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Is the Christmas Tree an issue?

10/27/2020

14 Comments

 
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I have another question from our curious young woman.
She asked about how Jews by Choice feel about the Christmas tree. Here are her 3 questions.



What do converts know of the origins of the Christmas tree?
Given that it is pagan, would you have one in your home – especially if your kids wanted one? Why or why not.
Do you view a Christmas tree as Christian?



Replies:

There is not a conflict for me as I currently live alone and do not have to consider children.
Yes, of course I view a Christmas tree as Christian! The name is clear, no? Christ-mas tree!
My son and grandsons do celebrate Christmas, largely as a secular holiday, and have a Christmas tree. I enjoy buying them Christmas presents and dining with them that day, but it is clear that I do not celebrate the holiday and my son refers to my gifts as Hanukkah gifts.
Hannah ​

***

Here are a few thoughts about my understanding of Christmas trees:
They originally were put up to celebrate winter solstice, or Yule, or Yuletide, and the days growing longer again after the solstice occurred (a pagan celebration).
 
The Catholic church co-opted these celebrations into Christmas and turned the Yule tree into a Christmas tree, so now it’s basically a Christian-related tree vs. Yule or pagan.
 
Many people see Christmas trees and other Christmas items as “folk” or family traditions instead of religious traditions. I have siblings who are in that camp.
 
I also have Jewish friends who celebrate the holiday season with a Christmas or Yule tree. One Jewish friend hangs a stocking on her fireplace mantle next to her tree, but the stocking has “Happy Hannukah” on it, which I think is kind of funny. I don’t take many of these cross-over things very seriously. To me, almost everything is a form mythology (e.g., Santa Claus, the oil burning 8 nights), and it’s just a matter of which mythology you choose or prefer.
 
My born Jewish wife and I don’t mind “helping” non-Jews celebrate Christmas (such as my siblings) but we don’t celebrate it ourselves and don’t have a tree or other Christmas items -- Chanuka only. Some Jews participate in Christmas activities, as if they didn’t want to “miss out” on the fun, or they see it as a form of “multiculturalism” or “diversity”, but to me Christmas commercialism is so overwhelming, I can’t see it as something that needs further promotion.
 
But again, I don’t take these things as seriously as my wife does. It is interesting to me that some Jews refuse to get stressed about anything pertaining to Christmas while other Jews become seriously depressed about it, as if their “seasonal affected depression” is triggered or made even worse by the Christmas season. My wife tends to fall into that category, especially when it comes to our adult daughter’s husband and in-laws celebrating Christmas, but I try not to go down that path and try to take more of a “live and let live” approach. Again, it’s all mythology of one form or another, and when kids grow up, they will see it all for what it is. I realize that some people have much stronger sentimental attachments to things they did growing up than I do. I tend to be more skeptical and detached. Personalities are all over the map, so it’s easy to make generalizations that are not accurate.
David 


***
I see it as a seasonal symbol, not Jewish but also not specifically Christian. I have no kids but my partner loves to have a tree as a symbol of New Year with no specific religious meaning (c’mon, it’s not a créche!!) so I have no problem with it so far.
Adir
​
***

I love this question.  Here is my far-too-long response!
 
1.  Recognize that for many Jews by choice, the CTI (Christmas Tree Issue) can be as long-lived as a redwood tree and if you are concerned about it now be warned that you might be concerned about it for years to come!  However by the time you finish reading this, maybe not.
 
2.  The Christmas tree being pagan in origin is a point relevant only in a conversation about the pagan origins of things with the few people who can get their mind around what pagan even means.  It's not relevant for Jews who converted from a Christian tradition because of just that, they converted from a Christian tradition, not from a pagan tradition.  
 
3.  The pagan origins of the Christmas tree is also not relevant for two sets of non-Jews:  Christians, who consider it a part of their Christian holiday; and agnostics and atheists who celebrate Christmas as a delightful holiday but who turn a blind eye to the Christian themes.  That last point is easy to do because in fact the Christian themes are secondary to the agnostic-themes such as Santa, santa hats, red and white candy-canes, anything else red and white, reindeer, red noses, antlers, gaily-colored wrapped gifts, red ribbons, anything and everything red and green, holly, snowflakes, robins in the snow, sleighs riding through the snow, snowmen sitting in snow, anything else in the snow, etc etc, and not forgetting mistletoe and yule logs (bringing up the pagan rear guard again).  The fact that Christmas is "supposed" to be anything about Christianity is lost in a blizzard of Christmas-imagery, which are essentially "winter celebration things".
 
4.  Missing from that list above is:  the Christmas tree.  It's such a central point to the Christmas-imagery list that it deserves to be in a list of one all by itself.  A Christmas tree means only one thing, Christmas; its very name says it all.  It doesn't have a darned thing to do with Christianity, but as per above list it has everything to do with Christmas.  
 
5.  For Jewish converts struggling with the CTI, that can be a lot of heavy baggage to drag out of the way on the journey to living-Jewish, a point which is important to Jews by Choice who are sensitive to imagery which either "proves" their Jewishness (like having a menorah in the window) or "proves" their previous non-Jewish background (like having a Christmas tree in the window). 
 
6.  Neither of those things actually prove anything but such imagery is a touchstone which sends out a signal to the Jew by Choice and to everyone else regarding "what that person really is".
 
7.  Having a Christmas tree, if you are a Jew by Choice, sends a mixed signal.  "Who am I?" says that signal.   For yourself, if you converted, then you are a Jew, and having a tree in the living room for 2 weeks of the year will not undo your conversion.  For everyone else looking through the window, it's none of their damned business but if you are troubled by that put the tree away from the window.
 
8.  The Jew by Choice struggling with the CTI may be tempted to claim "it's OK for me to have a Christmas tree because it's pagan in origin", but that would be dishonest (even if it's a factually true statement) since it's not very likely they ever gave paganism a second thought when they had a Christmas tree back in their pre-Jewish days, and it certainly won't convince anyone else looking in as they won't know anything about pagan origins unless they were in that rarified conversation in paragraph 2 above.
 
9.  But having a Christmas tree because your kids want one is a very good reason to have one.  Who says one set of people can't join in the cultural fun of another set of people?   If you lived in a society that keeps to its own, such as Hasidic Jews do, then this and other dilemmas of assimilation don't arise but the fact you are even asking about the CTI suggests you aren't anywhere close to such a society.  The value to the kids in having one may be greater than the value to yourself in not having one.
 
10. So buy the tree and enjoy it and assuage any guilt by blaming the kids.  Then when they grow up stop having one, if the CTI still bothers you.  By then you may have dropped it anyway, or you will have come to realize that having one doesn't actually matter unless you make it matter.  Either way, at that point the CTI will no longer be an issue.
Eliezer

Note: It is a very Western culture viewpoint to see individual expression as of primary importance. Judaism is not an individualistic culture; it is communal. What impacts one Jew, impacts all Jews. We should be thoughtful in what we dismiss as simply for our own happiness.


***

​About Christmas trees -- I don't have one, but I also don't view it as Christian because Christmas is so commercialized nowadays anyway together with all the expected shopping, trees, etc.  It is like red roses for Valentine's Day...
 
I don't have kids, but if I did, I would take this as an opportunities to explain what it is, what it symbolized, etc. with a view of understanding "foreign cultures."  In fact, my father is a daoist.  That was how he explained the Christmas tree and other different religions to me when I was growing up.  It's more of cultural arts/humanities & social studies in our home back in the days.
Binah


What do you know of the origins of the Christmas tree?  
Originally German. Came to England through German rulers. There were early German influences (late 1700’s- early 1800’s) in the US & Canada. The popularity of Christmas trees in Victorian England (1840’+) really cemented the popularity of Christmas trees in America.
 
Given that it is pagan, would you have one in your home 
Pagan origin has nothing to do with it. Do you think that Jews were the first people to blow rams horns or play harps?
We haven’t had one in our home for more than 20 years. Even before that we didn’t place much importance on it. We did go to friends Christmas parties and our daughter went to homes for friends and relatives who had Christmas trees.
 
Do you view a Christmas tree as Christian? 
They are both a Christian thing and, in our era a more cultural item.
Don’t forget that, historically, some American Jews did have Christmas trees. Southern Jews often had them. Alfred Uhry wrote three plays about Southern Jews in his Atlanta Trilogy. In the first two, about assimilated Jews, Driving Miss Daisy and Last Night at Ballyhoo, there are Christmas trees at the parties in the protagonists houses – without stars or creches.
Most of the intermarried families that I know have trees and Christmas parties.
Mikhael

Note: Mikhael is right, most interfaith families have a Christmas tree. This speaks to the intense power and attachment that the tree represents, to Americans (not necessarily Christian) who have had one all their life. We can dismiss this, but we would be foolish to do so. Anything with such a strong emotional impact on humans matters.


***

Christmas trees are of pagan origin. Pagan pretty much means Avodah Zara. Avodah Zara is explicitly forbidden. So no Christmas trees in Jewish homes if you care about biblical commandments. 
Shifra

Note: I am glad Shifra raises this important point as it is often forgotten. The Torah does not say a single word about Christianity because Christianity didn't exist in biblical times. It has a great deal to say about paganism; in fact it rails against paganism. In today's world few Jews feel threatened by pagan practice, however is it biblically forbidden.  Whether you personally accept this it is important to understand that historical and traditional Judaism do! Therefore, know what the teachings say and be prepared to discuss this topic knowledgably. 

14 Comments

I want to start Practicing Judaism NOW!

3/5/2018

0 Comments

 
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I received this inquiry about conversion:
​During the conversion process, how observant can or should one be? What kind of mitzvot can someone do? I can only find Orthodox information and that’s not very helpful in my case. My rabbi is advising me not to wear tallit or hang a mezuzah until after I finish, but why? What are the guidelines for other things? Can I kasher all of my dishes? Can I cover my head when I pray or study? (I have found it helpful to do so before.) Can I say blessings? I’m only a month into the process, but I know a lot and I’m feeling ready to take on some mitzvot.
 
— Ready to Go


Here's my answer. (Share your thoughts in the comments below.)

Dear Ready: Part of becoming a Jew is becoming a member of a community with communal rules. Within every synagogue is a micro-Jewish community that lives by the rules of that group of people and their rabbi and their understanding of Jewish law.
If you have found a rabbi with whom you are comfortable, then trust him/her. Your rabbi is thinking about how you will fit into the community. If you wear a tallit or hang a mezuzah you are signaling other Jews that you are already Jewish. That can be seen as deceptive.
At one month into your study you are gaining a number of facts about Jewish life, i.e., the trappings of Judaism, clothing and home accoutrements, but you do not yet know the mentality of Jewish life, which includes theology, history and culture. Being a Jew is often referred to as being “a member of the tribe.” That is, you are becoming a part of a whole, dedicating yourself to a greater good a bigger family.
You ask about kashering your dishes and also say that you can only find Orthodox information and it is not helpful in your case. I am guessing from that that you are not studying for an Orthodox conversion.
The point of having kosher dishes is to permit traditionally observant Jews to eat in your home. Right now you are eating there just fine, and as a not-yet-Jewish person you do not require kosher dishes. A traditional Jew would not eat in your home now because there is no assurance that you know what you are doing in terms of food buying, handling and preparation.
Either you plan to observe kashrut, in which case you still have a lot to learn before you will be able to maintain your dishes’ kosher status, or you just want to have kosher dishes. If you just want kosher dishes, why? Is it to make you feel more Jewish?
You are at the very beginning of your journey. Slow down and let this precious study time sink in. Right now you are meeting with your rabbi regularly, learning something new each week. Once you become a Jew, it will last for the rest of your life. Embrace this liminal time.
Can you cover your head to pray? Many faiths have this practice. I see no reason you could not do that, but ask your rabbi. It may be that your shul expects men to cover their heads; others expect both men and women to do so.
Can you say blessings? I am guessing that your rabbi is teaching you blessings. You have to say them to learn and practice. If you are asking whether you can say blessings on behalf of the community as the shaliach tzibur (messenger of the community), the answer is usually no. Only a Jew can do that. (This may differ in nontraditional Jewish environments.) But one month of studying has not prepared you for such a responsibility.
In the Mishnah, the rabbis list and discuss the mitzvot. They mention honoring parents, visiting the sick, welcoming guests, comforting mourners and observing Shabbat and the holidays, among many others. There are so many mitzvot you can do that are simply a part of living a decent life.
Judaism focuses on our daily lives; focus on yours. Be cognizant of what you are doing and why. Do you call your mother to see how she is doing? Do you send a note to someone who has lost a loved one? Do you attend services? Do you got to Torah study or find a place to study with others?
The actions you are raising are primarily ones that happen “outside” of yourself — what you wear, what is on your house, the status of your dishes.
Turn your thinking inside. Are you careful to make your actions in keeping with Jewish tradition? Don’t lie, but don’t needlessly blurt out a hurtful truth. Avoid gossip. Look for ways to help those less fortunate than yourself. Do these things mindfully. It will be rewarding and begin connecting you to your Jewish practice and emerging identity.

0 Comments

Tips on telling Catholic family that you're converting to Judaism

11/29/2016

1 Comment

 
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A young person converting to Judaism asked for suggestions on how to tell their parents and grandparents that they are leaving Catholicism. 

Here are the responses of three Jews by choice.

A monk at the Graduate Theological Union Franciscan school told me about one of his students who converted to Judaism because she wanted to share the same religion as Jesus. That could be seen as a logical next step for some Christians who love and honor Jesus, no?
 
 
This is a hard decision to make if he was raised Catholic, as I was.
My suggestions is make sure he can justify his reasons for converting, then invite them to a life cycle event, wedding, baby naming, Hanukkah, etc. include them to his Jewish world.
The last thing they want is to lose him, by including them means they are not losing him but gaining another culture.
Be sure he is prepared for the worst, they may be very hurtful, be strong in his conviction.
Start with the person that he thinks will understand and go from there.
It's not easy but if he feels strongly about the decision to convert and he has a supportive family they will accept his decision.

 
 
1. I wonder if he has any siblings whose life choices would make his decision look good by comparison? (That’s one factor that helped me with my parents.)
2. Many Christians admire the “Old Testament” as a sort of “Grandparent” religious text (as in, “He’s going with the grandparents’ faith.”)
3. Any scientists in the family? Tenets such as Immaculate Conception, Resurrection, and “Son of God” (aren’t we all sons and daughters of God?) are hard for scientists to reconcile with Christianity.


1 Comment

How do I know if Judaism is the right new faith for me?

3/2/2016

0 Comments

 
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This question came from a woman to the Mixed and Matched column in the J-weekly.

I was raised Christian and had terrible experiences in my church, including abuse. I am still a spiritual person and want a faith community. I married a Jewish guy who is very low-key about religious practice but does belong to a synagogue. I’d like to explore Judaism, but I can’t commit to converting. Can I talk to the rabbi about this, or is that not appropriate? — Ex-Christian spiritual seeker


Here is the answer  Feel free to share your own comments in the comment section below.


Dear Seeker: Please accept my sincere sorrow that you suffered abuse at the hands of those you trusted. No clergy members of any faith should harm those who trust them; that is a crime. You, perhaps even more than someone who does not have your history, need and deserve a place of spiritual nurturance. Such an environment has the potential to be very healing.
It is completely appropriate to talk with a rabbi about this. Rabbis are trained in pastoral care and interact with many non-Jewish people daily.
You don’t have to be Jewish to be part of the synagogue community. Go to services, but as a tourist. In other words, don’t expect to understand everything. Take in the ambiance, the music, the cheerful sense of community. Think of the experience as you would a vacation; the street signs are in another language and the people all speak that language, but it is still an interesting, beautiful and fun place to explore.
Take comfort in knowing there is one eternal creative force, and that force is everywhere — in synagogues, churches, mosques, beaches, your own kitchen.
In Isaiah it says, “My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples.” These words are sometimes found on the walls of synagogues. This does not mean that only after converting are people welcome to pray there. It means anyone who is seeking the consolation of prayer can come in and pray. Once you get to know some of the members at the synagogue, you will find that other people have a variety of reasons for being there.
You say you want to explore Judaism without committing to conversion. That’s fine; all the rabbis I know would not accept anyone who walked in and said, “Convert me.” The expectation is that you must learn what Judaism is about before you can know whether it is right for you. I like to say, date us before you commit to marriage.
It would be nice if you asked your husband to accompany and support you, but if you want to start exploring on your own, you certainly can. Tell him that you want to better understand his religion and are going to move forward with your learning.
Discuss with the rabbi the avenues your shul offers to learn more about Jewish theological and spiritual teachings. There are classes at a number of Bay Area synagogues and Jewish community centers that cover basic Judaism and are open to anyone. Your rabbi can help you find one that is expressly for people coming to the topic with little to no knowledge. You’ll find a classroom of adult students who may become some of your new and dearest friends. There is nothing like the shared experience of learning! What surprises you also will surprise fellow students. You are all new to the ideas raised.
Judaism encourages questions. In fact, Judaism teaches that you must not study alone, because you can easily fall victim to believing your own conclusions are always right. You need others to question you and to reveal what you did not see.
Certainly you can read on your own. Here again, your rabbi will have suggestions for books that meet your particular needs. Be bold, and ask if you can meet with him or her once a month to discuss what you are learning. A rabbi will not want to pressure you, so you must speak up. Trust me, the rabbi will be delighted that you want to have such a deep learning experience.

0 Comments

 I want to convert - should I look for a Jewish spouse first?

11/2/2015

1 Comment

 
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One Jew by choice replies:


If you want to convert, you should do it for you. Why wait? I think it would be important in that situation to think about your impending conversion when dating (Do I want to only date Jews? What kind of Jewish life do I want and is this someone who will be interested in sharing this journey with me?) But why wait?

1 Comment

Why Blood Sacrifice?

1/20/2014

0 Comments

 
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We received this question from a reader and felt that it should be answered by a rabbi.  Rabbi Adar kindly supplied an answer.

Question:

I have a question: why blood (sacrifices) at all? – since G-d forgives whenever people repent (teshuvah). There are numerous examples in the Tanach which proves that G-d forgave people without them having to bring a sacrifice.

It seems that teshuvah is the condition, necessary and sufficient meanwhile.

Answer:

You are a careful reader of Tanakh - very good!

In fact, God does indeed forgive people without blood sacrifices. The sacrifices described in Leviticus were given to us because of our need to make sacrifices; God never needed them. With the destruction of the Temple in the year 70, we moved to a better kind of sacrifice, sacrifices of prayer. Today we pray on the same schedule that once was the schedule for the sacrifices. That is why we say the Amidah prayer several times a day; it is our "sacrifice."

This is also the reason that we in the Reform Movement of Judaism do not look for a rebuilding of the Temple. We believe its work is complete; there is no need for blood sacrifices today.

And yes, teshuvah is what we need in order to be forgiven. The prayers within the Amidah move us towards teshuvah. In fact, one of them (in the weekday prayer) is very specific about teshuvah, but the other prayers in the great Prayer work to make our hearts more inclined to make teshuvah, to turn to goodness.

Thank you for an excellent question. L'shalom, Rabbi Ruth Adar


0 Comments

I'm Underage, Can I Convert?

3/6/2013

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​Question:  I need help trying to convert to Judaism. I'm 17. 

Answer: I am afraid you are under age.  No rabbi will work with you without your parents' consent.  So you have two choices, talk to your parents and see if they will agree to meet with the rabbi with you or just read and learn until you are old enough to see a rabbi on your own.  The rabbi I consulted agreed that you need to be AT LEAST 18 years old before a rabbi will meet with you.

0 Comments

New Question: I see Conservative and Orthodox Jewish people around me. If I convert will my life change even if I have a Reform conversion?

1/18/2012

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A reader posed this question and we sent it to our email list. Here are some answers.

Answer #1:  What changed the most is that I am now part of something much larger than myself:  I am part of the Jewish People, for better and for worse.  Honestly, nearly everything about my life changed, but not all at once.  I am the same person I was before but my relationship to most of my world has changed dramatically.


Conversion to Judaism was like finding a lost part of myself, and it took time for all the pieces to come together -- really, they are still coming together, because Judaism well lived is a lifetime journey.  Sure, my eating habits changed and my Saturdays are different, but the deeper changes came in the ways I relate to other people and even to myself.  
Periodically something I read or a sermon I hear will cause me to examine the way in which I live a certain mitzvah.  For instance, after hearing a sermon I decided that I needed to take better care of my body, which led to changes in my eating and exercise.  I am a "conflict avoider" but I know I am commanded to make peace -- genuine peace, not fake peace! -- so I am much more likely to deal with problems than in the past.
I worry about different things:  I am very careful not to embarrass anyone.  That was not on my radar twenty years ago!  All these changes have made me a happier person.  I knew I wanted to be a Jew; I did not realize, going in, how much it would challenge me and how rewarding the changes would be.
I have received much, much more than I have given up, but in truth, there are some things that will always be a bit of an effort for me.  (I miss pork -- ridiculous but true.) 

However, I've never been sorry that I came home to Judaism, not for a moment.



Answer #2:  I would say to this woman very seriously that her life will change no more and no less than she wants it to. Becoming Jewish is like coming home - it's not a matter of pushing yourself to look like someone else, it's a matter of growing so that you can look like *you*, so you can find that sweet spot where you are the person you know you were meant to be. I find that idea makes the superficial outside changes (will I keep kosher, will I cover my hair, what-have-you), so much less scary. Because *you* are in control, it's not change being forced on you. And it's not an on-off switch, your life can look as different or as similar as you want, and each day you can choose something new. 


Answer #3:  Since my conversion and bar mitzvah, my life has changed in several ways. I find myself thinking as if I have always been Jewish. I may not have the cultural experiences that born Jews have, but my soul seems Jewish to me. When I read passages from Torah, the stories are from my family history. Sarah is my mother. Abraham is my father. Israel is my home. I feel intimately connected to the stories. Before my conversion, I was a "ger". A stranger on the outside looking in. Also, when I look at life, I look at it from a Jewish perspective. "Oy" is an essential part of my personal vocabulary.

        In my daily life, I attempt to keep as kosher as my life situation allows. I don't eat meat (from mammals) with dairy and I use separate plates when eating dairy. I find myself looking at what I eat and consciously deciding if it is "fit" for my consumption. I tend to lean towards the "eco-kosher" movement. Not only do I want to avoid eating things Torah doesn't permit, I want to support agricultural systems that are sustainable and humane.

        Since my bar mitzvah, I have taken to wearing a kippah all the time--even at work. This has been the biggest impact in my life. It identifies me publicly as a Jew and thus makes me more conscious of my conduct. I want my actions to reflect positively upon the community. One wonderful thing about being visibly Jewish is that it invites curious people to learn about Judaism and its people. I see those invitations to be teachable moments where misunderstandings can be cleared up and people's horizons to be broadened. Even in my own family, my relatives ask questions about what it means to me to be Jewish. I wouldn't say that I'm perfectly Jewish, but I'm working on it.


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