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A Jew by Choice talks about Israel-Hamas War

1/24/2024

I have received several replies to the email I shared previously. This woman asked me to add her comments to the discussion. Here they are, from Sarah.

Hamas and its sponsor, Iran, are keenly aware that non-Arab opinion sides with the underdog. That is why they have spent DECADES patiently building The Big Lie, the lie started by the Mufti of Jerusalem in the 1940s, the idea that Israel is an invading, oppressive aggressor, rather than a tiny beleaguered state surrounded by bitter enemies. This narrative, that Israel is the Big Bad, framed in classic new-Marxist terminology, has become embedded in the worldview of the West. It’s a lie, but not only does no one challenge it, even Jews are bamboozled by it. I despair of convincing my fellow Jews, let alone non-Jews, to look at the real history of the region, to see how Iran has been building this war since 1974. FIFTY YEARS, people. Our short attention span in the West is our undoing. We are not used to the idea of no compromise, of a hatred spread and deliberately cultivated for *generations*, of a rejection of every value the West holds dear. Most dangerous of all is the West shrugging off the entire conflict as a conflict between two religions they don’t share or care about. It’s remote. It’s “over there”. It’s not urgent. What the West does not know, and will not be told by its politicians or media, is that this conflict in Gaza is the *beginning*. This is the opening salvo in a war promoted and funded in Tehran, intending not just to erase Israel but every non-Islamic person, culture, and interest in Arab lands.

First they come for the Jews. No one will help Israel. When it falls, they will come for Christians, both in the Middle East and any country in Europe that offends Tehran. By the time America wakes up, it will be too late and we will be in a world war. World War I began with a single shot. World War III began on October 7, 2023. We just haven’t realized it yet.

I’m not afraid. I’m furious. I’m frustrated. And disgusted at the blind ignorance of America and Europe. Our liberal civilization is under attack by medieval Jihadists—and we defend them. They must find us hilariously naïve.

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Viewing the War in Israel as a Jew by Choice

1/17/2024

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I received this email from a Jew by Choice struggling with the news from the Middle East:

As a convert I have been struggling mightily due to the crisis in Israel and Gaza. I am utterly horrified at what Hamas did, as more and more hateful stories are emerging. The inhumanity of what they did is deeply personal; I can barely read about it anymore. The Israeli response has been more impersonal yet equally horrifying.

I wonder if I were not a convert, would I feel differently? A man I know is deeply frightened. He is not observant, but is a Jew. I do not feel as threatened, and I feel angry at the Israeli government for its incomprehensibly inhumane actions; he is not so angry. Is that because I am a convert? Do I not identity as deeply as he does as a Jew, and/or am not as vulnerable as he is because I could deny being a Jew to save my life

A huge part of the pain also is that what I cherish about Judaism is being trashed. I don’t know how to hold what I love of Judaism as I see what the Israeli government is doing. Is there is anything that you know of that I could read that might help?

My reply:
you are having the reaction that so many Americans are feeling. It is horror upon horror. After a brief sympathy for Israel the world’s mood quickly changed. Jewish news anticipated that. It has happened before. Arab culture does not have the concept of "turning the other cheek" or "the meek shall inherit the earth". To be weak is to be a fool and Arab culture is a very macho mentality. It is so alien to Americans; we quickly side with whoever we see as the underdog.

I suggest you subscribe to some Israeli media. There is so little that is getting into American news coverage and next to nothing about what is really going on.
Try starting with these online news outlets.
Times of Israel
https://www.timesofisrael.com/
JTA – Jewish Telegraph Agency
https://www.jta.org

Try to find Israelis on Facebook, What’s App or Instagram to get a first hand viewpoint. I follow several Black Israelis. In our liberal mindedness, seeing a minority with in a minority may help one to be more open to their words.

Isn’t it easy to end the war?
The war would be over in a second if Hamas and Hezbollah would stop bombing Israel - which continues daily, but they won't. The Hamas charter states that it is dedicated to the destruction of Israel and the death of Jews. There's no compromising with people who only want one thing: for you to be dead. Are you aware of what "from the river to the sea" means? The river is on one side of Israel, the sea on the other. It means total destruction.  Yes, people are trying to make this sentence seem neutral; but having heard this before, Israelis know it calls for their complete annihilation.

It might help you to separate the Gazan people from their overlords, Hamas. Hamas is as brutal to them as they are to everyone else. They shoot Gazans who attempt to get to the aid trucks. A Hamas leader said on TV that the aid trucks are only for the fighters; anyone who tries to steal the food will be killed. I have tremendous grief for the citizens, but they will not be free until Hamas is gone. I follow a number of Arab Israelis & a couple Arabs and they call out the murders among the Gazan population visited on them by Hamas. If any of them are ever caught, Hamas will kill them too. We don't see this on American news.

You could read (or listen to the podcast) of The Sin of Moral Equivalence by Sam Harris. Very informative.
And this video about the changes in the Middle East.
In this video a hostage tells her story.

It is true that most white Americans don't have the inherited PTSD of born Jews. Jews know that entire countries will turn on them and destroy them. Have your ancestors been in that position? Science has revealed that these more subtle emotional memories are inherited just like the color of your hair, not in your genes but in the tissue around the genes. There has never been a generation of Jews that were not subjected to some horror. I had honestly thought that my children would be the first generation. But, no.

I saw a naive young woman on TV say, "I'm a queer for Palestine. I'm sure there are queers in Palestine and I'm here for them." I thought to myself, I bet there were queers; but they are dead. Homosexuality is punishable by death under Hamas. Period.

I don't know if you have read about the extreme sexual brutality they have used on women - rape and more. I am 100% against rapists. Those are not freedom fighters, they are monsters. I don't know if you've heard the survivors who talked about hearing women raped and then killed. Terrorists put a baby in an oven, turned it on and left. The IDF found the remains. Many Jews are well aware that they could be killed simply for being a Jew – even here in America. The IDF put together a film that they are showing to a select few on the atrocities.

Another thing about being an American is that we don't know many people serving in our own military. In Israel EVERYONE does. They are their brothers, sisters, cousins, and sons. Do you know anyone who has lost loved ones? I do. Get to know some Israelis. One of my friend's sons is identifying the dead Israelis using DNA and other scientific methods - the bodies are beyond recognition - burned, beheaded, dismembered. When this is happening to your family it's impossible to not be afraid.

Meanwhile people who sit safely in America say "ceasefire!" How? Do you know? Have you ever read Aesop's Fable, Belling the Cat? It's easy to tell other people what to do as long as you don't have to do it yourself.

Did you hold onto what you loved about America while Trump was president and was jailing children without their parents? The head of a country is not its people. Netanyahu is a bastard and he gets reelected because he plays on the innate fear of the people. What would change if every country in the world suddenly said, Israel has a right to exist and we will not let its enemies destroy it. What if the Arab countries opened their borders and took in their brethren, housed, fed and healed them? Are you aware that Israel has NOT occupied Gaza since 2005 when they forcibly removed all their citizens from the area? I was there that summer. There was tremendous political disagreement, but it got done. There is NO OCCUPATION. When Hamas came into control, Egypt built a wall on their border with Gaza and shot anyone trying to enter Egypt from Gaza. You don't hear about that.

There were Gazans who worked in Israel and on October 7 they called their employers in fear for their lives. One Israeli man told his guys - HIDE. But Hamas found them and killed them.
A young Gazan man who was interviewed on TV said there is no work in Gaza except to dig the tunnels. He said, "We are digging our own graves. The tunnels collapse on us and we are buried alive."
There are recordings of phone conversations in which Hamas terrorists ask where to get gas and are told to go to the hospital - that's where it's being stored.
The IDF has found Gazan children's schools and care facilities with booby traps in the toys. I've seen the films. But only on Israeli or BBC sources. The American media doesn't show it.

Would you put down your arms in this hell? I wouldn't.

I hope this isn't too much for you. I have personally lived in fear. I've lived in hiding and not even for being a Jew. I believe that people are capable of hurting me. I can't be dispassionate about this.
If you identified as Jewish in Gaza they would kill you. They wouldn't care how sympathetic you are.

I understand what you are saying about the horror of children dying. What you may not be able to take in is that Hamas will continue killing Gazans as they see fit. Are you aware that when Israel drops leaflets (and more actions) to warn Gazans to leave as they will be bombing the area, that Hamas does not allow them to leave and shoots them if they try? Bombed families make for very sympathetic TV stories for Hamas.

When one feels that something is intolerable there is a desperate need to shout STOP! But what if only one side stops? Is that enough? No, not for the Gazan children.

If you can think of a way to turn this around, PLEASE SPEAK UP! Just saying "ceasefire" isn't sufficient. So far, no one has a solution, including the USA. Just stopping will simply give Hamas the delight of knowing that their methods are working and they can continue on their path of destruction. The countries that could bring real pressure to bear on the situation are the local Muslim countries. They are weighing their options because the big ones have figured out that doing business with Israel will bring them greater wealth. But they don't want to appear to support Israel too much. Saudi Arabia, Egypt and the United Arab Emirates are making behind the scenes attempts to create financial partnerships with Israel. Guess what one of the things they want is!? Tourism!!! From Israelis!!! I know two Jews who have been advising them.

Try to grasp how helpless the Israelis are. Since no one will help them, the general feeling is: Between the choice of being a pitied dead Jew or a reviled living Jew, I'll take life.

I think in your despair is a hope/belief that if Israel ceased responding to the bombings and terror attacks of Hamas going on in Israel daily, that magically, all would suddenly be well for the Gazan people. It's just not that simple.

One thing that I've read over and over again is that the Jews are resilient, that we will stick together and the Jews, as a People, will live on. This is such a moving message in my mind – how, a people that has been persecuted for thousands of years goes on instead of assimilating. It's not an individualistic viewpoint, as Americans have, but a communal one. Am Israel Chai. Here's an article from JTA that expresses this concept very powerfully.

Does this clarify things at all? My dad was a conscientious objector in WWII and committed to the belief that violence solves nothing. But when he spoke to a Holocaust survivor he had nothing to offer him. When someone desires only your death, there is no conversation to be had.

The Bay Area is a bubble - here there is a tremendous population of "liberal" anti-Semites. An Oakland rabbi who returned recently from volunteering in Israel said that Israelis, hearing where he was from, asked, "Are you OK?" Wow, we're world renowned for anti-Semitism. Do we dare to refuse to go along with this massive majority?

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How is the War in Israel Impacting Us?

10/29/2023

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Earlier this week I sent out this email:

Beloved friends,

This is a difficult time. Israel is at war and Jews around the world are upset. What I have read over and over again in the communications from Israel is that the Israeli population is determined and resilient. We must imitate that and learn to be resilient also.

A Jew by choice called me and told me he is feeling anxious and vigilant. He said, “Is it OK that I feel this way? I wasn’t born Jewish.”
I told him OF COURSE. You have cast your lot with the Jewish family. You are in this too. You feel the pain, the fear, the desire to help, the need to be among other Jews.
He said, “But I’ve never even been to Israel.”
I told him thousands of Jews have never been to Israel, but we still love the homeland of our people.

When a seeker approaches a rabbi about conversion one of the topics EVERY rabbi addresses is anti-Semitism. It truly is a concept that you can’t fully grasp until you are a Jew. You begin to note all the slights that are spoken, the casual demeaning jokes that you don’t find funny. You realize how pervasive and dangerous it is. I spoke to a rabbi yesterday who said, “Anti-Semitism is always there. Sometimes it is concealed, but it comes back.” I am becoming aware of how true this is.

How are you doing?
Are you anxious? Have you been able to seek out community and feel embraced?
Go to services. Receive and give comfort. Give your rabbi a warm word; they are working to comfort the entire congregation.

Do you need resources for talking to your children? Look here.
I’ve listed a number of resources here for how to assist Israel and how to get reliable news.

In this email I asked people to let me know what THEY are feeling.
Here are some replies ---

Thank you for sending this out.
My choice to convert in June 2011 was deepened by my visit to Israel October 2022 and my Adult Bat Mitzvah in December 2023.
As a Convert I am still new to blatant anti-Semitism that others easily recognize.

It can be hard to see it without a family history.
I appreciate the updates.
- Chaya

It is with a heavy heart that I write you this email. As we continue to read the horror of news coming out of Israel and the war. I echo Rabbi David Wolpe's comment as reported on an October 9th New York Times article:
Like others, he said he feared what lay ahead, and the likelihood that the toll would grow. “As a human being, and as a rabbi, the last thing I want to see is innocents dying for the decisions of their leaders,” he said.
I too, feared the amount of innocents dying for the decisions of their leaders.
I have been living in Europe, the epicenter of the Holocaust during WWII for almost a decade now, I can ascertain anti-semitism is real and always there. Think the new testament bible’s claims that Jesus was disowned and eventually killed by Jews, and even Shakespeare has his own depiction of the Jew Shylock that get immortalized by The Merchant of Venice... Anti-semitism just comes to the forefront into mainstream movement whenever there are social/economic stress.

As you mentioned anti-semitism is a part study during the conversion process. Personally, my peek into anti-semitism was back in the college time long before I started the conversion process. My response to the born-Jew or convert has always been -- When anti-semitism knocks on the door, it doesn't ask whether you are born-Jew or convert, right? So, we collectively have a voice in this.
- Binah Rut

I have no relatives in Israel, other than the family-by-adoption that all of us converts have. My friends need my unqualified support as they mourn and pray for lost loved ones in the south of Israel.
I have been marching and praying and rallying. My feet are worn out. I thought I’d hung up my marching shoes after the BLM protests a few years ago; I’ve been doing this for over half a century and hoped I could pass on the torch. But this is not a fight I can shirk.

As for how I am? I am furious. My first reaction was shock and grief, but that was quickly followed by a volcanic rage. I want to smite someone. Put a member of Hamas within my reach, and I will grant him the martyrdom he so desires. I am appalled, but in no way surprised, at the silence from my liberal friends; antisemitism runs deep in the DNA of all American politics, including the Left. Most of the time I can work around it, but right now I am discovering who my true friends are. Those who stay silent, and those who are trying to promote some kind of false moral equivalency between Hamas and Israel, are losing my friendship.

Otherwise, I am exhausted. And frustrated by some of the local rabbis, who seem to be more concerned with their religious schisms than with Israel. And they are utterly and completely clueless about how to raise the sympathies of the non-Jewish American people.
I hope all my friends and fellow converts are faring well. May God be with us all and Israel.

Am Yisrael chai
- Sarah Hineni

Thanks for the email. It is so difficult watching and feeling hopeless!
Shalom!
- David

This spoke to me:
Lamentations 5:15:
The joy of our heart is ceased; our dance has turned into mourning.
- Deah Zamar

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Best Books for Beginners

8/18/2023

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A frequent question from those just beginning to explore Judaism is, What book(s) should I read? Of course there are so many answers. But let me share Congregation Beth Sholom of San Francisco's list (with permission from their rabbi, Rabbi Amanda Russell)

Judaism 101: Recommended Reading List
This list was created with Introduction to Judaism students in mind, but can serve as a resource to any Jew-curious individuals.

Our Coursebook:
On One Foot, Rabbi Adam Greenwald
Aleph Isn’t Tough: An Introduction to Hebrew for Adults, Linda Motzkin

For more Information about Judaism
Living Judaism, Wayne D. Dosick
A Short History of the Jewish People, Raymond P. Scheindlin
Jewish Literacy, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
The Book of Jewish Values, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
Here All Along, Sarah Hurwitz

For Your Personal Journey
Choosing a Jewish Life, Anita Diamant
Living a Jewish Life, Anita Diamant
The How To Handbook for Jewish Living, Kerry M Olitzky and Ronald H Isaacs
I Am Jewish, ed. Judea and Ruth Pearl
The Book of Life, Michael Strassfeld

Jewish Prayer
A Guide to Jewish Prayer, Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz
My People’s Prayerbook, Rabbi Lawrence Hoffman
Entering Jewish Prayer, Reuven Hammer
Making Prayer Real, Rabbi Mike Comins

Theology and God
I and Thou, Martin Buber
Sacred Fragments, Neil Gillman
God in Search of Man, Abraham Joshua Heschel
When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Harold Kushner
The Jewish Approach to God: A Brief Introduction for Christians, Neil Gillman

Holidays and Shabbat
The Sabbath, Abraham Joshua Heschel
The Jewish Holidays, Michael Strassfeld
This is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared, Rabbi Alan Lew
My Jewish Year, Abigail Pogrebin

Women in Judaism
Engendering Judaism, Rachel Adler
Standing Again at Sinai, Judith Plaskow
Sisters at Sinai, Rabbi Jill Hammer

Spirituality and Wellness
A Responsible Life, Rabbi Ira Stone
Be Still and Get Going, Rabbi Alan Lew
The Wisdom of Not Knowing, Estelle Franke

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March 31st, 2023

3/31/2023

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Let's address what is going on in that very land to which Moses took us: Israel.
Throughout the USA, Jews have been angered, distressed and horrified by the actions of the new rightwing government. One after another synagogues have been gathering members to discuss the situation and what American Jews can do to retain Israel’s democracy. I listened to an excellent teaching by Fred Rosenbaum (offered through Under One Tent out of the Contra Costa JCC). I feel better informed. I have worried that Israel will take after America and the MAGA movement. I feel clearer about what I personally can do. Have a look yourself if you like. Here’s the link.

Our local Bay Area Jewish newspaper, the J-Weekly has covered a number of stories about the protests of American Jews and Israelis against the right wing government in Israel.
I enjoyed this speech by an American rabbi, Rabbi Sharon Brous of Ikar on a trip to Israel, stating that we American Jews stand with our Israeli brothers and sisters in their struggle to hold onto their democracy.
Having lived through four years of Trump and MAGA I am praying for both Israel and America. I believe in Democracy – with all the checks and balances.

Israel is the homeland of the Jews - all Jews. Just like family, we may be angry or upset with our loved ones, but they are still our family.

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Our Non-Jewish Names

1/26/2023

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I previously shared an article by a Jew by Choice whose given name is Chris. I asked if folks had notably NON-Jewish names and whether that hampered them in Jewish environments. Here are some replies.

My name means a lot to me. My mom chose it for me. I love the Jewish name I chose too but my English name is so much a part of me. To my mom, I am and always will be the name she gave me.

A new doctor I saw recently noticed my Jewish star necklace and asked me if I were Jewish. We chatted about it for a bit. I told him I was a Jew by Choice. He asked me questions. I don't mind answering them. It seems to come naturally to me. He seemed to have a lot of respect for my choice.

New neighbors moved in across the hall and the woman asked me if I were Jewish and referenced my mezuzah. I said yes and she said so are we!!! Yaaay! She said she would like to do Shabbat some time. How wonderful!
Shira

**

Try looking my name up in Hebrew! I’ll just say that it’s a “bad word.” Fortunately I don't know that many Jews who are sufficiently conversant in the language. I chose Yona (dove) for my Hebrew name.
Yona

**

My surname is Ireland. It is an Irish name; both Catholics and Protestants have it.

I understand how hard it is to be part of a community often enough under siege. It is hard to extend a welcome to strangers, and so as I have said, problems can happen involving trust.

The Jewish community is not the only one leery of outsiders. The Irish community is as well, though some may not realize it. It is due to its history, even extending to folk memories of events happening in 1658, when Cromwell invaded Ireland. During the next year, about a third of the Irish starved to death, were murdered, or sold into slavery in the Caribbean. I have those memories, because my mother comes from an Irish Catholic background.

I feel compassion for those threatened in the presence of an outsider, but also hurt due to experiences years back with Jewish peers, and also with Irish American political groups.

The name for this kind of distrust is PTSD.

It is a rare event to meet someone who understands how to say, stand down soldier, at ease, I will never hurt you.

That's a gift. Sure, someone like that might seem to be bending over backwards to extend an undeserved olive branch to someone who has done grievous harm. For example the Irish Protestant actor Stephen Rea, married a woman who was once a member of the IRA, and was arrested for a failed bombing attempt. Fortunately, she and her sister were apprehended.

Pretty bad decision on Stephen Rea's part or, maybe to understand much is to forgive much, even when it does not look possible.

There is someone on the other side of your fear of strangers, however justified and they may not be out to get you. We all need to give that some thought.
Ruth Ora

**

My full Hebrew name is Sarah Hineni bat Avram Aveinu v'Sarah Imenu. When I am called up for an aliyah, I get questions about it. I tell them this story.

My parents were working in Germany on a contract when my mom became pregnant with me. This was in the 1950s, when there were plenty of ex-Nazis around; also, if I'd been born in Germany I might have been subject to German conscription laws. So my mom came back to the States to have me, and my dad stayed on to finish out his contract. When I was born, my grandfather sent a telegram to the hotel where my dad was living. Dad went downstairs to the bar and ordered a round for the house to celebrate. All the Germans were toasting him, when the bartender asked him, "What is your daughter's name?" My father proudly replied, "Her name is Sarah." The bartender gasped in astonishment and said, "But that is ein Judisher namen!" (That is a Jewish name!) The bartender and everyone else in the room was scandalized.

I like to say that that bartender was prescient. At the time, and for many decades afterwards, I was NOT a Jew. There are no Jews anywhere in my family tree (although there are plenty of Sarahs). So when it came time for me to choose a Hebrew name, I saw no point in discarding a perfectly good one, especially one which had so irritated a bunch of ex-Nazis. So I added "Hineni", "I am here", as my second name. Therefore I am "Sarah Hineni bat Avram Aveinu v'Sarah Imenu" in the Tribe.
Sarah Hineni

**

It would be hard to get more WASPY sounding than my English name! But to be honest I have never had any questions re: my name not sounding Jewish. My conversion city of Indianapolis, IN was comprised of a large number of Interfaith and Converts. However, in FL where I now live many are native born Ashkenazi Jews from NYC. But never had any questions about my name as I mingle with others at Shul!

My Hebrew name is to honor my Father whose was name David and also, King David. Like King David I have fallen short on a great number of times. I just keep on keeping on!
David

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What if your name isn't "Jewish"?

1/18/2023

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(Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash)

I’m not interested in fussing at Jews for being baffled by “Christian” names like Christopher and Mary or, Muslim names like Ali and Fatima and all the other names that are associated with non-Jewish culture. I do want to deal with the self consciousness that some converts feel about their given name.

I’ve been told about the embarrassment of being called out for being a Khristin or a McDonald. First or last names can be questioned in a Jewish environment.

First, why is this so common? Jews have been restricted by non-Jewish societies from mixing with the larger population for thousands of years. Jewish communities were constantly in danger of being assaulted. Living with that kind of fear has led to Jews developing alertness to potential danger from ‘the other’. Thus any indicator – including a name – could warn Jews to be on the defensive. At times this led to Jews from different communities to even suspect each other.

When someone named John Christianson sits in a synagogue, Jews around him may wonder whether he could be checking them out for an attack. As recently as January 15, 2022 a strange man entered the synagogue at Colleyville, TX and held congregants hostage. My point here is, cut congregants some slack; they are coming from a place of anxiety. Unfortunately things are not getting any better so building fear is going to fuel the suspicions. Note this article about the current state of antisemitism in the USA.

It isn’t just converts to Judaism that are questioned. My friend, Dan McClosky discussed his last name and its role in his life at his adult bar mitzvah. If you are on Facebook you can hear his comments here,
Jump to 1:35 for Dan’s speech.

My point? Don’t think you are alone. This is a COMMON unpleasant occurrence in Jewish life.

A couple Jewish Chrises
I recently read an article by a Jew by choice discussing his name, Chris, here.

Not being much of an ESPN watcher I didn’t know who Chris Berman was until he was inducted into the Jewish Sports Hall of Fame.

What can you do about having a non-Jewish name?
Let’s face it, you can change it! If you’d prefer to use your Hebrew name, a name you got to pick for yourself, you can. I’ve even accompanied a friend to his court hearing where he legally changed his name.
I have another friend whose name was Egyptian. He chose to simply switch to going by his Hebrew name. He certainly “looked” Semitic, since he is, and decided to blend in.

However, you may love your given name. It may have been chosen by someone you love. Or you may be named after a relative to whom you are close. In this case you need to decide how you want to respond to that probing question, “How can you be Jewish with that name?”

I suggest you decide beforehand how you want to handle these inappropriate questions. Don’t be caught by surprise.

You can be quite direct, “Wow, you don’t even know me and you’re working to offend me!”
You can turn the tables, “Where did you get YOUR name?”
You can sidestep, “What makes you ask that? Are you concerned about my identity?”
You can just roll your eyes and walk away.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation.

On the other hand, some people do love to tell their conversion story. They want to enlighten the asker and broaden the person’s understanding of who is a Jew. If you are one of these people, enjoy! But please add that not everyone is as happy to answer as you are and that politeness requires that the questioner refrain from asking this of others.

Now, tell me where YOU stand?
Do you like to tell your story?
Do you feel affronted by these types of questions?
How have you handled different sorts of questioners?

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A few fun things for Hanukkah

12/21/2022

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Are you tired of the song, I Make a Little Dreidel? I am! My current favorite Hanukkah song is Ochos Kandelikas. This version is sung by Pink Martini and I received the link from Jewtina, an organization that supports Jews of Hispanic heritage.

December with it's cold weather in Northern America seems to beg for baking. What are you making? Some traditional favorites, with recipes are these:

Latkes? My favorite recipe here.
Sufganiyot? A good recipe here.
Bimuelos? My recipe here.

Wishing you warmth and light in the cold and dark!

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Acceptance (or not) of converts by Orthodox rabbis

6/15/2022

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I read the following communication on a Chabad website where people were asking questions about conversion.

QUESTION: "I know that ultra-Orthodox Jews do not think of converts as fully Jewish, although I did go to mikvah as well as do all the other things for my conversion."

ANSWER: Where could you have possibly gotten this idea from??? I'm shocked to hear someone is saying such things. If you had a conversion according to Jewish law, then everyone accepts that you are 100% Jewish. If your conversion was not according to halacha, then every possible type of Orthodox Jew doesn't believe that you are even partially Jewish.

The problem in your case may be that if you didn't have a rabbi that believes in the absolute binding nature of Torah law upon every Jew, then he cannot bind you to the Torah either. That is part of Jewish law, and at least as important as mikvah.

What I found particularly interesting is the last paragraph, stating that if the rabbi who converts you does not believe “in the absolute binding nature of Torah law upon every Jew, then he cannot bind you to the Torah either. That is part of Jewish law, and at least as important as mikvah.”

This answers the question, why don’t Orthodox rabbis accept the converts from other movements. I have always told people that it isn’t about them, it’s about their rabbi. It is important that a seeker understand that when they pick a sponsoring rabbi they are also picking that rabbi’s stream of Judaism.

I am also struck by the questioner’s comment that some see him as not “fully Jewish.” That is a very non-Jewish concept. Being Jewish is one of those yes or no states of being. You can’t be sort of Jewish. That said, many people entertain the idea of being partially Jewish.

What are your thoughts? Did you pick your sponsoring rabbi with the knowledge that you were picking their branch of Judaism?
Do you think of some people as partly Jewish?
Do you ever think of yourself as partly Jewish?
What do you think of the idea that Torah law is absolutely binding on every Jew – whether they abide by it or not.

***
Here's a conversation that resulted from sending this out in an email to all my Jews by Choice.

Bina:
This is quite an unusual, but interesting question.

That reminded me of this one incidence some years ago. I was speaking with two brothers who were curious about the path I had to take and which movement I did my conversion under. I told them my Rabbi is from the Conservative movement as was my beit din, but my rabbi had gotten the agreement of a modern Orthodox Rabbi that we could use the mikvah at the Orthodox synagogue for the final conversion ritual.

This sparked a debate between the two brothers about whether I am Orthodox or not Orthodox. As you know, some people would only accept Orthodox conversion as a "true" conversion. One brother's view was that I didn't go through the Orthodox agency in Los Angeles or East Coast, so I don't have the "real" certificate to certify I am a "true" Jew. The other brother felt that I was "dunked" in the Orthodox mikvah, so I am Orthodox regardless of the paper certificate. I agree that was a very strange debate & discussion, but I didn't feel offended because I consider myself Jewish because I entered the covalent bond on my own will, regardless of the branch of Judaism.

Dawn:
You bring up an additionally and VERY INTERESTING point - does the location of the mikvah matter? One of the issues that Rabbi Dardik encountered as the rabbi of the Orthodox synagogue in Oakland, Beth Jacob, that has a mikvah used by the community is that many people assumed that being brought to an orthodox mikvah meant that they had had an orthodox conversion. Not so. Your status as a Jew is determined by the rabbi who takes you to mikvah. So you were taken by a Conservative rabbi and are therefore, Conservative. But here you tell me that it's not just the convert who is confused, so are the Jews!

I LOVE that you say you are not offended because you believe yourself to be Jewish. I will add that it matters what others think, and your entire community (and your rabbi) say you are a Jew. I guess you could say that swimming laps in an Olympic pool doesn't make you an Olympian. It's not about the water.

Bina:
Yeah, I really think that as long as I regard myself as Jewish, and so is my community and rabbi, that is all that matters. I agree there is no such thing as "partially Jewish".

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If I convert, will I be accepted as Jewish?

5/9/2022

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(This article was first published in my Mixed and Matched column for the J-weekly on August 29, 2014 titled:
If I Convert Will I Be Accepted as Jewish?)

Dear Dawn,
My fiancé is Jewish and I was raised basically Christian but not going to church. I really like his family traditions and am attracted to Judaism. I am thinking of converting, but a Jewish co-worker told me that I can never really be Jewish. If I go forward with my plan to convert, will I be accepted as Jewish in America? What about in Israel? — Feeling Jewish Inside

Dear Feeling Jewish: People have been converting to Judaism since time immemorial; some are quite famous, like Ruth, who has her own book in the Jewish Bible and from whose lineage it is said the Messiah will come.
My guess is that your co-worker is not part of a synagogue or a Jewish study program. In a formal Jewish setting, he would have learned that being Jewish is not only a matter of lineage. Conversion is the “other” way people become Jewish.
Not a lot of people convert to Judaism, so most Jews don’t know much about converts. There are two general stereotypes about converts. One, they are super Jews — more knowledgeable and more observant than born Jews. Two, they are fair-weather Jews; at any moment they will lapse back to their non-Jewish identity. Neither of these is fair or accurate, but stereotypes rarely are.
In modern days we have several different branches of Judaism. For Jews-by-choice, their identity as Jews is determined by that of the rabbi who converts them. So if you work with a Reform rabbi, you will have a Reform conversion and Jews who believe your rabbi is authentic will accept you as Jewish.
Reform Jews accept as validly Jewish those converts who work with ordained rabbis from major Jewish streams. Other movements have other criteria, and Orthodox rabbis accept only Orthodox conversions as truly authentic.
In general, for purposes of the law of return, or immigration, the government of Israel accepts those who have been converted outside Israel by rabbis who are on the official government list. Rabbis who wish to have their conversions accepted must get their names on the list. At this time, I understand, the Reform, Conservative, Orthodox and Reconstructionist movements all have their rabbis on the list. The Renewal movement has not done so yet.
However, the Orthodox Israeli rabbinate accepts few converts outside of their own movement. What they control in Israel is marriage and burial, so unless you’re planning to be married or buried in Israel, you needn’t be concerned.
Now, what about those who don’t accept you? Ask yourself, do you accept their views of Jewish law and practice? If yes, then convert with their movement. If not, then let it go.
Should you convert at all? If you feel Jewish inside, then yes, it is time to bring your Jewish soul home. You should be doing this for yourself, not for your marriage. I trust that your fiancé is supportive of you and will work with you as you study to become a Jew. Will people, Jews and non-Jews, question your authenticity over the years ahead? Perhaps, but this is about you, not them. You will develop your own Jewish circle and they will see you as a Jew.
One point: In order to convert, you must study with a rabbi for a period of time, typically a year. During that time the rabbi considers the door to be open. That means you are welcome to leave at any time. Should you study for a few months and then determine that you don’t want to become Jewish, there are no hard feelings. You can remain friends with the rabbi and go on as a non-Jewish member of the synagogue.
I suggest that you begin. If your fiancé or his parents are members of a Bay Area synagogue, call and make an appointment with their rabbi. Ask about that rabbi’s conversion process. Sign up for a basic Judaism class. Not only will you learn a lot, you’ll meet a number of other people who are considering or in the process of conversion. They will be helpful voices in your decision process. Be sure to take your fiancé along to the class; it will be something to share.

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