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Building Your Connection to Judaism and Jewish Community

10/31/2018

One of the difficulties that a Jew by choice may face AFTER conversion is not feeling truly connected to Judaism. Working with your rabbi, meeting regularly, having meaningful conversations, ends eventually. If you convert as a single person without any Jewish family you may feel bereft.

After the 2018 High Holy Days I was thrilled to receive an email from a single Jew by Choice, Miri, who shared this with me:

I really enjoyed singing in the choir this year for the High Holy Days and am still riding on the high of that. And Yom Kippur has become my FAVORITE Jewish Holiday. I love the self searching introspection and deep personal connections that I've come to experience on YK each year. While it's great that this holiday is a big-deal-once-a-year thing, I would like to have the same depth of experience on the other holidays.

To that end - the connection part - I've volunteered to chant Torah at the upcoming Nishma service. This will be the first time that I've chanted since my B'nai Mitzvah so I'm really looking forward to doing it.

My getting involved with my temple is a direct result of your guidance and coaching. Having grown up in Christianity where you are "saved" by someone else, I hadn't fully come to the realization that I and I alone am responsible for my connection with others. I had somehow expected people to do it for me, but that's not how we do it in Judaism. We need to reach out and when we do, we find support. This was the BEST piece of advice anyone ever gave me along my conversion path.

While I applaud this woman's spirit I believe that those of us who are already connected to a synagogue community need to make the effort to bring in the new people who appear in our midst. Don't hesitate to say hello to a new face at the oneg.

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My Journey to Judaism

10/31/2018

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By Elisheva, a female Reform convert

Growing up in a relatively non-religious household, I never seriously considered why spirituality and religion are so important to people. Growing up in a predominantly Christian town, I had always been more attracted to non-Christian religions. For a while, I fancied myself Buddhist and chanted Sanskrit mantras. (This phase took place from middle school into high school.) But my interest was more intellectual than personal and spiritual. At no point did I seriously explore Judaism though I had thought about it as an option.
                The only other time I delved into religion was when I went to a Church of Latter-Day Saints in my hometown. My sister and I were around six to eight-years-old when we attended Sunday school and services at the church. We went primarily because my dad’s side of the family were Mormons from Utah and I suppose my parents wanted my sister and me to have some exposure to religion to find out what we felt most connected to. Alas, Mormonism didn’t stick, partially because we were being pressured to get baptized when we had no desire to and felt we weren’t committed enough to do so. I remember my mother especially resenting this pressure because she wanted us to make the choice ourselves. I am beyond grateful to have been exposed to Mormonism, yet also glad I got out of it so that I didn’t feel obligated to do something I didn’t have to.
                I’d say religion didn’t come up again until my freshman and sophomore years of university because I had a couple of close Christian friends. One in particular being my friend Will with whom I had many conversations about faith. We once had a conversation in which he said, “I know you don’t believe, but….” That statement triggered a sincere reflection on what I do believe. At the time I was a struggling agnostic, rebelling against organized religion…mostly Christianity.
                The truth is I have never felt a connection to Christ as savior, nor have I ever enjoyed the preaching of Elders constantly at my door. I openly dislike the Christian emphasis on Hell and its use to inspire fear and motivate good deeds. But I have never strongly disparaged Christians for their beliefs. Just not for me.
                I asked myself whether I could go through life without spirituality. Is that what I was missing?
                One night, I visited the Contemporary Jewish Museum with Will where a Stanley Kubrick exhibit was going on. This was October of 2016. This was the first time that I had been in a Jewish space, so I thought of Judaism and Jewish culture. After the visit, I became very quiet and felt meditative. I then said, “I think I want to convert to Judaism.” It was so sudden, but I think I was finally voicing what had been going on in my subconscious.
                Subsequently, I did research on Jewish beliefs, the conversion process, and the different denominations. I then researched Reform synagogues in San Francisco because I identified with the liberalism of the Reform movement.
                My first time in a synagogue was daunting since it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I started out going to Kabbalat Shabbat services every Friday and sat in the rear-most pews due to my shyness. I didn’t want to be noticed fumbling over Hebrew. I didn’t want to make friends, really. It took me many months before I felt comfortable moving up the pews and bowing and talking to people at the oneg. I credit kind clergy and my mentor with my increasing comfort in the community.
                Books were also a source of comfort. Jewish history and life has inspired many a novel, and I wanted to read a lot of them. I learned about the openness of Judaism, how intellectual and academic Jewish religious life is, and how varied Jewish philosophy is. Each book brought me closer to why I wanted Judaism. I discovered that my sensibilities aligned with Jewish life. I enjoy study, I’m a skeptic, etc.
                Moreover, I began to view the Bible differently. What once had seemed like an inaccessible fable/self-help book became a literary adventure and spiritual guidebook…and still a fable. I appreciated the Reform view of the Bible as written by man with divine inspiration because it allows for freedom in study of the text. You can study it for morality lessons one day, then focus on literary interpretation the next, or even both at once.
                During the initial stages of my spiritual discovery, my sister showed interest. She constantly asked me questions, some which I couldn’t answer. Then we started studying Torah together weekly, and her interest inspired me. Sharing my journey with her made me happy and accepted.
                Nonetheless, I occasionally had difficulty when going home to visit my family for a weekend or during breaks from university. My mother has asked me more than once to run an errand for her on a Saturday and I have had to politely refuse due to my commitment to Shabbat rest. At first, she didn’t understand and thought Shabbat was just an excuse for me to sleep all day. Granted, I did occasionally take the opportunity to nap, but I mostly read books and prayed when I wanted to.
                My dad, on the other hand, a man who had sworn off Mormonism in his teen years and has since turned to Norse paganism as a faith, has teased me about my chosen monotheism. Initially, this made me uncomfortable, but now I enjoy having banter. We also have a sort of joke that whenever we drink alcohol together and I say “L’chaim”, he deliberately mispronounces the toast or says, “Skaal” in response. (Skaal is Norwegian for “Cheers”.) Generally, he and my mother are supportive of my decision to convert.
                However, I don’t envision my parents ever joining me at synagogue. Although my sister has attended services in Davis with me.
                I realize I have yet to mention God. When I was younger, I fantasized about an old white dude with a booming voice like in The Prince of Egypt giving me advice and granting me wishes. Now I wrestle with God because God is no longer some fantasy in my mind. God is not a man in the sky. God doesn’t get angry when I swear. Exploring Judaism has helped me gain confidence in questioning God and discovering what I do believe God to be. I’ve found I connect most to the concept of the Shechinah, the maternal Presence of God. I think I felt it after attending the Second Night Seder during Pesach. I felt transcendent once I left the space. I was overcome with the joy of being with community. Was all of this truly the Shechinah? Perhaps. It’s what I attributed my feelings to. God being a comforting Presence gives me peace, especially during Shabbat after a busy week operating in the “tyranny of space” as Heschel puts it.
                I like the idea of God as a unifying energy or force that gives meaning to the universe and purpose to our human lives. I am comforted by God as eternity. I also look forward to endlessly contemplating God as I age. Judaism has granted me a gift in that respect.
                On the other hand, I am also comforted by the fact that one doesn’t have to believe in God to be Jewish, which allows for diversity of thought in the community and very interesting Torah study contributions.
                Being a part of the Tribe, as it were, and now having a partner who is Jewish imbues me with a strong sense of pride and optimism for my (Jewish) life. Conversion is the most transformative decision I have made so far. I feel welcomed and loved.

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What do WE ALL do about Halloween?

10/29/2018

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Responses to the question:
Do you observe Halloween? What are your thoughts about this holiday? It's roots are both pagan and Christian. Yet in modern America it feels so non-religious. Opinions?

I'm really enjoying your open ended questions! It’s interesting to think about some of these issues.

I only recognize Halloween because I like scary movies, and giving out candy to big and little kids. I might partake of the candy a bit also. Its definitely one of the excuses I use to leave treats in our office.

I don't think I've ever observed the religious aspects of the day in my personal life.

I have staff members of Latino descent who observe the Day of the Dead. I've been a little hesitant about that kind of observance in the past, particularly at work, but the way they framed it as remembering lost loved ones or lost experiences feels more in line with my own values so I can appreciate the sentiment of the day. Since we're therapists, we also support clients in finding new meanings related to their losses so they can heal from grief. Lastly, although I don't engage in any specific rituals for the fall (outside of sharing and consuming candy), I do appreciate the slowing down and quietude of the season. However, it can be hard to enter this part of the year because it sometimes leads to reflection and even sadness about things that didn't happen during the busy and creative spring and summer time of the year. It ushers in the winter and associated holidays, which bring excitement and a bit of anxiety for some, myself included, about connecting or being disconnected from others. My favorite winter holiday is New Year's so I keep my sights set on that day, and just take the ones before it as a necessary ride up to my one I look forward to the most!
Raiza Orli Sarit

I always loved Halloween before I was Jewish. But its origins are so clearly pagan that once Jewish I considered it avodah zarah* and stopped celebrating it and don’t let my kids celebrate it. Though I now let them carve pumpkins at friends houses with their non-Jewish relatives.
Shifra Chayah
*foreign worship or idolatry

Yes, I observe Halloween... To me, it is just a time to have some fun with my friends' kids -- and it doesn't hurt to be a big kid myself once a year ;)
Binah Rut

Yes, I observe Halloween... To me, it is just a time to have some fun with my friends' kids -- and it doesn't hurt to be a big kid myself once a year ;)
Binah Rut

When I was young enough to trick or treat, the nuns who taught us told us that Halloween is a pagan celebration. They would not let us do anything about it while in school. They didn't even like us to bring our Halloween candy to school after it was over.

As an adult I stocked a small amount of candy to give to neighborhood kids who came to my door. In my 40's I adopted my daughter and moved to the suburbs. All of a sudden Halloween loomed much larger in my life. All of the kids participate. In my city, there is at least one entire neighborhood which was dominated by kids walking door to door under the watchful eye of parents who stood back and made sure that cars drove slowly and the kids stayed safe.

The elementary schools in my area make a big deal out of Halloween. Since there is little Christmas, no Columbus Day nor any other sort of celebratory event that the kids can participate in.

I became tired of the whole thing and I was glad that my daughter outgrew the entire things. I do think that Halloween is a pagan leftover in out culture brought to our country from the British Isles (English?, Irish?, Scots-Irish?). I just got tired of the enthusiasm that surrounded Halloween among the kids and in the schools. If we need to play dress up, I like Purim better.
Mikhael ben Avraham

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Jews and Halloween - Can we or can't we?

10/19/2018

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I have a friend who is an Orthodox Jew and her favorite non-Jewish holiday is Halloween. She loves the colors, the decorations, the candy, the spiders, etc. She could choose to be Reform and go with the whole, “It is just an American holiday. No big deal. It’s just letting kids have fun and eat candy.” But that doesn’t express her beliefs. Because she is traditionally observant she does not take her children trick or treating, but she, like her rabbi, leaves candy out in a bowl for those children to arrive at her house seeking a treat.

What do you do when you like something, a lot, that doesn’t fit into your idea of who you are and how you live? First, she acknowledges the truth: Halloween isn’t Jewish. It’s a mix of pagan and Christian elements. And I love it. In my mind it is like someone saying, “I love chocolate, but I prefer not to eat candy so I won’t have any, thank you.” Have you noticed that people don’t like for others to make decisions that they themselves wouldn’t? It as if someone else NOT eating chocolate or NOT observing Halloween is a personal affront.

My friend can still enjoy looking at decorations, reading ghost stories, and she can even wear orange. But she chooses to draw a line. Is that allowed? In America, especially in the liberal bay area, we tend to act as though, “We are totally accepting of everyone… except people who don’t make our same choices.”

If you are among those who make your kids an awesome costume, take them trick or treating, or hand out candy in a costume, enjoy! Honestly, I’ve sown many a costume, dressed up, made graveyard cakes, and handed out candy to loads of cute kids. But I understand my friend’s decision and I respect her right to see life through her own lens. In turn, she accepts the way I live.

Have fun; be true to yourself and patient with those who differ from you.

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Building Your Connection to Judaism and Jewish Community

My Journey to Judaism

What do WE ALL do about Halloween?

Jews and Halloween - Can we or can't we?

Thoughts from our Email List

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