mikvah at Beth Jacob in Oakland.

Pictured below is the San Francisco mikvah on Sacramento Street.

Finally, two photos of the Community Mikvah of Silicon Valley at the JCC in Los Gatos.

Hatafat Dam Brit / Brit Milah

3/28/2014

in the Orthodox and Conservative branches of Judaism, an uncircumcised man who wishes to convert must undergo a circumcision and hatafat dam brit (ritual drawing of a drop of blood). Here is one man's story of the experience.

Hatafat Dam Brit (ritual drawing of a drop of blood)
As the date of their beit din (rabbinic court) nears, many intended gerim (converts) grow especially nervous about one “last detail” of the conversion process, the hatafat dam brit (literally, the drop of blood covenant), or symbolic circumcision. The hatafat dam brit is a requisite part of conversion to Judaism because brit milah (the covenant of circumcision), is a sacred rite as much as it is a surgical procedure. If an intended male convert to Judaism was circumcised prior to his conversion, that non-religious procedure doesn’t substitute for brit milah. The would-be ger (convert) must undergo hatafat dam brit to meet the ritual requirements of entrance into the Jewish covenant. During the rite, a mohel or rabbi draws a drop of blood from just under the glans of the penis, where the foreskin is attached on an uncircumcised member.

Like most of my fellow male gerim, I was a bit anxious about this aspect of my conversion. I knew that my beit din, hatafat dam brit, and mikveh visit were slated to take place in quick succession, all in the course of about two hours, provided that my time with the beit din satisfied the participating rabbis. It did. The three rabbis, two of whom I knew and one of whom I did not, had read my conversion statement the night before and, to my delight and relief, thought highly of it. The four of us talked at length; it felt less like an interview (or court) than a conversation between people excited about Judaism and Jewish identity. Eventually, we realized we’d talked beyond the allotted time, so I hurried off to the changing room to disrobe and prepare for the hatafat dam brit and the mikveh.

Once I’d changed into a bath robe and bath slippers, I let the rabbis know that I was ready for them to enter. The rabbis, all men, entered the bathroom and instructed me to sit on a bench, open the bathrobe at the waist, and try to relax. The first two instructions were easily complied with; the third, a little more challenging! One of the rabbis then pinched together some of the skin of my penis and used a small, spring-loaded lancet (similar to that which diabetic individuals use to check their blood sugar levels) to prick the bunched skin. He then used a small piece of cotton gauze to dab the skin so that a tiny drop of blood stained the cotton. Finally, he showed the gauze and blood mark to the two other rabbis. Agreeing that they’d all seen the blood, they recited the bracha (blessing) for the rite. And that was that. It was time for me to follow them into the room containing the mikveh.

Adult Circumcision
When men ask me about this experience, they always want to know if the hatafat dam brit hurt. Honestly, I don’t remember any pain at all. That doesn’t mean, however, that hatafat dam brit isn’t an uncomfortable part of the conversion process. No matter the context, having your penis inspected, pinched, and poked can be awkward and unsettling. Additionally, everything is relative in our experience. I consider the pain of the rite alongside that associated with my adult circumcision, which I’d had several months prior to the hatafat dam brit. Although I was under general anesthetic during the medical procedure itself, the recovery from the circumcision lasted about two months and it was unpleasant and, at times, quite painful. Perhaps, then, even a painful hatafat dam brit experience would have been seen by me as relatively easy?

If intended gerim have particular questions for me about brit milah or hatafat dam brit, I am happy to answer them.

If you would like to be put in touch with this writer, contact Dawn at dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org

Thoughts on Conversion Day

11/14/2011

Today marks the final step in affirming my Jewish identity. I often struggle to find words to express the logical reasons behind my decision that I know others are seeking, because in the most simplest of terms- it was beshert. I have always been a spiritual person and had difficulties defining what the meant for me and where I belonged. I found that spiritual home in Judaism and today allows me to fully embrace all that it means to be a Jew- both spiritually and culturally. My dream for my Jewish tomorrow is to continue to grow in my knowledge, my involvement in the community and to build deeper connections with those around me. I dream of marrying and raising a Jewish family- providing all of the experiences that I didn’t get a chance to have growing up. I dream of one day journeying to Israel to feel the connection that one can only have there. I also dream of the day that I will be as comfortable speaking and reading Hebrew as I do English. In essence, I dream of a day when I will honor my non-Jewish past, but can’t imagine having never been Jewish. I have come a very long way thus far and I know that today is really only the beginning of a lifelong journey and I welcome it with an open heart and open arms.
Conservative woman convert

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by DL

10/28/2010

Before I went to the mikvah my rabbi emailed instructions to me. Here’s what I was told by my rabbi:

The mikvah is at Congregation Beth Jacob on Park Blvd (in Oakland). You ring the front door, and I will meet you in the lobby. The first step is meeting with the three rabbis for the beit din. You need to bring a $50 check made out to Congregation Beth Jacob to pay for use of the mikvah.

At the Beit Din, the three rabbis ask you questions. These are not fact-based questions but questions about what you like about Judaism, what you are doing currently in terms of Jewish observance, what Jewish holiday is meaningful to you, what Jewish books you are reading, connection to Israel. These are some examples, but they can ask you whatever they want. Often they ask you about things you wrote in your personal statement. This takes 10-15 minutes.

After your interview, and acceptance (I am 99.9% sure you will be accepted)*, you go into the mikvah. Wear no jewelry or makeup. You undress in the mikvah room, and the rabbis are in the next room. When you're ready to go in the water, you go in and call out "ready." For men a male rabbi will go in, and for women a female rabbi will go into the mikvah to supervise the immersion. The other rabbis from the beit din will wait outside within hearing range.

Here is the actual procedure inside the mikvah:

You go under the water three times. Go all the way, so the water covers your entire body, and recite the following blessing. If you don't have it memorized you can repeat after us.

Go under the first time and this is the blessing.

Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam asher kideshanu bemitzvotav vetzivanu al hatevila.

You then dunk a second time and recite the following blessing.

Baruch Ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech ha'olam shehecheyanu vekiamanu vehigianu lazman hazeh.

You then dunk a third time and recite the Shema.

Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad.

The final part of your conversion comes at synagogue, where we do a ceremony where you hold the Torah and we "name" you publicly.

*Of course, no one can guarantee you will be accepted but your rabbi will not take you before a beit din if he or she is not confident that you are ready.

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by SP

10/18/2010

(Image: White towels)

I went to the mikvah from work, so I was wearing the same dress I wore to work that day. My rabbi and a friend from temple met me at the mikvah. I was converting with a Reform rabbi, so our temple didn't have a mikvah. In the city where I was living, the Conservative synagogue had a mikvah that they let us use. Here's my first tip: if your congregation doesn't have a mikvah and you have not seen the one you're going to use, go visit it before you go for the big day! I think I wouldn't have been so nervous had I actually seen a mikvah before then.

Once we arrived at the mikvah, I changed into my bath robe. Then the woman who ran the mikvah went inside with me, while the rabbi and my friend stayed outside the door (it was a slanted door, so they could hear what was going on in the mikvah). I immersed the three times and said the blessings each time. My second tip: each time you come out of the water, take a breath before you start reciting the blessing! I didn't the first time I came up, and I started choking on water midway through the blessing. My rabbi thought I was drowning.

After I came out of the mikvah and dressed, the rabbi went through a few prayers, asked me a few questions, and I took my Hebrew name. The rabbi, my friend, and I talked for a few minutes, and that was it! My third tip: make a plan for what you're going to do right after going to the mikvah. I didn't have a plan, and I wish that I would have had some plan. I left there feeling like this huge change had just taken place, but I didn't know what to do or where to go. Eventually, I just went home, but I wish that I would have done something else and shared the moment with someone. Do something special: have a fancy meal with loved ones, have a picnic in the park -- it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's something special to you. After you go to the mikvah, if you're anything like me, you're not going to want to be alone and you're not going to feel like jumping back into everyday life. This is an occasion to celebrate!

The next day was Shabbat, and the rabbi announced that I had gone to the mikvah and was officially Jewish. He also had me take an aliyah. Saturday night, a few of my friends had a small party for me and we made havdallah. My fourth and final tip: make sure to talk to your rabbi about what exactly is going to happen when you convert! As is probably pretty typical, I had been studying with my rabbi for so long by the time I converted that I didn't think to ask some basic questions about what would happen. Plus, he, more or less, assumed that I knew everything if I didn't ask him specifically. Ask questions, and tell him or her what you want. For example, I didn't have a beit din because my rabbi didn't convene them as a matter of course for conversions; however, in some ways, I kind of wish that I would have had one. If I would have told him that I wanted one, I'm sure he would have found a way to convene one.

SP, a female Reform convert who completed her conversion in Richmond, VA.

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by KM

10/12/2010

I went to the mikvah on Sacramento Street in San Francisco, which is wonderful.

It was important to me to look like I took some time and had some consciousness about my appearance and the seriousness of the moment. I was going before my Beit Din just prior to immersion, and I was meeting friends later to celebrate for lunch—it was a really big day in my life, after all!

On the other hand, I realized that I would have to get in and out of these clothes, and would be a bit rushed and probably damp getting back into them after immersion. Ultimately, I realized I was NOT dressing to meet my maker, since the whole wonderful point of the mikvah is to meet my maker as I had been dressed for birth. That waylaid any concerns about needing to dress in a suit and tie with shiny black tie-up shoes. I suppose I ultimately dressed in what I would call “business casual” for lack of a better description. For me, that meant nice cotton khaki slacks, an oxford shirt (they dry quickly), a nice sports coat and loafers.

My actual experience in the mikvah was fantastic, and my Rabbi and the others on the Beit Din made it meaningful. I was allowed to invite very close family (three people) to the mikvah, and though they waited outside the tub area itself, they sang some niggunim and songs from the outer rooms with doors open so that I could hear them. It was a very powerful and beautiful experience to float in the water with the voices of my family and the Rabbis in the background. After the formal part of the process, I was told to spend some time in silence by myself reflecting on the moment. It was also very important to me to have had that moment of silence.

Also, I was treated to a very enthusiastic version of “Siman Tov and Mazel Tov” when I came out of the dressing room!

The Rabbi that convened my Beit Din was a woman, so she made sure that I had a man on the Beit Din to help me in the mikvah room itself. He had been the officiant for my Hatafat Dam Brit a few weeks earlier, but I knew him only slightly. At the mikvah, after the Beit Din approved me for conversion, he very thoroughly explained exactly what he was going to do, how he wanted me to cover my head for the prayers between dunks, and then gave me all the prompting I needed when I needed it. I was very glad that he did that, and it would have been great if he had done it a few days before. I was a bit nervous in the moment, and having at least heard what the actual ceremony would be like ahead of time would have helped as I could have prepared. I was a bit at a loss when every word of Hebrew suddenly seemed to have left my head.

The tachlichs thing that would have made a difference to me was if there had been a bit more coordination between my Rabbi and the mikvah manager, specifically around money. I would have been happy to come with a check in an envelope. As it was, it was odd to end my visit to the mikvah fumbling in the car to find my checkbook (which I fortunately had with me), then running back to write a check. It was a bit of a “clunk” in a wonderful day.

KM, male Renewal convert

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by CC

10/5/2010

This is a topic dear to me!

My mikvah/beit din/Torah-giving event was at Beth Jacob. I'd never seen a mikvah before, and nor had the 6 or so guests I had there. Before the beit din started, Rabbi took us all on a mini field trip to look at the mikvah, and he made some comment about "so everyone doesn't wonder what it is.” He volunteered to do this; we didn't ask. Since the mikvah there is completely unremarkable, like a rather dingy therapy pool in an old people's home, no one actually said anything other than "oh, huh..."

I was somewhat self-conscious as I walked from the beit din chapel past the guests, who were all sitting in the main sanctuary, because I knew that they knew I was going to get undressed and "take a bath.” At the mikvah waiting room it was me and my wife and the three rabbis. Rabbi explained the process and then I went in to the private area to shower and get into the mikvah, while outside my wife and the rabbis were chatting. It all seemed very anti-climactic and "ordinary" and I was aware that my weeks of anxiety about it were completely pointless. Then, once I was in the water, which was surprisingly warm, Rabbi came into the private area and the door was open enough for the two women rabbis to hear my responses.

Rabbi spoke, I repeated, I immersed. We did that three times. On the rising up on the third time I had a sudden and immense rush of emotion -- "I did it!" The year of studying, the daily wonderings and feelings of not quite being there, suddenly they were all over -- I was now a Jew. I was utterly thrilled. Rabbi left, I got dressed and walked into the waiting room expecting my wife and the rabbis to be discussing me and my conversion, but it turned out they were talking about exercise and how one rabbi has a treadmill. I said, "I thought you were talking about me," and one rabbi said, jokingly, "it's not all about you.” And I said, "Yes, it is!"

Then we did the Torah-giving service, and a few of us went to the Contemporary Jewish Museum in SF to have lunch and look around, as a celebration of the conversion. My wife and I took the whole day off. We both dressed up, me in a suit and tie. I considered it a formal and very important occasion, no jeans and a T-shirt.

Going to the Mikvah: My Experience, by AT

10/1/2010

(Image: the San Francisco Mikvah)

Before my conversion last spring, I had never seen a mikvah. Indeed there are only three mikvaot in the entire state of Oregon, so it wasn't terribly practical to do a dry run (so to speak). Of the choices available to me, I chose a really neat family-owned mikvah in Eugene that was built in a special outdoor room (kind of a like a spa). It was a very neat, mildly hippy kind of place, which was perfect for me and my personality. The more traditional mikvah in Portland was also an option, but choosing the somewhat more organic path really worked out for me. My rabbi also offered guidance about which mikvah experience would likely resonate for me based upon my personality and attitude as he had come to know me over the past couple of years.

I remember thinking at great length how I was going to dress for the mikvah and beit din (which were on the same day for me). I ultimately decided to wear a jacket and tie. For me, it came down to a recognition of the importance of the event in my life (and on my psyche). I would likely wear a jacket and tie to a wedding or a bar mitzvah, so it seemed fitting to dress for the occasion. My rabbi even said I was going to be the only one of the group who was dressed up (Oregon is a very casual place overall). No matter -- it made me feel special about the specialness of the day.

The mikvah experience for me was daunting heading in -- I'm a really private person in almost every way, so the thought of becoming 100% naked in front of strangers for such an intensely emotional experience was really overwhelming. That said, not surprisingly, it was handled with complete respect and dignity and I never felt embarrassed or self-conscious. I think maybe I was so focused on thinking about how unique the event was in my life that I lost sight of the fact that the three rabbis had been through any number of conversions before mine. I'm not suggesting it wasn't important or special in some way for them, too, as I feel certain they were thrilled to welcome me into the family. Rather, I would suggest that although every conversion and mikvah is unique to its participants, in the bigger picture it's an age-old ritual of initiation. When I finally got to that point, I was able to let go of my own self-consciousness and step back a bit to see my conversion from a broader perspective. For me, that actually made the whole thing comforting in some indefinable way. I was doing something that Jews had done before me for centuries, so I was able to let go of the anxiety and fear to a large extent and embrace the tradition.

As for what I wish I'd have known before I got there -- the mikvah was surprisingly deep to me. I don't swim, and although I'm not really afraid of the water per se, I do have a healthy respect for it. It actually wasn't until just after I had undressed and was preparing to get into the water that the rabbi and I talked a little about what makes a mikvah dunk kosher. Essentially, it means every single aspect of your body immersed and not touching the sides or floor of the mikvah. I wasn't really prepared for the extent to which I would need to be afloat in order for my mikvah to be ritually acceptable. My congregation is Reconstructionist, so I don't think there is perhaps quite the focus on those details, but afterward rabbi did tell me that my dunking had been completely kosher. I had read enough to know that I was supposed to be completely submersed, but actually striving to make that happen took a bit more body-awareness and concentration than I think I anticipated.

So, there's my two-shekels' worth. The only other comment I might add is something my rabbi said to me on the way back home. His remark was that the conversion is indeed an important and significant ritual, but feeling Jewish is a process. It wasn't as if I got home and immediately knew that I was a Jew through and through. That was an important caveat and has been completely true. The more involved I have become with my congregation, the more Shabbats I participate in, the more committees I join and classes I take, the more Jewish I feel and become. The mikvah is a step on the path, but it really is a life-long adventure.

AT, Male Reconstructionist convert