All Categories - BECOMING JEWISH

Don't Be Left Dripping at the Mikvah!

6/12/2026

There is a term for the experience of the newly converted individual who feels suddenly alone as a Jew. It is “left dripping at the mikvah.” Suddenly the regular meetings with your rabbi end. You are still, forgive the pun, wet behind the ears, but are launched into responsibility for your own Jewish life, practice and participation. I have received emails from converts who felt sad, but uncomfortable asking for “more.” I’ve received emails from Jews by choice that are several years into being Jewish who still don’t feel integrated.

Today I read about this class being offered in Palo Alto at Etz Chayim,
Either Ḥavruta or Loneliness: Intimacy, Vulnerability, and Inclusion in the Beit Midrash
(In-person only)

A thrill of joy ran through me! YES! What an excellent way to draw deeper into your Jewish community. Study together, just as you have been studying all along. Talk about topics of intense meaning, of life choices, relationships, and responsibilities. What better way to get to know others deeply. You’ll make friends who share your interests. They will draw you in. If you don’t have a place to go for Passover, you can tell them. They will find a seat for you. Don’t want to go to services and sit alone; tell them, someone will sit with you.

This teacher is a one session speaker. But I spoke to Amy Bayersdorfer, the Executive Director at Etz Chayim and she said anyone may contact her to explore ways to engage in Adult Education, or other ways to participate at the shul. Amy is very nice and delighted to help anyone get a stronghold in community!
Amy’s contact information is: 650-813-9094 x206 or [email protected]

Choosing to Belong

5/29/2026

It can be intimidating to become a Jew. It is new, not how you were raised, and you're still learning. But that doesn't mean you can't take hold of this new identity and actively make it your own. This article by Marika Páez Wiesen describes her own resolve to build her confidence. She calls on her Mexican heritage as a source of strength.

A Sense of Belonging

5/21/2026

Shavuot, is a good time to talk about "belonging." The scroll read for Shavuot is the Book of Ruth. Ruth is often referred to as the first convert. In this interesting article about Ruth, Rabbi Richard Hirsch also addresses BELONGING. He describes it as being first about belonging to the Jewish people and second to believing in the Jewish view of God.

I shared this story in the URJ email news about a woman living in San Rafael with the email list. I said, this essay doesn't talk about her deciding to become Jewish, it talks about her sense of belonging before becoming Jewish. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Did you cross over a threshold from feeling like an outsider to 'belonging'? Was it related to your conversion process? Or simply your integration into your community?

Here are some replies -

Eve:
From about 8 on, thru grade school, and then into college, I had Jewish friends and in Oakland 'grandparents' -- neighbors across the street whose grandchildren lived in NY, so I became the adopted granddaughter. They weren't religious, but he read the Forward in Yiddish. Grade school bestie invited me for weekend sleepovers which always included observant Shabbat dinner. In college, I read Chaim Potok and then other pop lit like Marjorie Morningstar and others too obscure to remember, I figured out that I could study and then convert. My folks didn't have us 3 baptized, so there was nothing to renounce. They had no issues with my decision, but my dad advised me to remove my Israel solidarity bumper sticker, lest I get torched or vandalized.

Josef:
I intellectually wanted to be Jewish for a long time. I grew up in a Jewish community and felt as if I belonged.
Medical problems and other distractions precluded my conversion. I wanted to take in Shabbat Services and I found a Reform Temple. I took their Introduction to Judaism course and I wound up converting.
I'm proud and ecstatic about being Jewish!

Adir:
In my case it was when I started to share inside jokes and we all understood the references without having to explain them and without them even thinking they had to explain them to me because I was already one of the guys.

Shavuot: A time for dairy!

5/20/2026

Recently I was browsing through Shavuot recipes and discovered Ugat Bishvitim; it was described as a no-bake cake, what my mother called "a refrigerator cake". I contacted an Israeli friend and asked if she'd heard of this cake. Indeed she had and she promptly enlisted her 10 year old to assist her in making one and brought it to my house!

Here's the recipe she shared with me. If you try it do let me know how you like it.

Ugat Biskvitim
A Shavuot Dairy no-bake cake

Ingredients
For the biscuits layer:
400 g petit beurre / tea biscuits
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the filling:
250 ml heavy whipping cream
1 packet instant vanilla pudding mix (the Osem one)
1/2 cup milk
3 tablespoons sugar
2 containers white cheese - 500 g total (“white cheese” is Israeli gvina levana. What I usually use is either light sour cream, Fage yogurt, or a mixture of both, whichever you prefer)
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest

For the chocolate topping:
100 g dark chocolate
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

Instructions
Whip the heavy cream with the instant pudding mix, milk, and sugar until you get a stable whipped cream.
Add the white cheese and lemon zest, and whip briefly, just until incorporated.
In a shallow bowl, mix 1/2 cup milk with the vanilla extract.
Quickly dip each biscuit in the milk mixture and arrange them in a rectangular pan, about 30 x 18 cm (12 x 7 inches), to create the first biscuit layer.
Gently spread half of the cream filling over the biscuits.
Add a second layer of dipped biscuits, then spread the remaining cream on top.
Cover with a third layer of dipped biscuits.
For the topping, melt the chocolate and heavy cream together in the microwave in 30-second intervals, stirring each time, until smooth and glossy.
Pour the chocolate topping over the cake.
Refrigerate for at least 3 hours before serving.

Celebrating Hanukkah

12/17/2025

It can be a challenge to give up Christmas when you convert. You may drop it in a single year, or you may get off it gradually. You will probably encounter the opinions of others and feel judged right or wrong for ANY decision or process you've had or are having.

STOP. This is your life and your spiritual process. Just keep learning and expanding your Jewish knowledge and practice.

You may choose to ignore the entire seasonal madness and go to Hawaii.

Still you'll ask yourself: How do I want to experience/celebrate Hanukkah?

Here are three views of the obligations of Hanukkah from the 3 main branches of Judaism.
Orthodox
Conservative
Reform

Since Hanukkah is to be a happy celebration - we are encouraged to avoid sorrow -look for ways to fill the week with love and joy.
Attend your synagogue's activities and invite friends to dinner and to light the hanukiyah/menorah.
Having a hanukiyah for every person is the household adds to participation and fun.
Play dreidel and other games of chance.

Share below any special activities or actions that you recommend.

What does it look like to LIVE in a Jewish space?

10/31/2025

(Image: Afikomen Judaica in Berkeley)

What makes a home “Jewish”? This can be answered on so many levels, but today let’s look at the physical ones. How does one decorate, enhance, and embellish a home to display its identity as a Jewish home?

Mezuzah
Often the very first thing one sees that identities a house as Jewish, is the mezuzah on the doorpost. If you decide to hang one on your doorpost there is a brief blessing that is said. Also, there is a specific place relative to your door’s orientation that it is placed.Mezuzot (plural of mezuzah) may be hung on doorways inside your house as well. There are some very sweet ones that are particularly aimed at the bedroom doors of children.
If you hang one, be proud to know what the laws surrounding this ritual object are.

Art
Once inside, there are typically immediate visual clues. Art can be Jewish because of the subject matter or the artist. I suggest browsing to find the colors and images that are pleasing to you. The non-Jewish partner should have a distinct say in what feels homey.

Books
As the daughter of a bookstore owner I can state that, “a home is not a home without books”. First, if there are children in your home, they need Jewish books so that they experience being seen in the world. PJ Library is a peerless program that sends an age appropriate book once a month to a child. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles can sign up a child. In most communities, like ours in the Bay Area, the books are free.
For adults, I believe you should have a siddur/prayer book that reflects your Jewish community – in other words, if you’re Conservative, have a Conservative prayer book. Be able to look things up at home.
Fiction? YES! Read books from different Jewish cultures so that you gain an understanding of how varied Jews around the world are. There are a number of terrific fantasies or magical realism novels available.
History, Jewish law, cookbooks, I could go on forever. Whatever your interest, find Jewish flavored books.

Holiday objects
I have a Passover seder plate that isn’t a plate, it’s a Kearah (tray). It is so beautiful that I leave it out on display year round. I often see lovely hanukiah displayed as art in Jewish homes. There are truly endless beautiful objects that can serve as both art and function.

Lifecycle objects
How does your family define itself? Are you outdoorsy? Animal lovers? Social activists?

Animal lovers: NOAH’S ARK! Need I say more? I have a million ideas.
Social action: Get a Tzedakah box. Money helps, but a box will remind you to make gifts of love, time, and engagement. That could be volunteering to read to children, cleaning up our parks.

Family oriented: Every family member, as they reach the age of adulthood under Jewish law, 12 for girls, 13 for boys, could get their own Kiddish cup and/or Shabbat candlesticks, kippah, tallit, or jewelry. (My son wanted a BIG star of David necklace for his bar mitzvah.)

Nature lovers: Tu BiShvat – a hundred ways to love the earth and protect it. Make your own decorations. In fact, I’m so excited about my ideas that I hereby commit to a Tu Bishvat program on Feb. 1, 2026 – put that on your calendar!

Friends, I could go on, but there’s too much to say. If you have a particular question, email me ([email protected]).
P.S. There's a huge benefit to occupants of the home in having their identity confirmed in their most intimate surroundings.
What makes a home “Jewish”? This can be answered on so many levels, but today let’s look at the physical ones. How does one decorate, enhance, and embellish a home to display its identity as a Jewish home?

Mezuzah
Often the very first thing one sees that identities a house as Jewish, is the mezuzah on the doorpost. If you decide to hang one on your doorpost there is a brief blessing that is said. Also, there is a specific place relative to your door’s orientation that it is placed.Mezuzot (plural of mezuzah) may be hung on doorways inside your house as well. There are some very sweet ones that are particularly aimed at the bedroom doors of children.
If you hang one, be proud to know what the laws surrounding this ritual object are.

Art
Once inside, there are typically immediate visual clues. Art can be Jewish because of the subject matter or the artist. I suggest browsing to find the colors and images that are pleasing to you. The non-Jewish partner should have a distinct say in what feels homey.

Books
As the daughter of a bookstore owner I can state that, “a home is not a home without books”. First, if there are children in your home, they need Jewish books so that they experience being seen in the world. PJ Library is a peerless program that sends an age appropriate book once a month to a child. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles can sign up a child. In most communities, like ours in the Bay Area, the books are free.
For adults, I believe you should have a siddur/prayer book that reflects your Jewish community – in other words, if you’re Conservative, have a Conservative prayer book. Be able to look things up at home.
Fiction? YES! Read books from different Jewish cultures so that you gain an understanding of how varied Jews around the world are. There are a number of terrific fantasies or magical realism novels available.
History, Jewish law, cookbooks, I could go on forever. Whatever your interest, find Jewish flavored books.

Holiday objects
I have a Passover seder plate that isn’t a plate, it’s a Kearah (tray). It is so beautiful that I leave it out on display year round. I often see lovely hanukiah displayed as art in Jewish homes. There are truly endless beautiful objects that can serve as both art and function.

Lifecycle objects
How does your family define itself? Are you outdoorsy? Animal lovers? Social activists?

Animal lovers: NOAH’S ARK! Need I say more? I have a million ideas.
Social action: Get a Tzedakah box. Money helps, but a box will remind you to make gifts of love, time, and engagement. That could be volunteering to read to children, cleaning up our parks.

Family oriented: Every family member, as they reach the age of adulthood under Jewish law, 12 for girls, 13 for boys, could get their own Kiddish cup and/or Shabbat candlesticks, kippah, tallit, or jewelry. (My son wanted a BIG star of David necklace for his bar mitzvah.)

Nature lovers: Tu BiShvat – a hundred ways to love the earth and protect it. Make your own decorations. In fact, I’m so excited about my ideas that I hereby commit to a Tu Bishvat program on Feb. 1, 2026 – put that on your calendar!

Friends, I could go on, but there’s too much to say. If you have a particular question, email me ([email protected]).
P.S. There's a huge benefit to occupants of the home in having their identity confirmed in their most intimate surroundings.

Leniencies in Orthodox Conversions

6/25/2025

I recently learned about an Orthodox rabbi who is striving to find leniencies to allow more people to convert via Orthodoxy. There is a project going on in New York led by Rabbi Adam Mintz. I have not read through his website yet, but would love to hear your thoughts on his work.
His website is Rabbi Mintz.

Standards for Orthodox Conversion in the East Bay

6/23/2025

I asked the rabbis of the Oakland and Berkeley Orthodox synagogues to give me guidelines on the requirements to convert with them. They discussed it and jointly gave me this:

Prerequisites for starting the process:

Moving within walking distance of the synagogue that one attends.
Regularly attending services and classes for several months

Requirements:

A significant commitment to learning a curriculum focused on Jewish law, ethics and philosophy.
Moving to a life of full observance of Mitzvot, including orthodox observance of Shabbat, keeping kosher both inside and outside of the home, laws of family purity if relevant, and daily prayer.
A commitment to God and the Jewish people, in Israel and abroad.

There are obviously many more details, but this should be a helpful starting point for your website. Yasher Koach again!

I have found both of these rabbis and shuls to be incredibly kind and welcoming. I have friends who have converted at both synagogues. Consider these directives and if they fit you, contact the synagogue and begin attending services.

Basic Judaism Class: Jewish Roots & Branches

3/21/2025

It’s difficult to find a basic Judaism class this late into the spring. Most classes will begin in the fall and interested individuals have to wait for months. Here’s a short class you can take RIGHT NOW!

Jewish Roots and Branches: Jewish learning for curious adults
Designed for adults who had little or no Jewish education in their formative years and would like to explore foundational Jewish topics and ideas in a sophisticated way.
Likely topics include Jewish holidays, core values/concepts, Tikkun Olam (repair of the world / Jewish social justice), and Jewish wisdom for living in times of social and ecological crisis. Additionally, expect little bites of Hebrew and little windows into the diversity of Jewish cultures throughout the world and throughout history.

I’m sorry to say I missed getting this out before the March meeting on the 9th, but you can easily jump in for the remaining sessions.

Dates: Sundays, April 6, April 27, May 18, & June 8
Time: 7:00-8:00pm
Place: Temple Beth Sholom, 642 Dolores Ave, San Leandro
In order to RSVP you need to go to their website. Please click this link to RSVP.

On Being Jewish in the Shadow of Oct. 7

11/5/2024

A member of this list sent me this article, On Being Jewish in the Shadow of Oct. 7. It is a review and reflection on a new book, For Such a Time as This by Elliott Cosgrove. I was particularly struck by this paragraph:

Cosgrove writes that the principals and heads of New York City private schools with whom he spoke “were flummoxed, trying to get their heads around a new phenomenon in their schools — Jewish families who were suddenly assertive in their identity, publicly affirming in their Zionist commitments, and now perceived themselves to be persecuted. These school administrators would never have described these same parents and students in this way prior to Oct. 7.”

I mentioned this to my friend who replied:

That's exactly the point -- Jewish families who were suddenly assertive in their IDENTITY. Oct. 7 wasn't just about the physical attack of some random Israeli going about their daily business that happened to be in the targeted areas. It is actually the IDENTITY of Jewish people that's under attack. We were and are still being attacked for what we are.

How dare you breathe the same air I am breathing, and take up space on this planet earth that I am living in? This is what I am hearing loud and clear.

So... what am I to do? Nothing on earth is perfect, the Israeli government was having issues prior to Oct. 7. Being a Jew by choice, I was afraid of speaking to anyone about the political environment in Israel in fear of being questioned about my loyalty or my choice. Luckily, I work closely with an older Jewish gentleman who is a scientist and academic scholar. We were able to speak of those events in a frank, thought-provoking but more sterilized stance without the fear of being judged.

Regardless of my personal opinion of the Israeli government, fast forward a few months later, my IDENTITY was being attacked on Oct. 7. By not affirming and defending my identity, it would just be taken away completely. How does that differ from slavery?

Moses led our ancestors (or us, in the case of Jews by choice as explained by Maimonides) out of Egypt from slavery, am I to willingly walk back into slavery in a different time and space?

My scientist colleague once sent me a newspaper article some months ago reporting about Harvard Jewish students being advised to avoid wearing anything that can identify themselves as Jewish. It further advises students to look into the mirror before they leave their dorm room to make sure they are not having anything on them that can give away the Jewish identity. The advice was to "safeguard" the Jewish students. Believe it or not, this was the exact advice my friend Ruth, together with a couple other elderly ladies at my synagogue gave me when they learned I was traveling to Europe for business. They were holocaust survivors... How horrific is it to hear the same advice to young people in the U.S.A.??!!

Somewhere I read that one of the hardships for those at the top of the social hierarchy is that equality is a comedown for them. It is a loss of status. They have reason to feel they are losing something - and therefore to want to return to their previous norm.

As a Jew, how do you relate to these ideas?