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My Conversion experience during Covid

10/2/2020

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Here is another first person story of choosing Judaism.

by Elisheva, a Reform convert


 
 
I completed my beit din in July of 2020. The ceremony occurred, rather strangely, via Zoom with 3 clergy members on video. The clergy agreed that there is no practical way to have the mikvah amid Covid restrictions, so that part will be scheduled later.
 
Prior to my conversion, I had visited several synagogues and attended Shabbat and other events, including almost a full cycle of holidays, mostly at Temple Sinai in Oakland, CA. My exploration confirmed to me that I felt most at home and in synch with Temple Sinai. Before the shelter in place, I met regularly with a rabbi there on my path to conversion.
 
The Hebrew name I selected reflects and honors a connection to my grandmother, the person I was closest to while growing up. I like knowing that I now have this Jewish name as a foundation.
 
Following is the essay I prepared for the ceremony.
 
My Thoughts on Becoming Jewish
By Elisheva
 
It’s intensely significant & emotional to have found the spiritual place where I belong. Taking this step feels right, in my mind and in my heart. I am fully embracing what is truly within me. It took years, and a winding path, to get here, which I’ll share briefly. In 2019, a specific thought came to me. I can’t recall hearing this anywhere else, but it appeared clearly in my mind:    These threads were always within me, waiting to be woven.
 
In 2019, my longtime but casual affinity for the Jewish faith nudged me onto a deeper path.  I began attending Temple Sinai in Oakland. After awhile, I started meeting with Rabbi Yoni Regev to formally adopt Judaism as my faith.
 
Throughout 2019, I attended Shabbat regularly and went to other events, including Temple Sinai’s High Holy Days. I attended a few events at other synagogues, which were positive, but I felt Sinai was the best fit. Sometimes at Temple Sinai I have felt an intense sensation and the hairs on my arms actually stand up – something is telling me I am in the right place.
 
Being restricted by the Covid pandemic is very difficult. I am introverted and need quiet time, but I also need to be with people. This imposed “virtual” world can be lonely. It’s triggered painful flashbacks to growing up in a disengaged and silent family.  I’m grateful for the ways you [the clergy of Temple Sinai] are working to maintain connections. I “attend” Shabbat online and am in my 4th Hebrew class via Zoom. I appreciate Dawn Kepler and Linda Burnett – their steady outreach has been vital.
 
Some background: I grew up in a small town in Michigan, a country kid. My backyard was 54 acres and my grandparents next door had the remnants of a farm. My family attended a Methodist church in the “big city” (Ann Arbor). My Mom was sincerely Christian; for my Dad it was merely perfunctory. For my brother it provided a social outlet. For me, it never jibed. Jesus most likely existed historically as a person, but even from an early age I never accepted the Christian beliefs. (I respect Christians; the precepts just didn’t feel right to me). Also, I resented being forced to attend. I didn’t want to be there because I knew my heart wasn’t in it. Those experiences probably discouraged me from a spiritual pursuit for a long time.
 
Through college and beyond, I always had Jewish friends. I attempted to find a spiritual path. However, I guess I thought people either “were or weren’t Jewish” and I didn’t venture into exploring Judaism back then. A few times, I went to a Unitarian church, which was like a series of interesting lectures, but not a religious experience. Life went on. I graduated from college, moved to California, survived cancer, pursued my career and my creative passions.
 
But things happen for a reason. “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” and when I finally made it to Shabbat at Temple Sinai, it was the right time.  Wondering why I didn’t do this 10, or 20, or 30 years ago is pointless. You are where you are.  I’m not the only one to find Judaism later in life.   
 
I feel a deep empathy for the roots of Judaism. I feel very humble and respectful about the history, absolutely sickened at the oppression and hardship imposed on this People. Any decent human being mourns the unfathomable evil of the Holocaust; how could this be? An alarming hostility continues today, sometimes a subtle undercurrent, sometime blatant and violent. Yet the Jewish people have endured, ever rekindling a deep appreciation of relationship, tradition, worship and joy. I didn’t grow up Jewish  –  and all I can do now is learn, participate and keep building a relationship to this community for the rest of my life.   
 
One element I especially appreciate is Judaism’s acknowledgment that God’s essence can be perceived and yet at the same time, God can be unknown or undefined. Judaism is OK with that; in fact, it relishes confrontation with the mystery. To me, that signals intellectual bravery and honesty.
 
Paraphrased from God Was Not in the Fire by Rabbi Daniel Gordis:  Jewish life is interested not in proving God’s ex­istence, but in feeling God’s presence.
 
            Einstein spoke of things “beyond the edge of human comprehension…”  To me, that is where God is.
 
 I believe that the ideas and words expressed in the Torah came together from divine revelation, yet God is beyond human language. The entire Hebrew Bible is a treasure to be studied and examined. Interpretations can vary without invalidating the essential truth.
 
            How is Judaism affecting my life? I’m more aware of the need to engage in tikkun olam – learning, helping, being active. I’m more aware of the power of a community. I love to study the Siddur and learn more about Hebrew. I want to bring Jewish events and people even more into my life.
 
I pray that our community spaces will reopen because I think that is essential. We’re not meant to live online.
 
To summarize, my journey into Judaism continues. It is oftentimes joyful but also reverential, and something I do not take lightly. It is a serious pursuit with deep layers. It is intricate and yet fundamentally simple at its most primary core.

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Building Your Connection to Judaism and Jewish Community

10/31/2018

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One of the difficulties that a Jew by choice may face AFTER conversion is not feeling truly connected to Judaism. Working with your rabbi, meeting regularly, having meaningful conversations, ends eventually.  If you convert as a single person without any Jewish family you may feel bereft. 

After the 2018 High Holy Days I was thrilled to receive an email from a single Jew by Choice, Miri, who shared this with me: 

I really enjoyed singing in the choir this year for the High Holy Days and am still riding on the high of that. And Yom Kippur has become my FAVORITE Jewish Holiday. I love the self searching introspection and deep personal connections that I've come to experience on YK each year. While it's great that this holiday is a big-deal-once-a-year thing, I would like to have the same depth of experience on the other holidays.

To that end - the connection part - I've volunteered to chant Torah at the upcoming Nishma service. This will be the first time that I've chanted since my B'nai Mitzvah so I'm really looking forward to doing it.


My getting involved with my temple is a direct result of your guidance and coaching. Having grown up in Christianity where you are "saved" by someone else, I hadn't fully come to the realization that I and I alone am responsible for my connection with others. I had somehow expected people to do it for me, but that's not how we do it in Judaism. We need to reach out and when we do, we find support. This was the BEST piece of advice anyone ever gave me along my conversion path. ​

While I applaud this woman's spirit I believe that those of us who are already connected to a synagogue community need to make the effort to bring in the new people who appear in our midst. Don't hesitate to say hello to a new face at the oneg. 

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My Journey to Judaism

10/31/2018

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By Elisheva, a female Reform convert

Growing up in a relatively non-religious household, I never seriously considered why spirituality and religion are so important to people. Growing up in a predominantly Christian town, I had always been more attracted to non-Christian religions. For a while, I fancied myself Buddhist and chanted Sanskrit mantras. (This phase took place from middle school into high school.) But my interest was more intellectual than personal and spiritual. At no point did I seriously explore Judaism though I had thought about it as an option.
                The only other time I delved into religion was when I went to a Church of Latter-Day Saints in my hometown. My sister and I were around six to eight-years-old when we attended Sunday school and services at the church. We went primarily because my dad’s side of the family were Mormons from Utah and I suppose my parents wanted my sister and me to have some exposure to religion to find out what we felt most connected to. Alas, Mormonism didn’t stick, partially because we were being pressured to get baptized when we had no desire to and felt we weren’t committed enough to do so. I remember my mother especially resenting this pressure because she wanted us to make the choice ourselves. I am beyond grateful to have been exposed to Mormonism, yet also glad I got out of it so that I didn’t feel obligated to do something I didn’t have to.

                I’d say religion didn’t come up again until my freshman and sophomore years of university because I had a couple of close Christian friends. One in particular being my friend Will with whom I had many conversations about faith. We once had a conversation in which he said, “I know you don’t believe, but….” That statement triggered a sincere reflection on what I do believe. At the time I was a struggling agnostic, rebelling against organized religion…mostly Christianity.
                The truth is I have never felt a connection to Christ as savior, nor have I ever enjoyed the preaching of Elders constantly at my door. I openly dislike the Christian emphasis on Hell and its use to inspire fear and motivate good deeds. But I have never strongly disparaged Christians for their beliefs. Just not for me.
                I asked myself whether I could go through life without spirituality. Is that what I was missing?
                One night, I visited the Contemporary Jewish Museum with Will where a Stanley Kubrick exhibit was going on. This was October of 2016. This was the first time that I had been in a Jewish space, so I thought of Judaism and Jewish culture. After the visit, I became very quiet and felt meditative. I then said, “I think I want to convert to Judaism.” It was so sudden, but I think I was finally voicing what had been going on in my subconscious.
                Subsequently, I did research on Jewish beliefs, the conversion process, and the different denominations. I then researched Reform synagogues in San Francisco because I identified with the liberalism of the Reform movement.
                My first time in a synagogue was daunting since it was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I started out going to Kabbalat Shabbat services every Friday and sat in the rear-most pews due to my shyness. I didn’t want to be noticed fumbling over Hebrew. I didn’t want to make friends, really. It took me many months before I felt comfortable moving up the pews and bowing and talking to people at the oneg. I credit kind clergy and my mentor with my increasing comfort in the community.
                Books were also a source of comfort. Jewish history and life has inspired many a novel, and I wanted to read a lot of them. I learned about the openness of Judaism, how intellectual and academic Jewish religious life is, and how varied Jewish philosophy is. Each book brought me closer to why I wanted Judaism. I discovered that my sensibilities aligned with Jewish life. I enjoy study, I’m a skeptic, etc.
                Moreover, I began to view the Bible differently. What once had seemed like an inaccessible fable/self-help book became a literary adventure and spiritual guidebook…and still a fable. I appreciated the Reform view of the Bible as written by man with divine inspiration because it allows for freedom in study of the text. You can study it for morality lessons one day, then focus on literary interpretation the next, or even both at once.

                During the initial stages of my spiritual discovery, my sister showed interest. She constantly asked me questions, some which I couldn’t answer. Then we started studying Torah together weekly, and her interest inspired me. Sharing my journey with her made me happy and accepted.
                Nonetheless, I occasionally had difficulty when going home to visit my family for a weekend or during breaks from university. My mother has asked me more than once to run an errand for her on a Saturday and I have had to politely refuse due to my commitment to Shabbat rest. At first, she didn’t understand and thought Shabbat was just an excuse for me to sleep all day. Granted, I did occasionally take the opportunity to nap, but I mostly read books and prayed when I wanted to.
                My dad, on the other hand, a man who had sworn off Mormonism in his teen years and has since turned to Norse paganism as a faith, has teased me about my chosen monotheism. Initially, this made me uncomfortable, but now I enjoy having banter. We also have a sort of joke that whenever we drink alcohol together and I say “L’chaim”, he deliberately mispronounces the toast or says, “Skaal” in response. (Skaal is Norwegian for “Cheers”.) Generally, he and my mother are supportive of my decision to convert.
                However, I don’t envision my parents ever joining me at synagogue. Although my sister has attended services in Davis with me.
                I realize I have yet to mention God. When I was younger, I fantasized about an old white dude with a booming voice like in The Prince of Egypt giving me advice and granting me wishes. Now I wrestle with God because God is no longer some fantasy in my mind. God is not a man in the sky. God doesn’t get angry when I swear. Exploring Judaism has helped me gain confidence in questioning God and discovering what I do believe God to be. I’ve found I connect most to the concept of the Shechinah, the maternal Presence of God. I think I felt it after attending the Second Night Seder during Pesach. I felt transcendent once I left the space. I was overcome with the joy of being with community. Was all of this truly the Shechinah? Perhaps. It’s what I attributed my feelings to. God being a comforting Presence gives me peace, especially during Shabbat after a busy week operating in the “tyranny of space” as Heschel puts it.
                I like the idea of God as a unifying energy or force that gives meaning to the universe and purpose to our human lives. I am comforted by God as eternity. I also look forward to endlessly contemplating God as I age. Judaism has granted me a gift in that respect.
                On the other hand, I am also comforted by the fact that one doesn’t have to believe in God to be Jewish, which allows for diversity of thought in the community and very interesting Torah study contributions.
                Being a part of the Tribe, as it were, and now having a partner who is Jewish imbues me with a strong sense of pride and optimism for my (Jewish) life. Conversion is the most transformative decision I have made so far. I feel welcomed and loved.

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Conversions come in all Flavors

1/11/2018

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We tend to think exclusively about people who convert to Judaism. But there are people converting to other religions every day. A Jew by choice send me this sweet note about her own mother.

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My mother became Catholic at age 70.  She's now 82.  I think she feels a tremendous sense & depth of love for God and closeness to her community.  She was raised Baptist, but I think Catholicism really resonated with her when she was exposed to it by enrolling me in a Catholic elementary school. I think the theology of the religion and the manner in which it is expressed felt intuitively right to her.  Although it took her almost 40 years to find a path, she found the one that was right for her. Ironically, I think I felt inspired and empowered to become Jewish because of her actions and modeling of courage in affirming her faith.
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Is there someone whose actions encouraged you to pursue conversion? Tell us about it in the comments.

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My Jewish Journey

7/18/2016

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By Hannah, a female Reform convert

I’ve always felt a connection to Judaism ever since I was young. I remember telling my Mom when I was younger that I wish I was Jewish and that I wanted to marry a Jewish man. She would just look at me puzzled and ask me “why?”. I was never sure why…. and I still can’t explain it. I wanted to be part of that tradition. The history intrigued me and I loved Jewish humor. It never occurred to me that I could ever actually be Jewish. I thought the only way to be Jewish was by being born that way.
 
I started dating my fiancé in 2010. I didn’t seek him out because he was Jewish...that was just a happy coincidence. We had mutual friends and started playing music together and became best friends for 2 years before we started dating. After 5 years together he proposed and said that he hoped that I would convert to Judaism and that it was important to him. I always wanted to be Jewish, but somehow I didn't think converting would be what I wanted it to be. I had preconceived notions about it. I thought that I would have to believe in God or at least pretend to believe to convert. I thought I would have to practice the conservative version of the religion because that’s all I knew about. I thought I might have to believe every literal word of the Torah. I thought converting only meant that I practice the Jewish religion, but I could never really be considered a Jew. I thought I would feel like a fraud.
 
I was sour on the idea of “organized religion” even though I never really thought about what was meant by the term. I wasn't clear on my beliefs towards God. I was agnostic and didn't really take time to think about these questions or about spirituality. I was too busy with work and life.
 
Since it was important to my fiancé and I was still intrigued by Judaism, I thought I would look into what conversion really looks like. The first thing I did was Google Jewish conversion in the Bay Area and luckily I stumbled upon Dawn Kepler’s amazing website BecomingJewish.net. I read people’s conversion stories and started to realize that none of my previous judgments about converting were true. In fact, in some cases people had the same ideas that I did, yet found the opposite to be true and found a home and a community within Judaism. After reading these stories I started to get excited about this opportunity. I then set up an appointment with Rabbi Mates-­Muchin. On our first appointment she completely laid to rest all of my concerns about having to believe in God and old­ school ideas about Judaism. So I decided to start my conversion process.

 
Over the 10 months or so of my conversion process I had talks with Rabbi Mates­-Muchin, I took the Intro to Judaism class with Rabbi Adar, I sometimes read the weekly Torah portions, I went to some Shabbat services and holidays at Temple Sinai. The things that I learned over that span of time sparked a lot of thought within me about Judaism, God, spirituality and tradition. I didn’t expect how much this process would really make a difference in my life.
 
Many unexpected changes took place within me as a result of the conversion and learning process that I never could have imagined. Initially, I was very judgmental about religion and pre­judged people in other religions for their beliefs. In learning about Judaism it has allowed me to be open to more things. I realized that “religion” isn’t just one thing represented by one collection of beliefs. There are many interpretations of what religion can be. I’ve stopped assuming that I know what religion means to everyone or that I know what their beliefs are just because they belong to a certain religion. I always considered myself to be the most accepting person, but for some reason that didn’t extend to “religious” people. I’ve even discovered that I was missing out on getting to know really great people since I had been writing them off because of their religiousness.
 
In studying Jewish beliefs and traditions, I feel like it makes me a better person who wants to make wise choices, be good to people and help others. Reading Torah, learning about mitzvot and being around others who are striving to be better people has helped me to take a look at myself. I now find myself looking for ways to perform mitzvot. Not that I was uncaring before, but I just never really thought about it day ­to ­day. Now I feel more compassionate, more at peace and thankful. I also know that I’m not perfect, yet this process of learning and improving has provided a framework that will always help me as I go through life.
 
I was encouraged to try “Jewish things” during this process and never thought they would be as meaningful as they are. Prayer, blessings, performing mitzvot, the act of learning and Shabbat dinner have become practices that I have come to cherish. These acts have put me in touch with a tradition that has been carefully held on to for thousands of years even when it’s beholders and the right to practice them has been threatened over and over again. These traditions have strengthened my faith and connection to something greater than myself.
 
Through this process, I have even come around to having a belief in some sort of God,­­­ not necessarily the old bearded man in the sky that I was so turned off by initially­­ but some sort of higher being that is beyond our understanding; something else out there beyond just the humans on earth; something outside of us that ties us together. This newfound belief has enriched my life. I can’t fully articulate my beliefs in it yet, but I know I feel a shift and for the first time since I was a little girl, I’m excited about the idea of a higher being and I’m eager to keep exploring about what it means to me.
 
Another favorite part of this process has been learning about Jewish history. The origin of the Jewish people, the times of peace, the times of struggle, the changes, the discussions and the triumphs of the Jewish people fascinates me. Learning this history makes me appreciate Judaism and all the generations, families and people before me who preserved it. The perseverance and spirit of the Jewish people amazes and inspires me every day. It means so much to me to be part of this community and to carry on these beautiful traditions. Throughout its history, some preserved the traditions of Judaism openly with joy, some with obligation and some with fear. I know that for the rest of my life as a Jewish woman who carries on this tradition there will be days when I will experience each of those feelings: joy, obligation, and even fear. But through it all, I will feel proud to call myself a Jew.

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How do I know if Judaism is the right new faith for me?

3/2/2016

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This question came from a woman to the Mixed and Matched column in the J-weekly.

I was raised Christian and had terrible experiences in my church, including abuse. I am still a spiritual person and want a faith community. I married a Jewish guy who is very low-key about religious practice but does belong to a synagogue. I’d like to explore Judaism, but I can’t commit to converting. Can I talk to the rabbi about this, or is that not appropriate? — Ex-Christian spiritual seeker


Here is the answer  Feel free to share your own comments in the comment section below.


Dear Seeker: Please accept my sincere sorrow that you suffered abuse at the hands of those you trusted. No clergy members of any faith should harm those who trust them; that is a crime. You, perhaps even more than someone who does not have your history, need and deserve a place of spiritual nurturance. Such an environment has the potential to be very healing.
It is completely appropriate to talk with a rabbi about this. Rabbis are trained in pastoral care and interact with many non-Jewish people daily.
You don’t have to be Jewish to be part of the synagogue community. Go to services, but as a tourist. In other words, don’t expect to understand everything. Take in the ambiance, the music, the cheerful sense of community. Think of the experience as you would a vacation; the street signs are in another language and the people all speak that language, but it is still an interesting, beautiful and fun place to explore.
Take comfort in knowing there is one eternal creative force, and that force is everywhere — in synagogues, churches, mosques, beaches, your own kitchen.
In Isaiah it says, “My house will be called a house of prayer for all the peoples.” These words are sometimes found on the walls of synagogues. This does not mean that only after converting are people welcome to pray there. It means anyone who is seeking the consolation of prayer can come in and pray. Once you get to know some of the members at the synagogue, you will find that other people have a variety of reasons for being there.
You say you want to explore Judaism without committing to conversion. That’s fine; all the rabbis I know would not accept anyone who walked in and said, “Convert me.” The expectation is that you must learn what Judaism is about before you can know whether it is right for you. I like to say, date us before you commit to marriage.
It would be nice if you asked your husband to accompany and support you, but if you want to start exploring on your own, you certainly can. Tell him that you want to better understand his religion and are going to move forward with your learning.
Discuss with the rabbi the avenues your shul offers to learn more about Jewish theological and spiritual teachings. There are classes at a number of Bay Area synagogues and Jewish community centers that cover basic Judaism and are open to anyone. Your rabbi can help you find one that is expressly for people coming to the topic with little to no knowledge. You’ll find a classroom of adult students who may become some of your new and dearest friends. There is nothing like the shared experience of learning! What surprises you also will surprise fellow students. You are all new to the ideas raised.
Judaism encourages questions. In fact, Judaism teaches that you must not study alone, because you can easily fall victim to believing your own conclusions are always right. You need others to question you and to reveal what you did not see.
Certainly you can read on your own. Here again, your rabbi will have suggestions for books that meet your particular needs. Be bold, and ask if you can meet with him or her once a month to discuss what you are learning. A rabbi will not want to pressure you, so you must speak up. Trust me, the rabbi will be delighted that you want to have such a deep learning experience.

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Journey to Wholeness

12/9/2015

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By Miryam Eliana
(Reform conversion)


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From my earliest memories, I knew that I came here to ‘help save the world.’ At the risk of sounding ‘woo-woo’ or ‘out-there’ what I mean by here is here to planet Earth. I came here with the memory (as strange as it may sound) of having made a commitment before I was born.
 
Let me explain what I mean by “memory” and ‘commitment’.
  • Memory: As a child of 3 years old, I knew in my DNA (or as some people would say ‘I knew it in my bones’) that there is a G-d and that I came here to fulfill a promise to G-d. A promise to learn about G-d and the world, to work on making myself a better person. This ‘memory or knowing’ caused me to search high and low for my ‘home’ in the world.
  • Commitment: During my early childhood, I also remembered making commitment to help save the world. As a young child I had no idea what this meant or how I was going to achieve it, but during my conversion studies, I have learned that this is what Judaism calls Tikun Olam.  As I write today, I sustain this commitment and am amazed that there is an entire people committed to Tikun Olam and to building a brighter future. I am blessed to have found Judaism.
 
This paper is about my journey to wholeness, a search to ‘find myself’ and to fulfill my commitment to Tikun Olam. This journey has taken a lifetime and is one that I will continue until the day I close my eyes for the last time.
 
Before making the decision to become Jewish, I tried finding my home in many places. I grew up in a Christian-belief system. From age 3 – 8, my mother took me to a non-denominational church, then around age 9, she became the professional soloist for the local Christian Science Church and I attended this church until I was 17 years old. I didn’t feel at home in either of these places. The Christian Scientists were wonderful people and one woman in particular became a second mother to me. She tried to convince me to join the church, but I knew that Christian Science was not my path.
 
At age 17, I received a brochure in the mail from the local Seventh Day Adventists  (SDA) that talked about Shabbat and G-d’s dietary laws. I studied for some time with the SDA people and knew in my bones that Shabbat was something that I wanted to keep, but I always felt uneasy about Jesus. Because of my commitment to keeping Shabbat, I joined the SDA church. But after 20 years, I finally left the church because I could not bring myself to believe in Jesus. Add this to the fact that in the SDA church, I began studying a biblical concordance with Hebrew and Aramaic in order to understand the Bible. I came to services each week prepared to debate the Bible and what it meant to me. As I came prepared to present my case to the ministers, I was surprised that this wasn’t a very popular activity with them. As a matter of fact, they shunned my biblical studies so much that I was made to feel more like an outcast than a member. I finally became tired of being an outsider, having my needs for study and discussion go unfulfilled, and feeling a discomfort every time the name of Jesus was mentioned.  So after 20 years, I left the SDA church to continue my search. But where could I go? I yearned to find my home.
 
Over the years, I jokingly told people that I was searching for my tribe but hadn’t found it.  But even though I said this in jest, I really felt like I was indeed searching for a people or a tribe.  So I continued to search. I vowed to G-d to keep Shabbat on my own and simply to be unaffiliated with a group for the time being.
 
But finally, G-d played a trick on me.  I had a child, and around age 5, Michael began to ask questions about G-d. I was perplexed. While on the one hand, I could instill in him my morals and beliefs, on the other hand I realized that Michael needed a home and a community as much as I did. I couldn’t go back to a church, so I finally decided to try a Synagogue. 
 
As I reflect back on the miles I have gone, I am not sure what took me so long to find Judaism. From the moment (2.5 years ago) that I set foot in a Synagogue, I felt comfortable and a sense of belonging. For the first time in my life, I felt like I fit in. People welcomed my seeking spirit, my need to study and debate and my creative ideas regarding every aspect of life. I finally found a whole group of people like me.
 
Another amazing discovery was that the moment that I sang the prayers Shalom Rav and Sim Shalom, these prayers were instantly my favorite portion of our prayer service. Well before I knew anything about the meaning of the Hebrew words comprising these prayers for peace, a feeling of serenity, peacefullness, wholeness and healing instantly washed over me bathing my essence in warmth, comfort, and light. I was both amazed and comforted by this.
 
Singing Sim Shalom and Shalom Rav, made me want those feelings to NEVER end.  It felt like I had been searching for so long and had finally come home – to myself, to my community and to G-d. I was no longer a sojourner searching for my place, but I could now embark on becoming a member of something more meaningful and much larger than myself. And as I study the meaning of the Sim Shalom prayer, I am awestruck - that before I knew the meaning of the words in my mind, I knew them in my heart.
 
I soon discovered that other prayers made me feel the same feeling of being open, joyful and whole. So I began to ponder why the prayers made me feel this way.
 
A year ago, I happened to have received a number of Judaica books from a friend. Among these books was “The Wisdom in the Hebrew Alphabet” by Michael L. Munk. This book explains that a Kabbalistic dictum likens Hebrew letters to human beings and claims that each letter has a body, spirit and soul. The Sefer Yetzirah, (known by Kabbalists as “The Book of Creation,” which has been ascribed to the Patriarch Abraham) asserts that the 22 Hebrew letters “gave everything that is, form and shape.” It goes further to say that “G-d made the soul of all that which has been created and all of that which will be” with these 22 letters. In Genesis G-d began creation with speaking words and reality came into being.
 
According to ‘The Wisdom in the Hebrew Alphabet,” “the 22 sacred letters are profound, primal, spiritual forces. They are in effect, the raw material of Creation. When G-d combined them into words, phrases, and commands, they brought about Creation.”
 
Whether or not Hebrew is really an Alphabet that is “alive” as this book suggests, I feel life-giving energy pour into my body when I speak or recite Hebrew prayers. And the benefits cannot be because I understand the language - since I don’t. Rather I believe that there is some merit to the idea that Hebrew letters possess a kind of spirit in them.
 
Because of the feeling I get when reading the prayers, I am committed to saying daily prayers in the morning and the evening. On the few occasions that I have forgotten my prayers in the morning, I find that my day does not start as well. When I recite my daily prayers, I feel a direct connection to G-d and ultimately to myself.
 
The other thing that I began to notice, in studying Judaism, was that it teaches integration all of the, body, mind and daily life together - including how we manage our business affairs. All my life, I’ve looked for the world around me to resonate with the things I hold to be true in my inner world (i.e. being a good person, following G-ds commandments, treating my fellow man with honesty and fairness, being positive, contributing to a better world, to name a few). I have always wished for these things to be a reality in the world but never thought that there would be a people who taught in great detail how to practice these things, until I found Judaism.
 
In the book “With all Your Possessions” by Meir Tamari, “Judaism does not propose a specific economic theory or system, rather, it proposes a moral-religious framework within which the theory or system must operate.” Decisions on investments and in other parts of economic life have to be made on the basis of some form of criteria, then contrasted to this religious framework in order to discover whether or not the proposed choices are acceptable. Tamari also goes on to explain that Jewish moral and religious principles have created a framework within which Jews have operated economically and can continue to operate and they have been practiced for centuries. As I learn more about Judaism’s history, I can see how this moral-religious framework continues to be valid throughout the millennia and as such, I have come to appreciate the Jewish way of life even more.
 
Tamari demonstrates how Jews have made personal and public policy decisions based on parts of the Jewish halakhic moral code. He uses concrete examples as early as the story of Ruth (in the Bible) through the time of Talmudic scholars and on to Israel’s modern secular society and demonstrates how Jews have combined free market practices with social welfare, competition and compassion based on this ancient Jewish moral code.
 
Part of the beauty of Judaism is that it has never been satisfied merely with the adoption of pious slogans or exhortations to be righteous, but it has translated the halakhah into concrete, daily actions. These actions have resulted in a large body of knowledge which illustrates a complex system of money, trade, banking, wages, profits, poverty, welfare, competition, taxation and interest.
 
This integration of the Jewish body, mind and daily life is the closest thing I have found to practicing fairness and goodness in the world. And I am so happy to have found Judaism.
 
Now my foundation building, by becoming Jewish, is complete and now the journey of building the rest of my life within Judaism is beginning. I am a life-long learner and am delighted to have found a system which proports my values and beliefs and from which I can learn indefinitely. But just as Jews wandered in the wilderness for 40 years, I have done my own wandering and it has taken me literally a lifetime to finally discover my home.
 
Summary
In my “Journey to wholeness” all parts of me are becoming more and more connected and whole:
  • I am enjoying the tradition of learning in Judaism as Torah study is leading me to a greater understanding of the world and of myself.
  • I am grounded in Tikun Olam - making the world a better place - and I’m reveling being in the company of others who share this same vision.
  • Hebrew study and recitation seems to ‘open’ me up and connects me to thousands of years of tradition. I find great pleasure in reading Hebrew. It feels similar to, but more intense than the feeling I get when I see a beautiful sunset or hear a beautiful piece of music. By reciting Hebrew, I feel like my soul is a rose bud unfolding into full bloom and fragrance. Even if I don’t fully understand what I’m reading, I feel refreshed, more open and alive. It’s almost like the feeling of falling in love. I have this sensation every time I pray.
 
Finding Judaism has been a long journey and as I complete becoming Jewish, I look forward to a lifetime of learning, making connections and contributing to my new community and friends. I can’t say that I am completely whole – rather every day is a journey to becoming whole. To me, becoming Jewish is not a destination but a milestone on my path to wholeness and to fulfilling the promises (becoming a better person, and to work towards a brighter future) that I made a long time ago, literally in a different space and time.                                      I choose to be Jewish.

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Another Story of Conversion

11/12/2015

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This is the personal statement of Nadav (Jose) who became Jewish this week. Mazel tov, Nadav!

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My journey towards Judaism began around my early teenage years if not somewhat earlier. There was something about Judaism that attracted me but I just could not know what it was, it came and went as I got older but didn’t pay attention too much at the beginning.
 
When I was sixteen years old that is when my life change, I felt empty and not complete, so I decided to try the religion I was born with or at least what I was told what I was. I began to be more involved with the religion of my parents, Roman Catholicism, I even went to other denominations and religions. While I was still in high school and in my late teenage years Judaism was still visiting my mind so up until I was around 20 years old I started to take action and fully study and read about Judaism. There was always a spark of interest of Judaism in me like I’ve stated before but just didn't do anything about it.
 
Once I became into searching synagogues around my area and Jewish resources on the internet I wanted to learn even more. It was a very very strong overwhelming feeling that I started to have while learning about Judaism, it was an all day all night type of thing so I did not want to ignore it. Studying as much as I can was key, the more I learned the more I wanted to know and I wanted to know why I was feeling this way.
 
Once I started to attend and go to a synagogue the first time I immediately felt comfortable even though I didn’t knew anyone but I knew inside of me that this was going to be good and something I want in my life. When I studied parsha and got myself ahold of a chumash my eyes opened and I came to understand Torah and it got me thinking that Torah is everlasting and that there will be no other Torah. As I was learning more and learned about mitzvot I’ve felt a lot more closer to God more than ever before, it was such a great feeling. The nature of the Almighty is what fascinates me of God being one, omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient, creator of everything and that God exists and loves us all like crazy. And no matter what obstacles and hardships I may go through in life I am still devoted to God. God is one and unique and can forgive my sins and give me joy.
 
I study Judaism as much as I can when I have free time and as best as I can. I still have a lot to learn. I want to take action to live the way God wants us to live by being committed to mitzvot and have Judaism in our lives. Lighting shabbos candles and remembering and observing shabbos is just an awesome feeling that can’t be beaten, It’s such a calm and rejuvenating feeling that I never had before. Learning basic Hebrew so far has been amazing even though I barely have the letter sounds and vowels, obviously I will continue and has been moving forward by attending services and following along.
A recent discovery that may strengthen my Jewish identity is that my maternal hablogroup has the sephardic signature from the Iberian peninsula according to the ancestry DNA company ‘23AndMe’ and an expert specializing in sephardic Jewish diaspora;all because I spat in a testing tube and my DNA was examined.
 
I feel joyful and excited to further my process of studying as much as I can. Living a Jewish life can give me spiritual fulfillment and happiness one of those examples is performing tikkun olam. Being able to find a community and structure in life and the great feeling that there are other Jews across the world with common history, goals and being a light to other nations brings me comfort. I am excited about my future and the people that I have met and the new people that Hashem will bring to my life. It is best for me and the family that I hope to have. I’ve found a spiritual home and I want it in my life. Knowing what I now know, how can I set Judaism aside, I do not want to ignore my neshama.






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A Personal Journey

11/1/2015

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Tracy Layney sent us her personal story and now has had it published in the J-weekly. 


We all walk our own paths
— why I chose the Jewish one

Why have I chosen to become Jewish? I’ve heard this question many times over the past five years as I moved through the conversion process with Rabbi Michael Lezak at Congregation Rodef Sholom in San Rafael. A series of small (but ever growing) guideposts, popping up early and unexpectedly during my life, have brought me to the mikvah.

At the heart of Judaism is the notion of wrestling with and struggling with God. Since beginning the formal conversion process, I have wrestled with things I am sure most converts consider: How will my mother feel about this? Will I ever feel Jewish given that a significant portion of the American Jewish experience is rooted in a cultural history that is not mine? Am I willing to become the subject of anti-Semitism — and worse, expose my son to this hate?

I am happy to say that my mother is supportive of my journey. I also know that it is our responsibility as Jews to fight hatred and injustice wherever they appear. As for cultural identity, I have met so many different types of Jews that I now realize that a shared cultural heritage is not the only story — and in many ways, I do have a shared cultural experience. My ancestors were poor immigrants who escaped famine and persecution in Ireland. As they made their way to America, they often faced discrimination due to their ethnicity and religion. So, while we each walk our own path, I have come to understand that even though I started somewhere else, I am walking the same path that started with Abraham and Sarah so long ago.
So why, like Ruth, am I becoming part of the Jewish people? I am becoming a Jew because Judaism is a religion deeply rooted in family and community. When I light candles on Shabbat or bake my own challah, I feel deeply connected to those around me who are saying the blessings with me, and to all who have come before me.
I love the fact that while Judaism accounts for private moments of prayer, it also mandates community in times when people need it most — such as requiring
a minyan to say the Mourner’s Kaddish.
I am becoming a Jew because Judaism is less about dogma and more about action. What we do in this world matters. We are commanded to repair the world — tikkun olam — and to offer tzedakah as a form of social justice and not just charity.
I am becoming a Jew because Judaism is a religion of learning (and debating, and wrestling with) and not just blind belief. We are commanded to study Torah — to wrestle with its contents. Learning in all forms is a blessing, and we must commit our lives to its pursuit.
I am becoming a Jew because I have become a lover of Israel. I have learned that I can disagree with its politics (as I often disagree with America’s politics), but I can love what Israel stands for just as I love what America stands for.
I am becoming a Jew because of Judaism’s commitment to finding the holy in the ordinary — to sanctifying our lives with meaning every day. I love Shabbat and the Jewish holidays and the lessons they give us. Shabbat gives us a palace in time each week; Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur demand that we reckon with the year behind us and the one in front of us; Pesach reminds us of the blessings and responsibilities that freedom brings; Purim reminds us to laugh; Hanukkah brings light and hope to the darkest days.
I am becoming a Jew because I want to give this gift to my son, Noah, now 10 — the brightest light in my life — so that he too becomes a descendant of Abraham and Sarah. I want to give him the gift of mitzvot as a path to find meaning in life and to know that he is connected to something much bigger and much more enduring that himself.
I went to the mikvah last month for all of these reasons — and because of guideposts large and small that brought me there. I emerged from the mikvah as Sarah. I chose this name to honor my heritage, as Sarah is my mother’s name and my great-grandmother’s name and her grandmother’s name before her. Sarah was also the first Jewish woman and so a convert herself who accepted the covenant with God.
I am also excited that Noah entered the mikvah as well. He has become Noah Asher. Asher means blessing and happiness, and Noah has been such a deep blessing to us, bringing us happiness since the day he was born.
Like Sarah and Ruth and so many others before me, I am excited to make the Jewish people my people — to walk the path with Abraham and Sarah, to join the tribe of people who have been instrumental in shaping our world.

Tracy Layney is a human resources executive who lives in Marin County with her husband and 10-year-old son.

You can see this article on the J-weekly site here.



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My Conversion Journey

3/2/2015

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Reform Male 

I grew up in a devout Catholic family, so, as a child, religion was a very big part of my life. I went to church every Sunday, attended a Catholic school, and even volunteered as an altar boy. My home life was often chaotic, so I took comfort in a faith that had all the answers, a faith that promised a reward for one’s earthly suffering.  


Despite my strong convictions, I was also a curious child, and always wanted to know why we believed the things that we believed. I was never happy with the answers. When I got to college, I was suddenly exposed to people of different religions, ethnicities, and social backgrounds. I started to question all of the things I had been taught as a child and struggled to decide if my beliefs made sense any more. 


After I came out of the closet, I knew that the Catholic Church was no longer a welcome place for me. I felt angry and hurt by all the years I’d wasted feeling sinful and unworthy. I was so disillusioned that I decided religion didn’t have a place in my life any more. 


For most of my adult life, I said that I was “spiritual, but not religious.” Basically, that meant I didn’t really do anything at all. Left to my own devices, I never thought much about spirituality or where it fit into my life. Most of my friends and family also felt 
alienated from the churches they had grown up in, so no one challenged me to think about my faith. 



While working as an intern in Washington DC, I got a job working the reception desk at the DC Jewish Community Center (DCJCC). I was surrounded by new words, concepts, and holidays that I wasn’t familiar with. When things were slow at the front desk, I grabbed children’s books from the library and learned as much as I could. I also made a lot of Jewish friends who welcomed me into their lives. For the first time, in a long time, I got to see people my own age with a strong religious identity. 


As time went on, I got more and more wrapped up in my career. A lot of my self-worth and self-identity came from the size of my paycheck, the prestige of my job title, and the list of my work accomplishments. I sacrificed a lot for, what I perceived to be, my job success. Over time, my job became less and less fulfilling and, five years ago, I decided to change careers. After so many years of choosing my job over family and friends, I suddenly found myself with no one to turn to, no support.

I knew that I needed to make some major changes in my life; tearing it all down to built it up again better and stronger. I had to accept that my new job wasn’t as impressive or exciting as my old career, but I also accepted that my self-worth didn’t have anything to do with my job title. As part of this “stem to stern” reevaluation of my life, I felt like something was missing. As much as I wanted to believe that I was “spiritual, but not religious”, I realized that I really was religious. I also realized that I had been missing a strong spiritual community of like-minded people, where I felt welcome. 


While exploring different faith traditions in the Bay Area, of which there are many, I kept thinking back to my time at the DCJCC. There were so many things about Judaism that matched my own personal beliefs. I started to read about Judaism and the conversion process, learning as much as I could. My first time at Temple Sinai was for an “Out and About” Shabbat dinner. Everyone was so welcoming and encouraged me to join them for the Mizmor Shir service. I was hooked. Through my classes with Rabbi Adar and my meetings with Rabbi Mates-Muchin, I began to see how Judaism could fit into my every day life and make it better.  


In my family, we have a birthday tradition of asking, “What did you learn in the past year that you didn’t know before.” Looking back over the last 12 months, I’ve learned so much about Judaism; the history, traditions, holidays, and theology.  But through this process of conversion, I’ve learned even more about myself, growing as a person of faith and a member of the Jewish community.

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