I didn't think too much about my decision. There were concerns in the back of my mind, but not my driving force. I thought my partner and I would grow closer together, as she is Jewish. And so we did.
I was worried that I would have to learn Hebrew. It really helped me adjust to that notion when I met several Jews I really respected and they didn't know much Hebrew. Also, I thought I might be forced into following some, if not all, kosher guidelines. I studied a bit about it, talked to many people about it. I still have some issues about the whole issue, because
how can you do the Passover thing, give up bread, et al., if you're eating shrimp and bacon? So, I still think about those things. I'm still trying to work some things out.
I hoped I would gain a new community. I had to find a niche in this community -- what worked for me -- and although I'm still working on that, I think that I've found it. I am absolutely thrilled with the volunteer work I am doing for the synagogue and my community, and with the new friends I have made.
In the back of my mind were: Will I fit in with my new community, will I ever really be considered Jewish? I hoped that was going to happen, but couldn't allow myself to dream that.
Second Response:
I so hoped (secretly) that converting would confer chutzpah upon me...no such luck! Darn!
I did go to Unitarian church with my mom once after I converted, and truthfully, I did feel a pang that I could not really claim that space for myself anymore, and that I had given up holding space for that religion to work for me better. On the other hand, I still say that my Jewish identity can hold all the spirituality and learning that I could ever wish for.
Regarding bacon...as far as I understand it, the entire Reform movement rejected the dietary laws as mandatory, although I guess they are making a comeback. Our temple historian reported that our temple used to have an annual crab feed (!!). Best news in that department: there does not seem to be any fridge police at my shul, nor at any others I have heard about. Just try not to bring ham to a temple potluck, although some people do (accidentally? or carelessly? or accidentally-on-purpose?) bring meat+milk dishes, and many certainly eat meat and milk side-by-side. I have found that the easiest way for me to feel good with the dietary laws is to go dairy+parve (i.e. no "meat" anymore), especially at home, although a little shrimp or scallop might show up every once in a while. I have at times eaten many things I would not ordinarily eat when a guest at someone else's place. I think that falls under a different mitzvah, I forget which. The spiritual thing is, if you flub the dietary laws; or if you go full-on with the dietary laws; or if you try to be moderate about the dietary laws; then you get to look at how that sits with you -- how Jewish is that?!!
So far I have avoided a show-down about Christmas by celebrating it at Grandma's house, and keeping our house about Hannukah. What I will do in 10? 20? 50? years when I eventually outlive her remains an open question. What I told my beit din was that perhaps in those not-hoped-for future days, we would put up a small table-top christmas tree by which to remember her and her hospitality and love. Nothing un-Jewish about that as a value, I don't think. I mean it's not for the purpose of worshiping baby jesus or something; it is a family cultural history and event; and honoring my mother and father.
I think the main thing is: just go around being Jewish. I have found that at first, I felt I ought to think a lot about all the details; but now, after 15 years of living Jewish and 7 or so of formally being Jewish, I am pretty used to being Jewish, so I feel more that I could fudge a bit here and there and it won't affect my identity.
But that chutzpah thing!! Where do I sign up for that?
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