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My Conversion Journey

3/2/2015

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Reform Male 

I grew up in a devout Catholic family, so, as a child, religion was a very big part of my life. I went to church every Sunday, attended a Catholic school, and even volunteered as an altar boy. My home life was often chaotic, so I took comfort in a faith that had all the answers, a faith that promised a reward for one’s earthly suffering.  


Despite my strong convictions, I was also a curious child, and always wanted to know why we believed the things that we believed. I was never happy with the answers. When I got to college, I was suddenly exposed to people of different religions, ethnicities, and social backgrounds. I started to question all of the things I had been taught as a child and struggled to decide if my beliefs made sense any more. 


After I came out of the closet, I knew that the Catholic Church was no longer a welcome place for me. I felt angry and hurt by all the years I’d wasted feeling sinful and unworthy. I was so disillusioned that I decided religion didn’t have a place in my life any more. 


For most of my adult life, I said that I was “spiritual, but not religious.” Basically, that meant I didn’t really do anything at all. Left to my own devices, I never thought much about spirituality or where it fit into my life. Most of my friends and family also felt 
alienated from the churches they had grown up in, so no one challenged me to think about my faith. 



While working as an intern in Washington DC, I got a job working the reception desk at the DC Jewish Community Center (DCJCC). I was surrounded by new words, concepts, and holidays that I wasn’t familiar with. When things were slow at the front desk, I grabbed children’s books from the library and learned as much as I could. I also made a lot of Jewish friends who welcomed me into their lives. For the first time, in a long time, I got to see people my own age with a strong religious identity. 


As time went on, I got more and more wrapped up in my career. A lot of my self-worth and self-identity came from the size of my paycheck, the prestige of my job title, and the list of my work accomplishments. I sacrificed a lot for, what I perceived to be, my job success. Over time, my job became less and less fulfilling and, five years ago, I decided to change careers. After so many years of choosing my job over family and friends, I suddenly found myself with no one to turn to, no support.

I knew that I needed to make some major changes in my life; tearing it all down to built it up again better and stronger. I had to accept that my new job wasn’t as impressive or exciting as my old career, but I also accepted that my self-worth didn’t have anything to do with my job title. As part of this “stem to stern” reevaluation of my life, I felt like something was missing. As much as I wanted to believe that I was “spiritual, but not religious”, I realized that I really was religious. I also realized that I had been missing a strong spiritual community of like-minded people, where I felt welcome. 


While exploring different faith traditions in the Bay Area, of which there are many, I kept thinking back to my time at the DCJCC. There were so many things about Judaism that matched my own personal beliefs. I started to read about Judaism and the conversion process, learning as much as I could. My first time at Temple Sinai was for an “Out and About” Shabbat dinner. Everyone was so welcoming and encouraged me to join them for the Mizmor Shir service. I was hooked. Through my classes with Rabbi Adar and my meetings with Rabbi Mates-Muchin, I began to see how Judaism could fit into my every day life and make it better.  


In my family, we have a birthday tradition of asking, “What did you learn in the past year that you didn’t know before.” Looking back over the last 12 months, I’ve learned so much about Judaism; the history, traditions, holidays, and theology.  But through this process of conversion, I’ve learned even more about myself, growing as a person of faith and a member of the Jewish community.

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Converting to Judaism as a Transgender Person

10/31/2013

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When I first met with a rabbi she asked me a bunch of questions about why I wanted to be Jewish. I told her how important community was to me. Two years later, I can tell you that being part of one has saved my life. I doubt you know this, but you, Dawn, were the first person at the synagogue that I ever met. You tried to give me tea and welcomed me to something about being Gay and Jewish.  You took me inside and introduced me to someone that unfortunately I  can't remember and sat me down.

I listened to all of the people speaking, but when Noach Dzmura spoke, I knew that I was in a good place and would be OK. I met Rabbi Mates- Muchin, and you invited me to Rock n Roll Shabbat. You had an extra ticket for dinner, and I was nervous but still managed to eat my share of chicken. I still remember you telling me Services were not always like that.  I trusted you from the beginning and knew that I could ask you anything. You have helped me on my journey to become the person I want to be in the world. You didn't laugh when I told you how I got my new name. I need to tell you that I am pretty darn sure that I wouldn't have come this far on my journey without you. I am still working on finding my place in the world, but the awesome thing is that I want to live and be a part of the world.

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Lesbian Buddhist to Jew

1/26/2012

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(Crowd in front of the synagogue on High Holidays)

​There are many ways that I could describe my identity, but two of the first things that come to mind are Conservative Jew and queer.  The Jewish part takes some explaining, considering that I was raised Buddhist by ex-Christian parents.  I was raised with Buddhist philosophy as the basis of my spiritual understanding of the world, but my parents never insisted that I seriously practice Buddhism.  


There were aspects of Buddhism that rang true for me, but the practice was never fulfilling.  I spent a few years in college dabbling in religious exploration, but never with much seriousness.  When I did try to engage in serious Buddhist practice again, many years later, I realized that the thing I was always missing was a sense of community.  My Buddhist practice had always felt intensely individual and isolated, without a connection to other people (even when I was practicing in a room with hundreds of people).

I found the sense of community I craved in Judaism, but I took a long path to get there.  While I was in college I studied Judaism academically, I had a Jewish roommate and kept a kosher kitchen for a year, and I succeeded in getting Hillel (the campus Jewish organization) to partner regularly with Queers and Allies of Faith, an organization a friend and I started.  But I never really learned the different ways that Jewish people practice their Judaism, and all the different things that it could mean to them.Fast forwards a few years - I moved to Reno, NV for grad school.  I left behind my friends and everything I knew, and moved to a small, conservative city.  I was desperate for community, and got involved with the Queer Student Union.  Because there was such a small progressive movement on campus, the QSU shared quite a few members with Hillel.  I ended up going to a lot of Hillel events, and making a lot of friends who had strong feelings about their Judaism and were willing to tell me why.  Some of it was good, some of it was bad, and all of it was passionate.  One of the things that impressed me most was the sense of connection to being Jewish that my friends expressed.  Love it or hate it, they were all a part of the Jewish community.

After two years in Reno I moved to Berkeley, again for grad school, and again I was looking for community.  This time I tried something new - I went to a synagogue.  I had enjoyed hanging out with the Jews in Reno and participating in holidays and shabbat, so why not see what Judaism was like on a more regular basis.  I quickly fell in love with my synagogue, and attended services regularly.  I took classes on Judaism and made a bunch of friends there.  I had finally found my religious home, but at that point I didn’t really think I could be Jewish; I always thought I would be an outsider.  I knew conversion was a possibility, but decided I couldn’t convert unless I found a nice Jewish girl to marry.  Time went on without me finding a nice Jewish girl, and I remained non-Jewish.  At a certain point I realized that, no matter what, I was going to have kids, and I was going to raise my kids Jewish.  Period.  Then I decided that I should probably convert before having kids, because it’s just easier that way.  So I called up my rabbi and started the conversion process.  

My two biggest concerns were how he would feel about a queer person converting (he didn’t care) and how he would react to me not believing in God (I think he was excited, it gave us lots to talk about).  Since I was already actively engaged in my synagogue, and had been for over a year, my conversion was relatively quick.About a year after I converted I started dating my nice Jewish girl, and (as one would expect with queer women) we quickly got engaged and planned our wedding.  We had a big, traditional Jewish wedding with our rabbi officiating.  For me, one of the happiest parts of the whole wedding process was our aufruf.  The day before the wedding my wife and I shared an aliyah during services, I read from the Torah for the first time, and my wife led Musaf and gave the drash.  We had friends and family there supporting us.  But the most amazing part of all of that was how happy everyone in our congregation was.  They all know us and love us and support us, and were so happy to see us doing what all the other sickeningly cute couples in love do.  I almost burst with happiness, being surrounded by friends and family and the community I had always hoped to find.

Unfortunately, my wife and I had to move away from the Bay Area.  We moved to Sacramento about six months ago, and haven’t been able to find a Jewish community here in which we feel at home.  The first time we walked into the Conservative shul, holding hands because we always hold hands, a the few people we passed glared at us and ignored us when we said hello.  That made me much more wary of the Jewish community in my new town, unfortunately.  We’re still trying to find our place here, and I’m trying to figure out how to be Jewish in a way that fulfills me without being embedded in the strong community I love.

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Gay and Converting: A Personal Story from Scott

12/11/2011

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This is another video from our LGBTQ and Converting Panel.  Scott tells his story.  
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Gay and Converting: A Personal Story

12/6/2011

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by LJ, a female Reform convert

I can’t say with any honesty that Judaism sprang from a single thought in my head.  Rather, it took time to see that it just may be the answer to many issues in my life.

I had just recovered from cancer, Stage 2 colon cancer.  As anyone who has had cancer can tell you, you never get rid of it.  Even if every speck has been removed from your body, you think about it.  It’s with you always.  You wonder how many years you might have left, years of productive life.

A year after my colon surgery, I retired from a career that had consumed 33 years of my life.  I poured my heart and soul into that job, into working with those people, and now, due to my own choice, it had all been ripped from me.  I had nowhere to go in the mornings.  I had no social life. Sure, I had friends, but there were few that weren’t part of my work environment, and many of those friends were located in another city, where I had previously worked.

I had thought about retirement for many years, but not very seriously.  I had thought about doing good things.  I wanted to do good things.  Volunteer?  I actually tried several volunteer tasks along the way, and none matched my personality. 

The final point of this journey was that I fell in love with a Jew.  A lot of her friends were Jewish, and they became my friends.  I was surrounded by Jews, and I really liked the way they lived their lives.  They did good things.   As a lesbian, I feel I was fortunate to have been accepted by these Jews, that my “gayness” wasn’t a second thought for them; that told me right there that I could fit into Jewish life as a gay person.

As it turned out, this wasn’t the final point of my journey at all.  I found a rabbi to study with, to learn what Judaism was really all about, and I joined a new community.  They’re my community now.  The journey was just beginning.


Hear Linda talk about her conversion process in this video.

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Gay and Converting: A Personal Story

11/14/2011

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By L., a female Reform convert

When I came out to my mother as gay, I was in my 40’s.  I had finally come to the long-fought decision to come out to my family if I ever landed in another relationship.  When I did, I sat down with her, and she took it better than I thought she would.  Her reply was, “I think I knew all along.  I was just hoping it was a fad.”

At the age of 63, it’s no fad.  And 8 years after my mother died, I came out again, this time as a Jew.  While I would give almost anything to have one last conversation with my mother, to see her again, I’m glad I don’t have to try to explain her to her that I’m a Jew.  Because, you see, I’m going to Hell.  And it would be Her Fault.

So, spared that last conversation, I very easily converted – well, after it took me three tries to find the right rabbi, but the right rabbi I did find.    The rabbis at my Reform synagogue in the East Bay have been super, everything you could have asked for as a lesbian or gay man, or as any Jew, actually.  Kind, warm, accepting.  Completely accepting.  Their constituents are sometimes another story.  But it’s a work in progress.

Some people typecast me as Ellen DeGeneres, others as someone who would love to tell lesbian stories (you know, with sex ‘n stuff), and others ignore me completely.  This is my community.  They’ll get used to seeing me, get used to what lesbians look like and sound like, ones like me and ones who are completely different (because it’s really hard to stereotype us).  And as more gay men and women join, we’ll just be as common as the other Jews around temple.  I look forward to that day.


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