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If I convert, will I be accepted as Jewish?

5/9/2022

8 Comments

 
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(This article was first published in my Mixed and Matched column for the J-weekly on August 29, 2014 titled:
If I Convert Will I Be Accepted as Jewish?)

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Dear Dawn,
My fiancé is Jewish and I was raised basically Christian but not going to church. I really like his family traditions and am attracted to Judaism. I am thinking of converting, but a Jewish co-worker told me that I can never really be Jewish. If I go forward with my plan to convert, will I be accepted as Jewish in America? What about in Israel? — Feeling Jewish Inside

Dear Feeling Jewish: People have been converting to Judaism since time immemorial; some are quite famous, like Ruth, who has her own book in the Jewish Bible and from whose lineage it is said the Messiah will come.
My guess is that your co-worker is not part of a synagogue or a Jewish study program. In a formal Jewish setting, he would have learned that being Jewish is not only a matter of lineage. Conversion is the “other” way people become Jewish.
Not a lot of people convert to Judaism, so most Jews don’t know much about converts. There are two general stereotypes about converts. One, they are super Jews — more knowledgeable and more observant than born Jews. Two, they are fair-weather Jews; at any moment they will lapse back to their non-Jewish identity. Neither of these is fair or accurate, but stereotypes rarely are.
In modern days we have several different branches of Judaism. For Jews-by-choice, their identity as Jews is determined by that of the rabbi who converts them. So if you work with a Reform rabbi, you will have a Reform conversion and Jews who believe your rabbi is authentic will accept you as Jewish.
Reform Jews accept as validly Jewish those converts who work with ordained rabbis from major Jewish streams. Other movements have other criteria, and Orthodox rabbis accept only Orthodox conversions as truly authentic.
In general, for purposes of the law of return, or immigration, the government of Israel accepts those who have been converted outside Israel by rabbis who are on the official government list. Rabbis who wish to have their conversions accepted must get their names on the list. At this time, I understand, the Reform, Conservative, Orthodox and Reconstructionist movements all have their rabbis on the list. The Renewal movement has not done so yet.
However, the Orthodox Israeli rabbinate accepts few converts outside of their own movement. What they control in Israel is marriage and burial, so unless you’re planning to be married or buried in Israel, you needn’t be concerned.
Now, what about those who don’t accept you? Ask yourself, do you accept their views of Jewish law and practice? If yes, then convert with their movement. If not, then let it go.
Should you convert at all? If you feel Jewish inside, then yes, it is time to bring your Jewish soul home. You should be doing this for yourself, not for your marriage. I trust that your fiancé is supportive of you and will work with you as you study to become a Jew. Will people, Jews and non-Jews, question your authenticity over the years ahead? Perhaps, but this is about you, not them. You will develop your own Jewish circle and they will see you as a Jew.
One point: In order to convert, you must study with a rabbi for a period of time, typically a year. During that time the rabbi considers the door to be open. That means you are welcome to leave at any time. Should you study for a few months and then determine that you don’t want to become Jewish, there are no hard feelings. You can remain friends with the rabbi and go on as a non-Jewish member of the synagogue.
I suggest that you begin. If your fiancé or his parents are members of a Bay Area synagogue, call and make an appointment with their rabbi. Ask about that rabbi’s conversion process. Sign up for a basic Judaism class. Not only will you learn a lot, you’ll meet a number of other people who are considering or in the process of conversion. They will be helpful voices in your decision process. Be sure to take your fiancé along to the class; it will be something to share.

8 Comments
Akmal
5/28/2023 08:30:59 am

Sir: I’m from Afghanistan I want to convert my religion and accept Judaism but I fear that taliban will kill me so can you help me to leave Afghanistan

Reply
Judah
11/15/2023 02:00:06 pm

Not how it works

Reply
Jonathan W Motte
10/21/2023 09:28:52 am

Akmal, I'm sorry that you're being denied the religion of your choice and soul and unfortunately the Taliban is very oppressive!! With the way things are looking maybe you need to try to find a sponsor or someone to help you get out of Afghanistan and into Pakistan or somewhere like that and take a vacation in Mexico!! Make sure you take every piece of your paperwork with you regarding your identity and anything else that you want them to know that might really help you to get in!! If you show up at a point of entry at the Southern border and file an asylum claim for fear from the Taliban because you're converting to Judaism and I think you'll get a temporary Visa and then when you have your hearings make sure you don't miss even 1 of them or be late!! Show the courts that you just want to live in peace as your authentic self and I truly believe that you would get asylum with everything going on in that region!! Don't let anyone talk you into crossing the border illegally!! Only come to the border at the points of entry along the border and if possible try to get around having any dealings with cartels!! It's going to be a process but I hope and pray that you stay safe until you're able to make it to a safe country!! Even if you could temporarily go to England or something but I think presenting yourself at the Southern border at a legal point of entry it'll show that you aren't willing to cross illegally and having everything in order with your studies even on Judaism and I think you'd have some waiting time but I truly believe that if you do everything legally and the right way at the border then you'll end up having your asylum claim accepted even if it ends up being years for a stupid court date!! In the meantime though you can contact organizations that specifically help Afghan refugees and there are Jewish organizations as well that will help you as well!! You can do it but once your hear and can meet with the different organizations and Congressmen/Congresswomen and Senators cause it can help move things along faster if you get a decent one to listen!!

Reply
MIRVAT S SAFADY
12/27/2023 11:25:25 am

I would like to convert to Jewish

Reply
Aqib Javed
7/3/2024 07:11:36 am

I want to convert in jew

Reply
lorenzo martin dizon link
8/30/2024 06:45:08 pm

i am lorenzo martin dizon. please email me all the information [email protected]

Reply
Kaleem
2/25/2025 02:34:13 am

Hello sir i live in Saudi Arabia. I wish i became judaism.

Reply
Jenny Dawson
3/8/2025 04:50:58 pm

If you are indeed a Saudi national and sincerely wish to convert to Judiasm you are rarer than a unicorn. Saudi Arabia indoctrinates its children with vicious antisemitism because antisemwtism is an official State doctrine. So I'm doubtful about your claim. And besides, you must know the prescribed penalty for apostate. Do you have a death wish??

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